Saturday, 11 April 2026

The Lost Great Crystal Debate

 
In a late and desperate attempt to shore up my ‘relevance’ I have been scouring the internet for evidence that I exist, and have stumbled into the tragic gap left by the lost ‘Great Crystal Debate’ DOES ANYONE EVEN HAVE A COPY? If you would like to find out more, scan down the following chronological list of text, video and audio discussions, down to 2018…
 

2015 – Podecast

 
Back in 2015 Scrap and I played around with a ‘Podecast’ (i.e. each was at the antipode to the other), and ended up recording a brief run of unedited ‘conversations’ about a rather wild range of subjects which ranged from 2015 into 2016
 
 

Podecast 1 - the Experiment




I honestly have no idea what is even  in this. Its eleven years old!
 

Podecast 2 - MONSTERS



https://archive.org/details/ScrapAndPatrick2a

Contents include; Rhiannas new video. Ghosts and why they hold candles. Skeletons and skeletor - egyptian theories of the dead. He-Man. Gas-Spores. Nazi Aurochs. “I’ve been around some pretty smelly subcultures.” Eating living things. Godzilla. Forbidden Planet. Imperialism and microbiology. Scrap fades in and out around this point for mysterious reasons. Possible collaborations. Natasha Allegri. Stephen Pyne. The state of modern poetry. The Art of Not Being Governed.(He wasn’t a poet.)
 

Podecast 3 - BEAUTY



Contents; http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/news/72404517/judges-take-a-shine-to-wow-winner. Zak hates nature. Snails. “The child of love and war is sex”. A thick silky coffee with cardamon. Crepuscular Rays. kelvin helmholtz. http://www.pncc.govt.nz/media/32138/citizensadvicebureaulogo.jpg http://www.firstlighttravel.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Maori-Rock-Art.jpg

 

Podecast - 4 BEES 




Contents; 1.20 Scrap starts rambling about chromosomes. - (seriously, think about skipping this part). 4.26 Gives up on that and starts again. Begins a very dark story about Bees. 8.00 King Arthur and Bees. 9.55 The Demiplane of British History. 13.25 Brief ramble here. 13.40 Other Planes, verticality. 14.50 Hook Birds. 15.25 Dinosauroids - http://povorot.deviantart.com/gallery/9348116/The-Dinosauroids. 15.35 The first few issues of Prophet. (I think these are in fact the same guy.) 16.35 “Bees, have to get this back to bees..” 17.20 Evolution of pollen, and therefore bees. 17.45 Exploiting colony organisms. Pretending to be ants. 20.10 We are colony organisms. 21.20 The nihilism of not cleaning your room. 21.45 Emergency coping mechanisms. 23.09 Sudden change in conversation due to girlfriend interruption. The Death of Avril Lavigne. 24.24 Schizophrenia. The voices are probably real. Believing you are in the matrix. 26.13 “That’s kind-of like a hive..” 26.45 In stories no-one can ever be competent. 28.15 Destroying a city with super-speed. 30.15 The delay between conception and creation. 31.00 Cut-Up
 
 
 

2016 - Doom of the Podecast


Podecast 5 - relate-able content

-

https://archive.org/details/Podecast5
 
Contents; 1.30 - Dark gods. 5.00 - FotVH Images. 8.30 - Please buy my fucking books. 9.30 - Making relate-able and insightful points about a variety of role playing related conversation things. 10.30 - Alchemy. 15.15 - First impressions of the OSR. 19.30 - Motivations are monsters from inside you. 21.30 - Choices in char gen. 31.30 - Cognitive silence. 33.30 - Traditional originality, fire, hirelings and dogs. 37.30 - Ten minutes on dark AI’s & nightmare futurism. 46.45 - Language, objects & baby psychology. 51.30 - Lard, the currency of agency. 55.00 - Stories, memory and experience, the grand conflict. 58.30 - Fail states.
 
 
 

Podecast 6 The Wonderful Kererū

 


The Wonderful Kererū appears only once in this Podecast but exemplifies the spirit of both participants, a fat, pompous, ridiculous animal snatching a whole twig from the tree of thought, eating a single flower and then throwing the rest away.
 
Contents; 0.07 - VotE. 2.38 - Weightlifters with no penises. 3.37 - Do you want to talk about pre-history? (We do not do this.) 4.36 - I cut a huge amounts of blathering out here. 5.00 - Scraps game. 7.10 - Complexity and depth. 9.30 - Scrap has a moment of clarity about the nature of Complexity. 11.10 - Where it actually starts to get interesting. 11.50 - The capacity of a post-apocalyptic world to create its own context. 13.10 - A new place to put adventures. 13.45 - “What’s his face? The guy who does Udan-Adan? We’ll probably never know his real name.” 14.15 - Our regular obligatory mention of Zak. 15.50 - Who did invent ‘the dungeon as a living thing? 17.28 - A Ghost in my house. 18.30 - The ‘blank slate’ game world & identity. 20.43 - Eve as the first D&D player, Adam as a Storygamer. 22.28 - Rachel Pollack’s ‘Unquenchable Fire’ I got the name wrong in the podcast. 24.26 - Our other regular segment on colonialism. 26.16 - Mention of Potatoes causes internet to drop out. 28.10 - It’s ‘Henry Moreton Stanely’ and I may well be wrong about Cortez. Have fun with Wikipedia. 31.45 - “You’re treating those children like subhumans.” 33.41 - Scrap is confused by the moral exchange inherent to Government. Sarah Horrocks would probably agree. 38.15 - “If only one culture has reliable deep-water navigation, that culture is effectively playing D&D with the world.” 39.45 - Cowboys on Mars. 41.53 - We expand our mentions of Zak to include his sister? Anyway, X-Men school-style Character Gen. 47.39 - Communicating on a Meta-Level. Maybe our players are friends. 49.15 - MY SPECIAL SETTING!! 51.00 - We cycle back to, or around, different contexts in which to place adventures.. 52.00 - The ancient civilization of Dan. 55.09 - The Halfmen of O by Maurice Gee. 56.55 - The Changeover by Margaret Mahy. 58.45 - Does the Conspiracy Theorist have a D&Dish world? No, not really. 60.01 - Pre-apocalyptic D&D. 60.03 - Stealing & faking art throughout history. 60.05 - Dirtbag Greys. The Burke & Hare of space. 60.07 - Changes in scale. Insect wars. 60.08 - The Author was ‘William Tenn’ and the book is Of Men and Monsters. 70.45 - Giants would be very vulnerable, and likely peaceful. 72.55 - The wonderful Kererū or New Zeland Wood Pidgeon. (A bird that flies through the glass in your window is also playing D&D). 76.00 - “Birds would be good D&D characters.” 81.00 - Evil Dolphins.
 
 

2017 - VotE!


The Secret DM — Veins of the Earth Interview with Patrick Stuart and Scrap Princess

 


A text interview about the original ‘Veins of the Earth’.
 
 

2018 - Crystals!


What Would the Smart Party Do? — Episode 80

 
I am not even sure what we talk about here but hopefully Dirks art for Silent Titans gets a mention!
 
Direct MP3: 
http://media.blubrry.com/thesmartparty/content.blubrry.com/thesmartparty/WhatWouldTheSmartPartyDo_80.mp3
 
Page: https://smartparty.wordpress.com/2018/09/13/patrick-stuart-interview/
 
 

The Great Crystal Debate!



The missing interview!!

Back in 2018 I was making my (negative) views on CRYSTALS widely known, when who should step forth to challenge me but the fool and creator of the BREAK! RPG, Reynaldo Mandarinian. To settle the matter for All Time, we got into a SAVAGE hour long verbal dual which, since there seem to be no copies surviving online, I will assume I won.

If anyone out there has any records or copies of the Great Crystal Debate, please let me know in the comments. The world deserves to hear my (assumed) victory, and how crystals were defeated for All Time.
 
 

2019 - The Worm!


Ignite Liverpool — Talk on the Wapentake

I am slightly embarrassed to see myself physically incarnated in maybe my only physical in-person talk.


 
https://youtu.be/nr4KKZMpf6Q
 
Those of you familiar with ‘Silent Titans’ will know about the ‘Wapentake of Wirral’ from that book, based on a real historical incident in which a corrupt lawyer got his hands on the medieval documents giving ownership of a dark age court and used them to form a criminal gang and extort the people of the Wirral.
 

 

The Worm Orouboros with Tom Fitzgerald


In this interview the beloved creator of ‘Middenmurk’, sits down to talk with me about the excellent and under-discovered ‘Worm Ouroboros’ by E.R. Eddison. (One day I will read the Zimiamvia trilogy).






2020 - DCO ReMastered


Loco Ludus — "Interview with Patrick Stuart" 

I have no idea what we talked about, but its 55 minutes long!
 
https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/loco-ludus/episodes/Interview-with-Patrick-Stuart-ebgc3h
 
 

‘Udda Ting’ podcast



Henrik Möllers podcast is still going strong. In this one I think we talked mainly about Veins of the Earth.


The Magniloquent Moth

 

Part One show notes (full version at the link); Deep Carbon Observatory (Remastered!), Patrick's talk on the Wapentake at Ignite Liverpool, Silent Titans, The world is a spell, Fear of a Black Dragon (DCO episode), Arnold's "Goblin Punch" blog and time traveling dinosaurs, Veins of the Earth, Fire on the Velvet Horizon, A Night at the Golden Duck, The audio starts to overlap in the second half of the episode, Time travel in RPGs, Continuum RPG.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-conversation-with-patrick-stuart-first-course/id1506689162?i=1000470707137
 
Part Two show notes CGP Grey's video about why your timeline is infuriating, Is the loose collective of RPG fans online a "community"?, A Distant Mirror, The Gods Must Be Crazy, Patrick's letter writing game (a literal play by post), FLAILSNAILS, Chris McDowall's conversion advice, TROIKA!, Half-Life Alyx, Tom Francis' games, Heat Signature, Tactical Breach Wizards, Deadliest Warrior Yes, there really was an IRA vs the Taliban episode.
 
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-conversation-with-patrick-stuart-second-course/id1506689162?i=1000470707139
 

 

2021 - Groan!


Appendix N Book Club


I actually remember this one and it was fun! I finally got to talk about something other than my own books! This is all about Gormenghast.

Zock Bock Radio

-

Apparently I am, (or was?) the Townes van Zandt of the OSR. I don’t know what that means but I will assume its good! Show notes in the link!

Monsters and Manuals (Noisms), Video Interview

 
 
I am horrified by the sight of my own face so will rush past this one.
 
Blog post: https://monstersandmanuals.blogspot.com/2021/08/video-interview-with-patrick-stuart-of.html
 
Youtube; https://youtu.be/sPhfvkRDxvo
 
 

 2021 -Demon-Bone!


Weird & Wonderful Worlds


Archons March On


Thanks to the commenter below who managed to dig this one up!



Whose Measure God Could Not Take



This one covers the Demon-Bone Sarcophagus Kickstarter, Gawain and the OSR community.


2022 - The End!


 "Art" with Her Christmas Knight




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOpKlStShCs
 
 

Then, Silence


Or at least, no interviews or appearances from 2022 to 2025 where I popped up in the ‘Weird Hope Engines’ zine fair.
 
Looking back on it, some of these bursts of extroversion were to help with Kickstarters, but it looks like the relative failure of ‘Demon-Bone Sarcophagus’ and the hangover from Covid really fucked me up more than I realised. I may have brought books out but I really didn’t leave the house for years. Damn.
 
Now, once again, I fitfully stumble into action, to prove to myself and the world that I exist.
(Seriously if anyone has a copy of the Great Crystal Debate let me know.)




Tuesday, 17 March 2026

Take This You Fiends

This is the story of an encounter with Tunnels and Trolls by a guy who did not know that much about Tunnels and Trolls and still doesn’t, so if you are a T&T maven and don’t want to hear some half-interested newb bang on, then stop reading now. (Also; they are bringing out a new version of this soon, and by god my post has nothing to do with it! I literally stapled together the rules that I used from ancient box-sets and a PDF, and I ignored most of them.)

7.5





Somehow, I have the boxed set for the 7.5 edition of Tunnels & Trolls on my shelf. I must have bought back around 2009-2011 when I was getting interested in RPG’s . Yet more curious; I have a vague sense impression that I actually read these rules. I remembered nothing of them, but if sitting un-played on a shelf for fifteen years makes an RPG guilty then I don’t want to be innocent.

More recently I was listening to Chris McDowalls ‘Rule of Three’ podcast, where he interviews game makers about three favourite works, and he brought up the story of encountering someone at an Old-School meetup who had only ever played Tunnels and Trolls, and in fact, had only ever been in one campaign of Tunnels and Trolls, and had been gaming for years, this one game, this one world.

Clearly there is something going on with Tunnels and Trolls, I thought, and, foolishly, brought this up in a conversation with the Artist; “maybe that’s the secret, maybe we all should have been playing Tunnels and Trolls all along.”

“Oh, you should run it for us.”

Thus came the curse. My smallest statements are literally engraved on Votans Spear, and I am a pussy, a clock was ticking; could I read and absorb the Tunnels and Trolls ruleset AND develop a dungeon for Tunnels and Trolls in time, and well enough to run an actually functional game? (Watch my reality TV series to find out.)

(tldr; I can. Comments from two of the players, the ‘Rogue’ and the ‘Leprechaun’ are scattered through this post.)

Long hours of digging through this ruleset, producing documents to make sense of it, and writing dungeon ideas on the back of till receipts at work, which provoked some consternation when colleagues looked down to discover that I had been scribbling about Moon Mice and “THERE IS A COUNTDOWN”.


Character Generation




T&T Char Gen begins in a space broadly adjacent to Dungeons and Dragons, with Seven stats (in 7.5 at least) rolled 3d6 and in my case, down the line. Add Gold, a ‘Height and Weight table and so-on. When complete you get essentially three Core classes; Warrior, Wizards and Rogues. (There are more but I won’t get into those). So far so D&D.

What’s different?


TARO

“Remember, triples add and roll-over. This rule always applies in Tunnels and Trolls.” – Ken St Andre




It doesn’t always apply; one of a number of ways the 7.5 ruleset seems to be written by someone with an irregular supply of amphetamines. However, this fascinating and distorting rule probably should apply more fully across the ruleset.

If you roll a triple in Character Generation, you add everything together and roll again, adding the resulting value. If the second roll is also triples, you add and roll again. If the third roll is triples, you add, and roll again.

This means that while the general range of stats for an opening character is likely similar to D&D, it’s possible that one or more players may have one or more stats that are insanely ridiculously high, creating an utterly distorting effect on the game.

And in fact this did happen in the game we played, with one Rogue rolling an insanely massively high CHA score and very mid scores for everything else, resulting in one of the party being or a youngish Matthew McConaughey, roaming around the dungeon just charming the shit out of everyone.

This is important because, like a lot of things essential to T&T, it strongly effects the tone of the world in which you play, the nature of the challenges you face and a range of other things. The wilder the dice curve, the whackier the reality.

The Leprechaun – “T&T produces lawless, erratic game outcomes, but *appears to be* rigorously designed. There are a lot of rules but they don’t really work. The depthless complexity acts as a wax seal that legitimizes the game outcomes. In combat, you do a bunch of calculation and roll a big pile of dice, which is a ritual act that irreversibly moves the game timeframe forward one increment.”

Liz Darnforth



Kindred

Kindred is ‘Race’ in old D&D terms, and while it looks like earlier editions had a relatively narrow range of ‘normal’ Kindred you could be, the 7.5 edition has gone utterly loopy and included stat tables for a gigantic (literally, you can be a Giant), range of possible races, from Skeleton to Vampire to Dragon.

Almost all of these Kindred are measurably better than standard humans. Even Skeletons are a bit better. There are no gates or limits on what Kindred you can be. This means, if you are playing 7.5 as written, you can be literally almost anything and that almost all of these are better than standard human stats.

If you include one or two of these ‘hackable’ or ‘optimisable’ elements in a game ostensibly dedicated to a balanced experience then they are flaws, but if you flood the game with them, then you fundamentally alter the expectations for what kind of game it’s going to be. This is one of a wide range of ways in which Tunnels & Trolls is protected from the negative effects of being Tunnels and Trolls by the fact of it being Tunnels and Trolls, the games own anarchic spirit keeps it… stable?; if you are the kind of person who wants to min-max and powergame, (which you could theoretically do easily in T&T), why on earth would you be playing this loosy-goosey game?

I set bounds that no-one could play a Kindred too large to actually fit in the dungeon. We ended up with one very charismatic human rogue, one Leprechaun (size and weight reduction tables are included) and one Star-Obsessed and (below average for his people) strong dwarf with a BIG AXE.

Talents

Every PC gets one ‘talent’; a particular thing that they do, and this could also conceivably be power-gamed but generally is not. They roll a d6 for their talent value and add this to the stat being used when rolling for this particular thing.

Level

Your Level in T&T provides a number of benefits, and is based explicitly upon your highest essential stat. This means you can start play at Level Zero, Level One, Two, or even possibly Three, and that as your stats fluctuate through play, you can possibly change Level, back and forth, within the range of even one adventure. (NONE of the specifically-designed character sheets I saw online were built with the essential changeability of the PC stats in mind. You are better of just using notepaper.)





Loony Tunes Adventure Gang

It’s clear that through the 7.5 editions it took to reach me, T&T had been through a lot of rules changes and additions. As I will describe later, I think many of these are errors, or at least, non-optimal.

Two things I agree with fundamentally are TARO and the more-recent extended-Kindred chart. I actively want a Loony Tunes Adventure Party with a bunch of whacked-out and distorted stats and a range of weird presences in the game. (How would a Leprechaun react to hanging out with a Vampire?). I think it’s generally fine if someone with crap stats inflates themselves with a Kindred, so long as they actually play that role (remembering they are still a below-average member of their own Kindred). I didn’t set it as a hard rule but I would probably state next time that anyone who gets a TARO roll and a massive single stat, should stay human, but everyone else can pick a Kindred.

In its simplicity, adaptability, broadness of concept, lightness and gonzo-feel, T&T feels well-adapted to the ‘Island of Misfit Toys’ style of play. It also seems to suit well a ‘play whatever/whoever you want’ ethos. So long as you stick with it, and take it seriously (coherent and sustained), though not seriously (with tragic gravity). [The two forms of seriousness will prove a vitally important distinction going forward.]

(I also made the PC’s buy clothes out of their initial gold store, which kept them all relatively poor. Though gold doesn’t matter that much in T&T. (Also, TARO applies to your Gold Roll in Char Gen too, so one PC may just have ‘being loaded’ as their core trait.))

The Rogue - “I liked having to buy my own clothes using the gold generated by character creation, it was like starting out in Oregon Trail or something. I appreciate that the clothes list was long and carefully priced out and if I was in charge I would add even more carefully described clothing choices which could be used to define the character you are playing. What if you sunk it all into one really great jacket, no mechanical effects. Could you describe a jacket in such a way that it is really tempting even if you are gonna have to put that arbalest back on the shelf?”


Liz Darnforth


The Combat Sequence

Farewell happy fields, where joy forever dwells. Hail, horrors, Hail! The Tunnels and Trolls combat sequence makes no sense. Attempts to fix have made it worse.

Conceptually it is brilliant. Once it was simple, intuitive, somewhat baggy and clean to play. I think years of people asking questions (filthy nerds) has ruined it. I tried to boil it back to what I thought was the core; a battle is on, both sides roll all their dice; whoever gets the biggest number wins.

Adventurers and Monsters calculate these differently; Adventurers have Combat Adds derived from their physical stats, and whatever weapon they are using. Monsters have a Monster Rating, which breaks down to their dice rolled (The Monster Rating divided by 10), and their own Combat Adds (Half their Monster Rating). Confusingly, some posh and special Monsters can also have stats like Adventurers, but let’s not even get into that.

Everyone has a big pile of dice. Everyone rolls. Bigger is better.

Over time additions have been made, (as a result of questions). Some wise, most I think not.

One positive addition is ‘spite dice’; every roll of 6 on either side, always counts as damage. I think this was made to amend the horribly brutal attritional effect of these massive dice pools contending over multiple rounds, and it works ok.

Other additions are complex arrangements of specific damage set aside and re-integrated during the round to account for people sniping ranged targets or similar, and specific arrangements of spellcasting where damage from certain spells is accounted like a weapon and the effects of others are placed before-this-and-that etc.


I Ignored Almost All of This

I ran combat description-first, rules-light, quick and high consequence. It ended up not unlike a storygame or a Dowlain modern ruleset.

Surprise Rounds are a slightly weird thing in T&T, (if rounds are truly meant to be around 2 minutes long), and thankfully I was able to ignore them. Likewise I ignored sniping in or out of combat.

How I conceptualised it was like this;

First; describe fully where everyone is and what is going on as combat breaks out, be above all vivid, quick and physically exact. Go round the table asking, quickly, what each character wants to do, or “what do you want to achieve in the next two minutes”. PCs can combine actions, do tricks stunts, etc or anything they like, but they can’t take too long thinking about it Tunnels and Trolls does not respond well to planning.

Second; everyone rolls their dice and we add them all up.

Third; whichever side won inflicts damage, and I describe the events of these two minutes turn out largely as they intended. However, the T&T ruleset does say that the losing side of this can decide who on their own side takes what damage. This infers, and I applied it as such, that the losing side gets some vote in how exactly things turned out in these two minutes. They don’t achieve their aims but they do get to choose events relating to damage to their own side (though not whether they take damage at all).

Last; I tried to go for big, consequential swings in the description of events that would rapidly lead one side or the other to be disadvantaged, to flee, surrender, negotiate, be trapped etc, I did not want this shit going on too long.


Liz Darnforth


Why Ignore the Details?

The game does not seem to want to be played that way.

I think the inclusion of Ranged and Magic attacks being, at some points, their own special thing, is ultimately fucking stupid, as you are rolling to make these special pre-attacks (each of which requires their own segment of the round to work in) and then counting them towards the total value of the HPT? And then at the end, you focus special damage on the specific targets of the magic or Ranged attack? At this stage why are you not just going person-by-person?

Even the rules seem confused about this as the details seem to change from edition to edition.

It looks like the simple, basic concept of the opposed, simultaneous, dice rolls, has been subjected to so many tactical questions and faffing about that over time, it has developed so many exceptions, set-asides, layered sequences and so on that it has, in effect, become exactly as, or even more complex than an equivalent D&D combat turn.

But D&D has the saving grace of being sequential-by-person, so at least while you are faffing with big numbers you are doing them one after another. T&T has the elegant conception of simultaneous action, but that then divided, excepted, specified and detailed so much that now the DM deals with an equivalent cognitive weight to D&D and the initially non-intuitive simultaneous action of T&T at the same time. It seems to me the worst of both worlds.

I forwarded description, and tried to keep it forward. Everything that happens can only be allowed to make sense in terms of what has already been visually and spatially described in natural language. The results of dice rolls feed into this and are fed back out as more description. The vivid description of events fills the need for specificity that the rules either ignore or don’t do well. Most of all its meant to happen light and fast.

The Rogue - “I remember way back starting a D&D game with some friends who had never played before, and at first when we got into fights they would say all these wild ideas of what they were gonna do (’I’m gonna put my bow over his head and grab the string and shoot the arrow in his neck that way”) and then get discouraged as the rules generally would at best penalize for you for trying something different than: hit with sword, watch hp go down. Doing the combat as narrative first, even if that did not have very much to to do with the dice rolls, and then narrative again after all the rolls (deciding how the damage gets doled out) was kinda nice. I am surprised at feeling this way as I do not usually like story game rules.

Everyone goes at once feels more nervewracking & unpredictable as a player: instead of things slowing way down you are all making immediate guesses about what would be best to do, which feels more real than if you have to wait your turn & can adjust your actions based on what happened to the person who went first. On the other hand, every time we got into combat seemed to end after a single dice roll: either we got crushed & ran away or the opposite happened- which on the one hand is hugely superior to sitting around waiting for your turn to hit guy with sword, but sometimes made things seem anticlimactic: players all do one thing each, roll dice, cool that’s it evil is defeated. I guess one has to lean heavily on narrating what’s happened (either on the DM or player side) to make things properly impactful? It’s possible this was just on account of lucky rolls & combats could have taken longer? It seemed like our characters were appropriately balanced to the dungeon though (the leprechaun died)”


Rob Carver



The Leprechaun – “T&T combat as written is almost pathologically bad. We generally want things to be useable and simple; if a ruleset has complexity, each complication should justify itself in producing a better play experience. Instead, the rules work together to produce an appalling result. Rolling a large pool of dice that’s the same every “round” makes it likely that there’s a consistent result, so that combat is guaranteed to feel samey and yield similar outcomes from round to round. But there’s also a disastrous feedback effect: damage reduces your Strength, which gives you lower combat adds and less weapon access, so you roll fewer dice, so you lose faster and faster, and you have to do a bunch of paperwork to figure out how much worse you’re going to do each round.”






Running the Dungeon


it all began to go wrong when they re-named Ralph



Play Time

I came up with a relatively simple 12-room dungeon with a lot if diegetic ‘safety rails’ and potential in-world guidance. The Rogue told me that a normal group will only handle about four rooms an hour, if that, so I planned for two possible sessions of up to four hours each. In fact they cleared the thing in just over two hours. Apparently I run games ‘quickly’(?)

The Rogue - “Patrick DMs like he is driving a bus with a bomb on it.”

Rob Carver

“Take That You Fiend!”

People seemed to like the principal of ‘Saying the Spell Names Out Loud’. I felt like it kept the tone right.

The Leprechaun – “I agree that saying the spell names as though you’re casting them yourself is a splendid idea. You can’t cast a spell without literally saying the magic words.”



Post-Adventure System Issues

I only had to make a single, one-shot adventure so I was saved any of the scaling complexities of ‘how much gold is there’ or ‘what do you do with the gold’? Or any worries about ‘what happens after this adventure? T&T (at least in 7.5) bases advancement on ‘Adventure Points’ which you hand out regularly, mid-adventure, and which can be used, mid-adventure, to improve PC’s stats, which effects what level they are. Gold or treasure is mainly used for buying spells or equipment.

The Leprechaun – “The one idea I was interested in was gaining lots of XP and spending it incrementally whenever you wanted. It really changes the texture of the game to be getting these drips of XP and feel like you could realistically, in one session, change something meaningful about your character. This is also a place where narrative and ruleset dovetail nicely: players can spend their XP to level up a given stat *right before they need it*, which feels like the character rising to meet a challenge.”


Rapid Monster Improvisation

T&T’s Monster Rating is a raw, single number from which are derived both the number of d6’s rolled and the ‘adds’. The ‘adds’ are reduced as the Monster suffers damage while the dice are not. This is perhaps even simpler than the Hit Dice concept and makes inventing, moving and shifting around monsters for change and improvisation relatively easy. It does result in some big dumb dice pools though.

Big Dumb Dice Pools

Everything is based on the d6 and everything is Dice Pools, rolled in big piles, simultaneously. The PC’s add up theirs and the DM adds up the monsters. It’s a lot of adding up. I am not sure how this will actually work once you get into the Monsters with really big numbers or the really big amounts of monsters. I think I recall in some Ken St’Andre ruleset, seeing his rules of thumb for managing huge dice pool numbers, which was essentially multiplying smaller pools, which is fine, but also; it’s your ruleset dude.

The Leprechaun – “3d6 * 6 is a *dramatically* different roll from 18d6 and would totally change the texture of the game. I kept finding things like this in the T&T ruleset. Most early TTRPGs seem “game design naive”, even most modern TTRPGs do. This can make them characterful, or introduce some loveable features by accident, but can also lead to miserable gameplay patterns.”

Liz Darnforth



Growing and Shrinking

Probably inspired by the ‘small’ and ‘large’ tables for character generation in 7.5, I included a shrinking rules in the dungeon. While I may have intended to use some complex coherent system based on alterations to the core stats, in fact I just eyeballed it, using patched together rule-ideas that were systemically inelegant but procedurally quick and functional; I made it up. T&T’s super-simple core stats make it easy to adapt things relatively quickly.


‘Lightness’ and Speed

They re-named the Dragon Continent :-(


It seems to me that the speed of T&T combat, combined with the relative lightness and light comedy of its setting, are key to how this is supposed to work.

The description of events plays a huge shaping part in deciding what seems reasonable to happen in a fight, i.e; is it reasonable that one guy might hide out in a corner and try to snipe with arrows? Is everyone going to end up in a big melee or are they spread out or separated? Is the environment going to do something odd?

The enormous potentiality of this simultaneous-resolution roll is only moderated by a mutual, vivid, lively and quick description of events.

Put simply, this shit falls apart rapidly if you are autistic or power-gamy about it, and gamers do tend to be autistic about everything. There should never be arguments over numbers or spazzy autistic D&D arguments over precisely what the rules should allow – if it seems like it makes sense then it can be done, or tried with a Saving Roll, or if not just a flat ‘no’. If this decision or roll didn’t go well, there will be another along soon! Very soon! And another and another and another.

Conversely, if you are lively engaged, largely trusting, and more committed to acting out an adventure than managing risk though careful play, then you may get a great boon; of a rapid, complex unfolding and multifarious range of combat events which might never happen in another game.

There must be a rapid, and easy exchange of description and descriptive power between the Players and DM, especially in combat. It’s like dancing. It only works if you go in moving and go forward. If you hold back and try to plan and limit risk, or hyper-plan, you fail.

The Leprechaun – “Despite working on TTRPG systems myself, I think the ruleset barely factors into how good a given game session is. I had a wonderful experience playing Mausritter a few years ago and that game is rancid. My actual play experience with T&T was excellent, because you’re a great DM, and [The Rogue], [The Dwarf], and I are good players. I still think I would have preferred a system where every single outcome was decided by coin flip. But then my choice to be a leprechaun wouldn’t have been legitimized by doing a bunch of arithmetic with tables!”

The slight silliness of the setting, along with the ridiculous range of possible ‘Kindreds’ (I can play a Leprechaun with a Bardiche), and the slightly light tone, all help to control and manage the kinds of personality drawn to the game and the way that they play. (A meta-game effect like a Gonzo X-Card).

I feel like getting rid of this (slight) silliness and trying to make the setting and the game answer more ‘normie’ Fantasy questions actually ruins it. The absence of tangles and argument is just an effect I can describe of a cause it’s hard to define; it is the spirit of the game. It’s why the Dragon continent is shaped like a Dragon and (should still be) called ‘Ralph’. If you don’t like the idea of running, or playing on, a ‘Dragon Continent’ shaped like a Dragon, and called ‘Ralph’, or of a Skeleton teaming up with a Dwarf, a Vampire and an Elf, then the game has done its job.

The Rogue - “Maybe it is not so important that a game system have any particular level of seriousness as that it have like, any discernable character at all? While there’s a utility in basic fantasy tropes ( everyone knows what a dwarf is like so it is easy in your personal character to subvert or exemplify it) most world building in game systems ends up just being like the collecting of influences listed on such as a Kickstarter page as a reassurance that you won’t find anything too surprising or new here.

Anything in the games rules/setting that is discernably created by a real idiosyncratic human ( whether that is being unfashionably comic or having edges that are not sanded off entirely) is a chance to have an actual experience of art that’s your own interaction with another real person not with a corporation or like sales goals and it’s worth forgiving a lot of shakiness of rules and so on to get that.”

This is also built into the nutty world-creation of ‘Tunnels and Trolls; Trollworld is literally built on wizards. Or at least, huge numbers of whacky wizards have inhabited it over time, burrowed into its crust and disappeared under the earth, building their own strange ‘magical realms’, which form the nuclei of, one would assume, huge tunnel complexes. In in-world history is literally ‘a wizard did it’. Gonzo dungeon design is the actual geology of Trollworld. Gonzo, or a Toybox, or very ‘Dungeony’ gamified non-naturalistic dungeons work well with this ruleset and play experience. It’s not a ‘flat’ game, either in its aesthetic, or the probability curves that underlie it. I am not sure if its modern re-creators have grasped this.






Sunday, 15 February 2026

"And next year.. Queen Mab.."

Man this took a long time. My earliest development notes date back to July 2020. This was originally meant to be an adventure.

The idea came in at almost the same time that the Covid 19 Pandemic began.




2020- Covid and Genesis

The earliest file I have is “Queen Mab Base File 15072020

I used to live in Birkenhead and take the train into Liverpool to work in the Library there. Slowly I began to notice less and less people working in the Library, and odd people wearing masks on the train. Eventually I was the only one left, masked up, working alone on an empty floor, then the library closed, then my gym closed, then oh boy my life got a lot worse.

Phobos

Actually, the ‘real’ earliest file I have on Queen Mab is from a project I conceived of around March 2020 called ‘Phobos’. One element behind this was doing a different or new version of ‘Maze of the Blue Medusa’. I only have two files left relating to this and one of them is just a blank Notepad document called ‘THE PHOBOS’. Here are the entire contents of the other file, and the total development done on that idea;

“A space ship

Inderdimensional Fey Techno-Vessel

3 Transhumanist Techno Angel Fey chicks

From a post singularity post apocalyptic futurepast

Titan-Children, or architects

psathyrella - th Infinite

(Weird space angels)

Some new arrangement

re-write of the opening area

factions and moving parts

Where am I to get names?

Science Fictional

Poetic

Memorable

Decks of a ship?

How to Introduce Concepts

Lizardmen are Zombie Engram Humans

A cylender ship?

a spiral, like a helix of DNA?

like a curl of smoke

sections - but they intertwine

but like a ship also, a tendril of sails

>> reflection of a cosmic solar-sail vessel on a midnight sea

seen through a dimensional mirror thing

Maybe you can enter through any painting in the ship?

or through many of them

More complex desires/actions for the factions

Lizardmen

Aurum Spectre

Critics

A repository of culture

like an ark

the ark of fear

holding humanities hopes, and its end

evolved past the need for

and you enter it maybe from a fantasy setting

like its a normal ship

but then you work out - or the player works out

its a space ship

or an interdimensional thing

or the PCs would think its an Elf prison

even though its supertechnical”

What remains from that concept into the final ‘Queen Mab’ seems to be; transhumanism, fey babes in space and the idea of a space ship entered from a fantasy setting.

We cut ahead a few months. By this point I must certainly have encountered August because she is mentioned here and our first formal agreement dates from a month before this. So we must have been discussing it. Here we are definitely reading a proposal for an Adventure;

“Concept

The idea for this adventure is that, depending on how you orient the page as you read it, it is both a fantasy and a science-fiction adventure.”

HOW THIS IS MEANT TO WORK IN THE PRINTED BOOK?

When you flip the book one way - with the spine on the right, as in western books, then its a science fiction adventure.



When you turn the book upside down and read it “backwards”, like a manga, then its a fantasy adventure.
BUT - the truth is that these are the same people and places but just seen from different cultural perspectives

the portrait-images of the main characters are flipped like those of playing cards, one half facing one, direction the other facing the other direction.

The Science Fiction adventurers will see it as a dimensionally-warped ship of perverted biomechanical transhumans.

In terms of adventure design, the context of the information they can get and are given will lead them to see it as a technical and material problem, and the very nature of their inquiry and the way they seen the people in it

will make the *mission* darker and more dangerous for them. Their technical abilities and the power of destruction and opposition that their guns etc give them means they are more likely to start conflicts.

BUT

If PCs enter this realm from a Fantasy Land, they will see it as a strange Eld Palace (Spenserian & Shakesperian elves rather than Tolkien) and will react to the beings there very much as if they were elves. They will (probably) not believe they have much of a chance of direct opposition so will fall back on the traditional weapons of the weak: courtesy, deceit, flattery, cunning and thinking ahead.

AND - most importantly, they will treat the beings in The Queen Mab *the way they wish & expect to be treated*.

So for fantasy characters it will be more of a dangerous social/investigation adventure, whereas for SCi Fi characters it might become more of a ‘run and gun’ shooty and/or running-away horror adventure. Either Alien, or Aliens, depending on how competent your PCs are

Wonder, or Horror. (Or both).

Format Of This Product?

I’m basing it roughly on Sean McCoys ‘Mothership’ and associated adventures. So I would say;

Size - US half-letter size, or A5.

Pages – estimate 42 pages, say 21 spreads inside.

Stapled booklet on decent quality paper.

Should be relatively easy to print and simple to send about.

‘Mothership’ is very dense and really a masterwork of layout. I doubt I can match that density but hopefully I can get close.

Aesthetic Concepts

My initial Aesthetic prompts are Alcopopstars “Ship of Theseus” and “Chernobyl Fairy Pool”.

So based on that - everyone is blue and female and there is lots of biomechanical porn/horror/beauty.

Which I am cool with - actually I am not cool with it - I really really like it and the strangeness, intensity and beauty of those images was a prime driver behind the concept.
HOWEVER - I am open to alternative approaches and the aesthetic is far from set atm.


Shelly

Another aspect of this ‘design doc’ is the huge number of quotes from Shelly’s Queen Mab;

“Unalterable will, quenchless desire

Of universal happiness, the heart

That beats with it in unison, the brain,

Whose ever wakeful wisdom toils to change

Reasons rich stores for its eternal weal.”

Which I must have read about this time. Shelly’s Mab is an extremely, almost hyper-progressive poem about human development, and while relatively little of the scenes and figures end up in the final ‘QMP’, this verse of helter-skelter revolutionary human potentiality does seem to affect the soul and background of what becomes a somewhat nightmarish Post-Human ‘Paradise’

“The restless wheels of being on their way,

Whose flashing spokes, instinct with infinite life,

Bicker and burn to gain their destined goal:”




“Sean McCoy Built this in a cave with a box of scraps”

Thusly, work begins! A SIMPLE (directionally flipped duo-adventure) SHOT (42 pages and 21 spreads!) product. Surely, this won’t take long!

“Logistically, how does this work? in terms of timeframe and revenue split?”

Timeframe - this is the hardest one to answer. The longest I’ve ever had, a huge project that got delayed a lot, was about 5 years.

For this I would guess at about a year, the majority of which for you would be waiting around while I did stuff.

Yes…. about a year

By the time we get to the end of 2020 the basic idea of what this place is going to be, has become a lot more clear, the High Ladies exist, and their courts are set; The Queen of Air and Darkness in Autumns Halls, the Pythian Three in the Court of Dreams, Elpozoi in her Grove of Joy, Nights Iron Chariot, the Parliament of Beasts (largely cut from the final text), the Nome Queen in the Symphony of Forms, Her Grace of Wyrms in the Wyrms Roost, ‘The Halls of Melinoe’ (a little different now), and Matterjack and Antijack.

And we have a little bit of (very sketchy, I hope August won’t mind me posting this), art for ‘Queen Mab’;






2021 – Peak Patrick Hours

Its 2021 people! Good news for Patrick; DCO Remastered comes out and is very popular. This is by far and away the most popular and successful thing I have ever produced since I started self-publishing, I think it nearly matches the sales volume of the rest of my catalogue put together.

I still remember the delivery of the final book to my flat; I had it sent to what I thought would be a more accessible location and ended up having to take an Uber to some industrial estate in the middle of summer, masked up, sweating and confused, and wandering around the place looking for my boxes of books. Can’t remember if I walked back or got another cab.

While I must have been pretty busy doing other things, 2021 shows regular, at least weekly, and often daily, growth in the regular drafts of ‘Queen Mab’. There are a bunch of things here which end up ‘on the cutting room floor’ and don’t appear in the final book, for instance, the Exo-Petitioners;

Exo-Petitioners

You Hear

Barks in an unknown language. A devil-box eats this tongue and spits it out in comprehensible metal words.

“Put your hands up! Who are you? Who do you serve?”

You See

Sun-Spears blind you. Lances of burning white light, carried by hunters who seem no more than black shadows behind the sun-bright lamps.

An older, calmer voice calls out, ordering the hunters, who drop the lances of their lamps.

As sight returns you, you see a strange conclave; an old hunter and his strange followers, circled and guarded by a league of blind men. All wear masks of glass strapped around their heads, attached to tubes which lead to flasks of imprisoned beneficent wind.

These are men, of a sort. Not quite as you know them.

The Petitioners

The Old Hunter

A grave gentleman with a lined, heavy face and hair like snow. He wears something like a hunting jacket with a slim silk scarf hanging in a straight line down the centre of his pure white shirt. His clothes are finely made, though in simple cut and sombre colours which match his strong and certain manner. Clearly he is leader of this group. Though he is dressed to hunt, he carries nothing in his hands.

[For August – the references to ‘hunters clothes’ or being ‘dressed like a hunter’ are meant to be someone with a middle-ages aesthetic looking at a modern suit, for which the trousers, short jacket and tie might seem like a strange version of the clothes worn by nobles when hunting.]

The Scrivener

A young woman in a fitted hunting jacket and skirt. she carries a case at her side and holds a tablet. She treads closely upon the old hunters heels, attending to his words

replying only with agreement, and scribing in her tablet.

The Priest

An old man with a long grey beard, wearing a fine robe embroidered with strange symbols, he walks with a tall ivory staff, topped with gold. He is deeply troubled by everything he sees.

The Mage

A woman, her hair tied and face unadorned but for glass lenses upon her nose. She wears a knee-length coat of purest white over a mans grey hunting suit. She glances about herself, like a bird, talking overmuch, though largely to herself. She carries a bulky case and holds the devil box which speaks the transformed metal words.

The Warrior

A warrior in a peaked cap, his face lined and serious, his chest bestrewn with medals and ribbons of many colours. His gaze roves about, dauntless and impetuous. He has a miniature cannon at his side and he shouts orders at the blind guardians.

The Blind Guardians

Strong and vital men wearing the black glass shades of the blind. Yet they look about themselves, glancing here and there, listening to the orders of the great warrior. Their sombre hunting clothes are like that of the Old Hunter, yet not as perfectly made. They hold small cannons and sun-spears which they shine about at any noise or movement.

The Plea Of The Old Hunter

In metal words passed through his mages devil box the Hunter tells his tale;

“I rule a far land.

One fall-time, strange things came. Flyers in the sky. Beasts, Satryrs and Dancers stepped from shadows and from water, like reflections.

Our tools turned on us. Our fighters fell sick, or were lost to dreams.

They took much. Winter came. They left.

Since then, many dream without sleep. More and more each day. Soon the dreamers will outnumber those who wake.

We can find no cure.

Autumn came. The leaves turned. A white Satyr came, and said; Come, King, beg Queen Mab, and she will heal your harm.

The White Satyr showed us a door in the shadow of falling leaves.

So I have come to find this Queen Mab. To beg her to lift her curse of dreams.

We are lost here. No food and water. Please help us.”

 


2022 - ‘HA HA HA I AM A GENIUS’

Bad news everybody! Demon-Bone Sarcophagus comes out and it is not well liked to put it mildly. (It actually sells not-too terribly, about half the rate of DCO, but unfortunately I had, lets say, a LOT of confidence in this project and its collapse was demoralising.)

This far in, the art for ‘Queen Mab’ is starting to look a lot more like the final version and the file is starting look a lot like an actual book. We have tables like this;



One or two characters from which do actually show up in the final text.

By the end of the year I have… massively overwritten the idea. 2022 ends with 306 pages and nearly 79,000 words. Any idea of a ‘short adventure’ is clearly left long behind, but where am I actually going with this? While continuing to detail the people and places of ‘The Queen Mab’, I am also bringing in hyper complex concepts like the time-looped ‘Knights of Grief’, strange extra-causal ‘Messengers of Time’ and aspects of the adventure that include messages from your future selves and the idea of multiple plays as an intrinsic diegetic part of the setting.

This is all very innovative but this idea is huge, and growing ever more complex, and every form of complexity interacts with every other form, requiring more and more prodigies of explanation and contingency.



2023 – a Crowhurst Moment

Speak, False Machine comes out this year and does ok. A massive book at a high-ish price, and all little more than a testament to my own self-importance. The robots won’t be able to re-write me now!

But with Mab, clearly I have begun to recognise that I have fucked up severely. There are only eight updates for this whole year.



2024 – Wait, I Can Still Fix This

The year of Gackling Moon, another book whose publication history is… complex, and long.

With Mab, a sea-change has taken place. Clearly I have given up on writing an actual adventure module. Instead my drafts have been re-named ‘Queen Mab – a Guide’ and everything starts to be re-written in a very different manner.

“I find I must speak a little more to tell you first of the manners of the palace for its courtesies are so curious that, should I embark to tell you of this or that realm or court and you have not the way of it first, what might be held strange shall seem beyond understanding.

While it is said that the Palace is a Free Kingdom where one might rise or fall by ones own efforts, aye even beasts and the doors given voice, the dead walk and dreams made real, in truth the High Ladies rule all, and Mab rules the High Ladies.

The creatures and courtiers may be somewhat predatory, cannibalistic, homicidal and mad, but they are rarely impolite. Even the lowest; the Kroo and the Dwellers of the Crypt will make some attempt at forms of politeness. Courtesy does not preclude predation. The Palace hovers often on the edge of famine. In the Crypt one may eat freely of whomever one may take, save those blessed by Melinoe, or in a Night Market during a Saints day. In the Courts there is a different law; one should not predate, save by the will of whatever court one is in.”

This is the first existence of the voice of ‘The Scribe’; the narrator of a ‘Gackling Moon’ style Gazeteer, written in an Epistolary style, a visitor from a pseudo-medieval culture describing ‘The Queen Mab’ for… who exactly?

The first ‘Scribe’ is bodiless, nameless, even genderless, I never knew even what sex they were or what they looked like. But this will slowly change..

Around April, the drafts of ‘Queen Mab – a Guide’ transmute into ‘Queen Mab’s Palace’, and then into ‘QMP’, I am on a roll here and its during this grand re-write of 2024 that the descriptive ‘place’ sections are broken up, moved around and absorbed into particular recollections by in-world characters. The ‘Guide Book’ slowly changes into a ‘Story Book’. The ‘Scribe’ gains a gender, a form, and a strange and particular history. They even get their own drawing!

Most people who have read the final text of ‘Queen Mab’s Palace’ say something like; “It’s not bad, the first part reads kind of like a game and the end more like a novel” and I think I am ok with this. I could have re-written more, made it more and more and more like a novel, but I am fine with the presence of time and the development of the writer in a text, and I like the book the way it is, and of course, remember the “42 Pages” and “About a year”. By this point the phrase “and then Queen Mab” and “still working on Queen Mab” have bedded themselves so deep into my vocabulary that they are like automatic speech.

By August (the month) 2024, I have completed a ‘Draft Zero’ which is pretty much the text for the finished book

And in October 2024, we run a successful..



KICKSTARTER!



Yes everything is going ok and we will certainly have a finished book for you by….

Oh my god….




2025 - Did I really publish nothing this year?

Look, things just take a while.

Layout, discussions, firm and frank exchanges of views, art, more art. I know it seemed like not much was happening but in fact a fair amount was and I can prove this because we did indeed produce a finished book! It just took just over a year to get everything laid out and finished and the book actually printed.


But it does exist!




2026 – No-One Killed Me



Donald Crowhurst is a semi-famous figure in British modern mythology; an attempted amateur round-the-world solo yachtsman, his self-designed yacht started to fall apart mid-Atlantic.

In a world with global radio coverage, but without, yet, a universal Global Positioning System, the only way for the race observers to confirm the yachts locations across the globe was via self-report. Each contestant would radio in, every day, with a latitude and longitude, to tell everyone how they were doing.

As Crowhursts actual position began to fall behind the other contestants, he began, only a little at first, to bend details, to place his reported position just a little ahead of where he actually was. Then the next day, having lied a little, he lied some more, all the while desperately dealing with a leaking, floundering ship, alone in the ocean. Thinking, perhaps; “I can make it up, I can get back on track.

Eventually he seems to have come up with a desperate concept to rescue his dream; he would float around in the Atlantic, going nowhere, living out this fantasy of a round the world race, with fake reported positions and fake events, until the actual race did finally go circumvent the earth, and returned to the Atlantic, at which point he would join in, for real, and float into port, ahead of the rest, having gone ‘round the world’.

Either he fell into the sea or took his own life. His body was never found, just the empty, leaky yacht, with no Crowhurst, but two well-kept logbooks; one showing every position of his ‘round the world race’, the other, his actual, mad empty circles in the Atlantic.

Who knows, perhaps he is still out there somewhere, living under another name. We can hope.

(Shelly, who wrote the ‘Queen Mab’ quoted above, also died mysteriously in a boat.)



What does this have to do with ‘Queen Mab’s Palace’? Absolutely nothing.

Anyway, thanks to August for not actively murdering me. The book is now done and is available for sale. I think its pretty good.