Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Fake Being Gay to Kill Thieves

Lessons learnt from tonights session.

There is nothing wrong with flirting with teenage boys through an imaginary male character in an imaginary bar if that is what the reaction die says.

If this makes you incredibly awkward you can just say "ok ok, he flirts with you."

Fake being gay to kill thieves.

If an invulnerable monster comes out of a jar you just smashed open and tries to eat your leg, the answer will be found by smashing open all of the identical jars.

'Guy-With-The-Falcata' sounds cooler than 'Axe guy'

One of my players actually knows what a Falcata is.

Psionic snails make everything easier.

Players are happier with random tattoos from a carousing roll than they are with actual treasure.

A player who will not surrender his platemail in an agonising cross country walk, or when it gets bent out of shape in a pit-trap, or in a massive argument with his actual real-life friends about the consequences of encumbrance, will do so immediately "to get it enameled with like a serpent-rope design to match my tattoo".

If you get a neck tattoo, you can never go back to being an accountant.

Somone playing a thieving, mass-murdering, Goat-Skull-Worshiping former accountant will refuse to throw an arm wrestling match for money because he considers his character 'Chaotic Good.'

If you murder someone, and they come back from the dead with the evil use of a Jade Monkey amulet. And you kill them again. You can just mess up their stuff and leave the body hoping the authorities take it for a "jade monkey hate crime."
A cleric called 'Hirgen the Fondler' should get a thicker skin, or not go out drinking.


  1. Re: invulnerable monster, was the solution to that problem found by smashing open all of the other jars?

    Bizarrely "jade monkey hate crime" gave over 40,000 hits in Google. I was expecting way less...

  2. Everyone loves Jade Monkeys.

    One of the other jars had another monster in it. Another was full of oil, which got everywhere. The mini-gelatinous cubes are vulnerable to fire. PC's set everything on fire with the oil, shoves afflicted limbs into blaze, hey presto.

    Oh and your cousin misses you, hey says his Aunt contacts him all the time but he never hears from you. Shame Nathan, Shame.

  3. I'm a terrible uncle...

    I wonder if I can rectify that by smashing some jars...?