Friday, 10 September 2021

Friday Reveal - THE FRONT COVER

 I seems hard to believe that, when I first started relentlessly posting marketing copy, five, maybe even seven days ago, that we would one-day reach this point, the point of me no longer having to advertise and whore myself out with every word I speak.

Yet here we are, only a day or so away from the end of the Kickstarter for Demon-Bone Sarcophagus and already I can feel parts of my soul re-entering my body.

But, sadly, not quickly enough to save you from 24 MORE HOURS OF BLARING NONSENSE BABAY!!!!!!!!!

The marketing beast writhes in my stomach. It churns and bubbles, flicks its tentacles and whispers...

"Show them the cover Patrick..." it burbles.
"Show them the front cover.... The WHOLE BIG THING."

Very well ye foul tumesence, I shall bow to thy will this one last time.

Behold, the mummification, of a QUEEN

Sad deeds done darkly as foul forms gather. 

The Fire Queens Sem Priest begins her mummification, but what disturbing spirits gather as she does? Simply the ghosts of Rohtzukgambehs questionable past? The echoes of slain foes of One Who Strode The World? Or something still worse?

There are monsters so awful that even to destroy them sets them free. They must be bound, secret and safe in a place shrouded in shadow that no-one will ever locate.

Until the moment YOU arrive.


You have a day left. Will we hit the big map tomb-plan version - probably not, but if we do end up making the Heist Plans in real life I will **TRY** [THIS IS NOT A LEGAL PROMISE JUST A STATEMENT OF DESIRE] to make sure people who backed for that level get a copy, even if the KS doesn't hit that level. [IF WE CAN AFFORD IT WE ARE ON MINIMUM WAGE OVER HERE].

Maps by Rachel Tew/Cartographybird

Design Polish by Mariah Ku

24+ hours to go!

Thursday, 9 September 2021

Thursday Image - Seven Silver Statues

 "Persistent and irritating. The move like sleepwalkers or drugged actors playing nobles and feed off attention, following and gesturing at anyone who pays attention to them."

Who are these strange figures...

 and what do they portend? 

"1. A daring and beautiful, though imperious young woman, armed with a macahuitl, crowned, clearly not entirely human.
2. A near middle-aged man, cracks run though his flesh like the wood of fire-blackened trees. He feels calm, centred and commanding, uses a slender war hammer as a walking stick.
3. A slightly pompous, serious-looking young man, a half-face mask set around one eye, a circular sun etched in the centre of his chest, attired in what looks like jagged feathers.
4. A figure with no mask, impudent face. A light step and open manner. bald, halo like a candleflame. Indiscernible gender.
5. A teenage girl, half-face mask, hair worked into tight ropes. Slight vulnerability.
6. A teenage girl, lower body a crazed constellation of shifting elements, as if she were billowing int and out of existence from the waist down.
7. A teenage girl, no mask, armed with a sword, confident princely stride and high head. Statues Tipping Over: Filled with liquid metal, the statues are unsteady and must move slowly. If interfered with or impacted with, they may fall and if they fall they will smash open, releasing the mercury within."

To Find Out...

All you need to do is back out Kickstarter, then wait a year or two and back the second Kickstarter; 'Frictionless Blue Glass', and then assuming we haven't gone mad or bankrupt, come in again a year or so after that and back the third Kickstarter; 'Palaces of Fire'!

There you will visit the titular Palaces of Fire and meet all the individuals depicted here (except for one....)

Pretty simple really. 

Though actually we do include a big lore dump at the start of this book which sets up and refers to the whole series and which is itself introduced by your old friend....



And who calls in a new friend, one freshly arrived at False Machine Towers, (we needed someone with a 'sonorous tone' for the Lore bits). Who are they....

Back the Kickstarter to find out!


Wednesday, 8 September 2021

Meet the Salt Dryad

Only three days (of marketing posts), till the Demon-Bone Sarcophagus Kickstarter is done.

"In the darkness, a ring of burning phosphorous orbs reveals a glittering chrysalis of violet crystal wrapped around an empty space, in the shape of a woman.

Her eyes sparkle like broken geodes. She wears a depleted uranium robe that curls around her like smooth silk, and carries a Tomb Key around her neck."

Handmaiden to the Queen of Fire, the timeless dryad has been chilling in her Helictite Boudoir, quietly watching the tendrils of her salt-ivy infiltrate and consume the local area.

"Glistering and glimmering, reflecting every ray of lamplight, the Ivy is a wonderland, shining like ice over steel, rising in piles from the floor and hanging like vines from above. Plantlike tendrils form a semi-enclosed globular bed, like a huge empty lantern, in the middle of the room."

Those of you familiar with Salt Dryads will know that they key to speaking with them is to be polite. (If your PCs played through Deep Carbon Observatory and met the Salt Dryads there then Navidorines responses will take that into account.)

The Keys to the Tomb

As for the Tomb Key - yes, this is a dungeon crawl and there are Keys. In particular the Tomb Keys which open (or aid in opening if you are an exceptionally good thief) several important doors. 

The Tomb Keys are cursed (or enchanted), should you receive one willingly, it acts as a normal item. If you receive one without the consent of its holder then each key weighs 75 Kilos (about 160 pounds). Though of course for the true OSR player having a super-dense item only opens up new and disturbing possibilities for trickery and problem solving.

New Interview

A new interview! On a little-seen blog, Dan Sumptons Peakrill!


Watch me be interviewed from a car! In respect for the theme of the book, one item in Dans car chooses to go on fire during the interview, can you guess what it will be, and when?

Add-On Products?

Can we 'add on' other False Machine products with Demon-Bone Sarcophagus?

Effectively - yes.

As soon as the book is printed it goes up on our store here;

The backers are then sent a code which reduces the cost of the book to zero.

They then go to the store, order the book using the code, paying nothing for the book itself, and pay postage to wherever they are.

At the same time you can order any other False Machine book available at the store and have it sent to you as part of the same order with combined postage

Tuesday, 7 September 2021

Tuesday Image Reveal - Boreala!


From the book;

"A living storm of brass, bronze and Verdigris-stained copper leaves . They roil in the darkness,, momentarily shaping the form of a hooded woman before decaying into storm."

what could this mean?

Nothing good as you are about to be sliced to bits by a witch made of metallic leaves and then carried booming through the tomb to an iron tree;

"Black Iron, nearly as tall as the room. Forged in perfect simulation of a crabbed, knotted, ancient stand of wood. Low, thick-trunked, with spiderous branches splintering from its crown and recurving like biting jaws. All jagged and studded with vile black iron thorns, each curved upwards to make certain nothing slips from their spike."

Where you will be jammed like the catch of a Shrike! Bleeding and (largely) helpless unless your friends can find you and get you down.

Why is this happening? Why and how would a spirit of wind be bound to guard a hidden tomb? Where does she rest and what does it all have to do with the strange time-locked statue of a Bird-Headed Man;

"Austere. Cross-legged on the plinth. A cloak of falling feathers frozen in time, each layered in bright colours like a laminated slide. In his lap, a whirl of glass, like a small tornado held like a monarchs orb. Very-tiny leaves are visible inside."

Is there anything you can do to persuade or avoid this Autumn Witch? Or must you find a way to battle the wind itself?

The only way to find out is to join the..



Monday, 6 September 2021

Monday Image Reveal - The Back Cover!


I will be posting an image every day till the Kickstarter ends and that starts today with our rear cover.

And why is an image this good just the REAR COVER?

It’s because the cover image (coming soon) is EVEN BETTER!

We are looking at 'Reductor', (not her given name). From the book;

"A woman like a twist of bone, all stooped and steepled like an abandoned church. A beautiful black and silver mask. Her hands and feet replaced by bronze hooks. Her long hair hangs down and around her neck she wears the medallion of a flensed face cut from red pearl."

Reductor was originally Rohtzukgambeh, (Roh-Tzuk-Gam-Beh), a somewhat-evil expert in mummufication and various other necromatic studies. So evil in fact that if she (or even her ghost) were to ever touch the floor, her soul would fall through the surface, tumbling whelling all the way to hell where her righeous punishment awaits.

She exchanged her eternal service to the Fire Queen for a tomb in which neither he ghost nor body would ever have to touch the floor. (You can see her sarcophagus there in the iamge suspended by chains).

In return she mummified the Queen of Fire and her ghost guards her tomb still (something also of benefit to her as she really does not want anyone disturbing that sarcophagus).

And for those who played through Deep Carbon Observatory, good(ish) news;

"She speaks in the Language of Fire and the Language of the Dam-Builders (vertical integration again!). Her intonation sounds like that of a reasonable Doctor, like someone making calming sounds for a nervous animal or someone about to perform an operation on a child; “Now-now, it will all be over soon.”

If any party member can speak the Language of Fire, or the Language of the Dam-Builders, or has any artefacts of the Dam-Builders from DCO then Reductor will be much more interested in them and may even try to converse with them. (Though she still plans to prevent any soul from leaving the tomb).

Find out more about the project at the



Sunday, 5 September 2021

Seven-Headed Beast



We only have a week left on the...


So get ready for posting. EVERY GODDAMN DAY this week. 

Each day I will be blogging an image from the book, along with two big reveals -  the Cover and the image that didn't turn out to be the cover but we ae still putting in the book.

Ending on Sat, September 11 2021 11:00 PM BST

That's 6pm in New York and 3pm in L.A.

When I will *try * (if I can get it set up properly), to do another 11th-hour Youtube livestream where I get increasingly drunk and FLIP OUT at trolls.

If anyone wants interviews or media, so long as it comes out before Saturday, I am available. Comment here or hit my email/

Friday, 3 September 2021

Room #1 -The Canticles of Time

 This is an exquisite corpse ping-pong dungeon between Scrap and I in order to publicise our KICKSTARTER (only SEVEN DAYS LEFT, WILL WE GET TO MAKE THE HEIST PLANS???)

Click the Gammon of Fate to find out;

And here is, 

The Hexahedron of the Monks of Flame

And now, room #1 The Canticles of Time

South – standard door, unlocked.
East – small door, not specifically hidden but hard to see until you get close.
Here the Monks of Combustion sang the canticles of Time, yet they sand too loudly and too long, and summoned the time-leviathan in room #5, which shattered causality in the Hexahedron and looped the singing monks and their choirmaster into an unending song.

The Time-Storm

Ranks of singing monks on each side standing in choirs. But but time is frozen in the room, the monks are splintered into moments like cubist paintings, all messed up, some fragments seem horribly aged, others as if no time has passed, some half aware of what is happening like the turning eye of a man frozen in ice which tracks you across the room.
All the music paper in the room has been torn as if be a great wind or flock of birds and hurled about the place, it hangs in space like frozen snowfall, each inscribed with fragments of the canticles of Time.
At the far north stands the Choir Master of the monks, flickering like a brain spasm between selves burning and ash.
Around his neck – a great KEY, set with bezoars and garnets, flashing silver. The AUTUMN KEY. (See room #4).
He is at the centre of the time-storm. Getting to him is like pushing through a heavy head wind, or climbing through glue. The air sticks and presses at you, the edges of your clothes unravel and decay
tips of your hair turn grey, the leather souls of boots rot and blades gain a patina of rust.

Fire and Ash States

The room begins in a random state and changes once per minute. As PCs get closer to the Choir Master it increases to once every 30 second and then once every 15 seconds.

Fire State

The place throbs red, beads of sweat stand out and blaze like gold, its like labouring indoors on a hot summer day.

The Song of Time

The song itself has (though infinite time looping, which doesn't wipe out its selfhood as information cannot be transported through time, evolved into a self-aware meta-organism composed entirely of continually-present magical sound.
It writes in the air like a serpent or a spiralling drake of blue-grey corposant.
Its life is infinite yet utterly bounded. Immortal, it fears death and dissolution yet rages in frustration at its inherently bounded existence. Though wrathful and frustrated it can be engaged in conversation, at least initially.
If a PC can covert it to any faith or philosophy that would teach it not to fear death, convince it that its existence is harming those who created it without due cause, or do both, then the song will voluntarily extinguish itself.
It can also be fought in more prosaic fashion. (Stats as a big flying snake).
If it dies and the Ash state of the room is still active then that will take over continually

Ash State

In the ash state the room has the shadowy cool of autumn where frost edges every paving slab and the shadows turn to blocks of night, breath plumes in the air, freezes and is then disrupted and scattered by the shadowy and formless movements of the echoes.

The Echoes

The unconscious time-trapped souls of the singing monks. The soul exists without time yet there is no time in which the monks may think or die and so the souls have gone mad.
The room is full of echoes, human shadows flocking like birds, whirling and wheeling. They grab and pinch at the PCs, trying to stop any movement in the room, especially towards the north.
The Echoes pinching can only do 1hp damage on each attack but there are 3d6 of them (changes each round) as the PCs crawl deeper into the north of the room the Echoes get first two actions to the PCs one, then three to one, (the time dilation doesn't accept them the same way).
Other than pinching, all the Echoes can do is repeat actions the PCs use against them.
Any specific action the PCs take to deal with the Ash room can be repeated against them 3d6 times (spread between PCs), so if the PC attack then the echo of that attack might kill them.
To get past the echoes of the monks doomed souls the PCs must either suffer through their attentions, elude or distract them somehow, or perform some specific action which nullifies them (all they can do is echo).
If the PCs get the Autumn Key, the time-loop stops (at least in this room) the bodies of the monk collapse to the ground as old ash along with the choir leader. The Song of Time dies if it hasn’t already.