Wednesday, 5 July 2017

Drunk Cogman Post

(wrote this last night while drinking, will just hit upload and go)

The things I liked about Tranformers: The Last Knight

I've said before that Micheal bey, Bay, makes an interesting sculpture garden, I think with the last one the best individual form was that beardy guy who got turned into a metal statue in the first act

With this one the Cogman form and the Quintessa form, if they were ever produced life-size, would be increadible sculptures

You can really see his detailing in this one.

The interesting thing about the Cogman character is that its this increadibly strange combination of a form which is like this refined art-deco masterpiece, the voice of that guy from Downton Abbey, a script that makes him a kind of crazy butler with anger issues and a mo-cap performance by an actress whos name I can't find anywhere, which is a pity because she added a huge amount to the role

and all of this captured in Beys aspergers-details whirl-a-vision

the motion in particular is fascinating, I think the actress was a dancer; Cogman whirls and glides around the screen, when he's walking some dogs and the dogs do that thing they do when they are on a lead, wrap themselves stupidly around the person, cogman performs this elegant mid-step half-pirouette without breaking rythm and walks on

in the Dan Brown tranformers conspiracy castle he leaps and noodles, strikes poses from greek theatre

when anthony hopkins starts blasting transformers with a lazer gun and gets fucked up for his death scene, Cogman almosst skips and leapd down beside him, poised on flexing limbs like a cat

when Hopkins and Cogman are driving around being chased, Cogman nestles and writhes in the supercars bucket seat like a smirking cat

and becasue Cogman has the motions of a woman, with the voice of a man, playing an very beautiful angry robot, it produces this performance of really fascinating dissonance

By concept designer Steven Messing

and then we have Gemma Chan as an italian futurust sculpture if the italian futurists had CAD and would actually sculpt a woman

Its really hard to get good Quintessa pictures online

this is low-res, she looked better

and the huge dreamlike wash of images
because the plot is utterly fucked and nothing makes sense

so there is a junkyard bit with tra


I forgot the King Arthur bit at the beginning, the big battle looks Warhammer as _fuck_
and then a giant steel three-headed dragon is there, that's another good sculpt

but yeah, Transformers being dumb bros in a junkyard with robot dinosaurs, a chase around a ruined town, the Dan Brown transformers conspiracy bit where you find out Bumblebee was in World War Two, (so there logically must have been Nazi transformers), and then chasing, then a WWII submarine that apparently is a transformer but doesn't transform, then a really beautiful underwater fairyland thats actually a sunken space ship, then undead robot knights fighting special forces scuba guys, then the spaceship comes up and its this futurisic landscape being washed by massive waves, then cybertron which is made of magnificent fractal digital hexagons but is also kinda half-exploded like its half-way through transforming, then ahit, what then, oh then an arial insertion into space somehow, no, cybertron sends out its fractal tentacles and digs into the earth and like a million or more people must die just from that, then the osprey plane space-dive thing where they land on the surface of an alian planet thats crashing into, or digging into? earth, and then a military fight scene on the planet where they have to "take cover" and "shut down that artillery" and then I think the dragon comes back, then there is a 'gravity' but, like the film Gravity, then they win, then they drive through cornfields and Optimus Prime has to go back to his own planet

oh and Optimus prime turned evil and fought Bumblebee, exactly like in Star Treks 'The Best Of Both Worlds' where Riker has to fire on Picard, but then he turned back

Anyway, who was the unnamed Mo-Cap actress who played Cogman? Anyone know?


  1. My Search skill hinted Jade Quon but I can be wrong...

    1. Someone already found her in the G+ comments but thanks!