Wednesday, 6 December 2017

There is no picture of the guy om the Dromedary - FQ Book 4 Canto 8

Our Squire is still being miserable in the forest, weeping and wailing by night and day when, by chance, a Turtle Dove 'Who likewise late had lost her dearest love,' sees his sad plight.

The Dove adds her song to his;

"Shee sitting by him as on ground he lay,
Her mournefull notes full pitaously did frame,
And thereof made a lamentable lay,
So sensibly compyld, that in the same,
Him seemed oft he heard his owne right name.
With that he forth would poure so plenteous teares,
And beat his breast unworthy of such blame,
And knocke his head, and rend his rugged heares,
That could have perst the hearts of Tigers & of Beares."

The Dove becomes his friend and stays with him, sharing his food, until one day, on impulse, he pulls out a jewel given to him by Belphebe;

"That was a Ruby of right perfect hew,
Shap'd like a heart, yet bleeding of the wound,
And with a litle golden chaine about it bound."

He ties the ruby about the Doves neck, and she quickly flies away.

The Dove flies straight to Belphebe who reckognises the gem and reaches for it. The Dove flies away, leading her;

"Till that at length into that forrest wide,
She drew her far, and led with slow delay"

Leading her right to the Squire;

"Eftsoones she flew into his fearlesse hand,"

Belphebe is Chivalric enough that she 'Knew him not, but pittied much his case," while the Squire can only sob and wash her feet with his tears;

"Ah wofull man, what heavens hard disgrace,
Or wrath of cruell wight on thee ywrake?
Of selfe disliked life doth thee thus wretched make?

If heaven, then none may it redresse or blame,
Sith to his powre we all are subject borne:
If wrathrull wight, then fowle rebuke and shame
Be theirs, that have so cruell thee forlorne;"

Hearing this, the Squire speaks;

"Ne any but your selfe, o dearest dred,
Hath done this wrong, to wreake on worthlesse wight
Your high displeasure, through misdeeming bred:"

And hearing this, Bephebe abandons her 'inburning wrath' and they are both happy, apparently for a long time becasue the next verse says they lived together for quite a while with Arthur having no idea of where his Squire has got to.

And that brings us to Arthur himself; he comes upon Amoret and Aemylia starving and wounded after their encounter with the woodwose.

Ok, so -

1. Amoret gets lost and captured, meets AEmelia.

2. They both get saved by the Squire and Belphebe.

3. Belphebe loses it with the Squire and leaves him.

4. He has enough time to build a hut, grow a beard, change physically so much his ex boss doesn't recognise him and carve every available tree B E L P H E B E.

5. Then Arthur bumps into him, doesn't recognise him.

6. THEN - Some time later, Arthur finds Amoret and AEmelia, starving and still wounded from the encounter with the Woodwose.

What the fucking fuck.

Ok, fuck it. So Arthurs got them now on his Horse after succouring them with his nectar and questioning them about Belphebe.

They come upon a cottage;

"And entring in, found none therein abide,
But one old woman sitting there beside,
Upon the ground in ragged rude attyre,
With filthy lockes about her scattered wide,
Gnawing her nayles for felnesse and for yre,
And there out sucking venime to her parts entyre.

A foule and loathly creature sure in sight,
And in conditions to be loath'd no lesse:
For she was stuft with rancour and despight
Up to the throat, that oft with bitternesse
It forth would breake, and gush in great excesse,
Pouring out streames of poysone and of gall
Gainst all, that truth or vertue doe professe,
Whome she with leasings lewdly did miscall,
And wickedly backbite: her name men Sclaunder call.

Her nature is all goodnesse to abuse,
And causeless crimes continually to frame,
With which she guiltlesse persons may accuse,
And steale away the crowne of their good name;
Ne ever Knight so bold, ne ever Dame
So chast and loyall liv'd, but she would strive
With forged cause them falsely to defame;
Ne ever thing so well was doen alive,
But she with blame would blot, & of due praise deprive."

Spenser takes an unusual self-commentary to point out that some readers may be looking askanse at two Ladies spending time with a Knight alone.

I have no fucking idea why he might be saying this. There have been, maybe several million rapes so far, and more murders. Can it possibly be true that in this cauldron of hypocrutical depravity there has been no situation with a lady alone in a room with a knight?

Regardless, he tells us not to worry becasue these are 'antique times' and people were innocent and virtuous then, apparently ignoring the entirity of the rest of the poem that he already wrote.

They leave and scandal follows them screaming shit;

"So she them seeing past the reach of eare,
Against the stones and trees did rayle anew,
Till she had duld the sting, which in her tongs end grew."


Now begins a freaky interlude, Arthur and the girls encounter another 'High Level' bad guy. Someone 'Ryding upon a Dromedare', 'of statue huge' and;

"From his fearfull eyes two fierie beames,
More sharpe then points of needles did proceede,
Shooting forth farre away two flaming streames,
Full of sad powre, that poysonous bale did breed"

"From powrefull eyes close venim doth convay
Into the lookers hart, and killeth farre away."

This guys is chasing a Squire (a new one) on a fast horse holding a screaming dwarf.

Arthur mounts up and we get Spencerian fight scene, eventually he hits the guy;

So furiously, that ere he wist, he found
His head before him tombling on the ground.
The whiles his babling tongue did yet blaspheme
And curse his God, that did him so confound;
The whiles his life ran foorth in bloudie streame,
His soule descended downe into the Stygian reame."

That's how I'd like to go out.

We find out about who this guy is from the Squire

Ok, so this is a long relation, I will summarise. Remember the Squire who was going to meet Aemelia, but they never did and she got captured by the Woodwose? Well the Squire got captured by Corflambo (the guy with the magic eyes), and thrown in his dungoen. There the giants daughter, Poeana fell for him and tries to woo him. The keys to the castle are held by this Dwarf, who works for Poeana.

This particular totally different squire  hears about the captured Squire and goes to rescue him. Luckily he looks just like his best friend who got captured. The Dwarf sees him, and since Squire 2 (free) looks exactly like Squire 1 (captive) he assumes Squire  has escaped and locks him up with his friend.

His friend is like WTF. Squire 2 is like chill, I got this.

Next day the Poeana asks for the hot guy shes got imprisoned, so the Dwarf brings up Squire 2, as they look the same.

Squire 2 isn't sworn to AWmelia or anyone else and when she comes on to him is just like 'sure, I'm into you girl, I get it now. Not so he can get with a sexy Giants daughter (who also has magic powers) but just so he can help his friend.

He plays it chill with her for a while till she relaxes his chains, then grabs the Dwarf with the keys and GTF out.

Not a great plan as he was chased by her dad, but he ran into a chivalric superman who took out the bad guy so hey, here we are. End Canto.

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