Monday, 14 March 2022

Choose Your Neo-Cyberpunk Team

  1. E-Girl Drag-Racer
  2. DogeCoin Millionaire
  3. Boston Dynamics Auto-Dog
  4. Christian V-Tuber
  5. Medieval Combat Influencer - all the skills and weapons of someone trained to *approximate* any form of medieval combat
  6. Post-Irony Smirkfamous Boomerstar - greetings fellow kids
  7. Meme-Powered Cryptocrat - I don't know what this is
  8. Semi-Sentient Camera Drone
  9. Single-Camera P.O.V Chat-Bar Gestalt Mind - an infinity of answers, but only for things *that particular* camera is pointing at, they tend to backseat
  10. Living Laptop - begs you not to turn it off but overheats if left on
  11. Sentient Chatbot - it can, in fact, help you with that
  12. Top 0.3% OnlyFans
  13. Viral Midas - everything they touch turns viral, more of a curse than a blessing
  14. Fedora Samurai - they did, indeed, study the blade, nemesis of tatami mats
  15. Cyrogenic Disney-Head L.S.D. Tulpa - enlightened, but not to the extent of accepting communism or beards on men
  16. Smash-Bros Pattern-Matcher - near-unbeatable in combat *provided it takes place across a single 2-dimensional axis*
  17. PrequelMeme Sorcerer - not a story the Jedi would tell you, reality warping powers contained by, and expressed through, the context of Prequel Memes
  18. Nokia 3310 Unbreakable Berserker Call Service - while the Nokia 3310 (and no other make or model) is to their ear and the call is active, they are Guts from Beseark (on the phone)
  19. UberEats Gunman - delivering both food and death to pre-arranged locations
  20. Self-Aware Tesla - all the powers of a Tesla, talks with Elons voice
  21. Oppengram App - app-accessible engram of Robert Oppenheimer, wrecks your data plan and eats memory, needs constant re-installation, still the worlds most intelligent man
  22. Bumfights Battle Royale Last Man - indefatigable, possibly unbeatable, severely traumatised, can't get in anywhere
  23. Nolanverse Geocacher - deep future and/or deep past time-traveller, simultaneously aware of your adventure, leaves messages, assistance to be discovered at precise times, you never meet them directly
  24. iPhone Telepath - can psychically read and manipulate the Apple Family of phones and some other apple products
  25. The UnCancellable Man - he can say anything, he can DO anything, otherwise has all the powers of a man
  26. Security-Camera Mentat - near preternatural awareness of watching (even hidden) cameras, along with incredible intuitions on whether they are recording and if so, where and how the data is located
  27. Neurochipped Marketing Dog - strong and fast hound with power of sentient thought expressible only when the correct match of product and audience can be connected
  28. 2-D 4-Chan Nekogirl - Animated dream image w big boobs, power shifts as channers wax and wane in interest, fascist tendencies, calls everyone a faggot, only exists in 2 dimensions
  29. Autocomplete Yogic Warrior - powers of bodily control, spiritual perception and ritual magic awakened by imponderable autocomplete search queries, focused into usefulness as search-query nears completion but fading rapidly as search done
  30. emoji spiritualist - able to communicate with the dead, provided you have their phone number, they can only send emojis, though dead sorcerers can send memes


  1. Really funny. The takeaway, is that our baseline reality tunnel, is now ample fodder for an RPG setting --- with minimal to zero alteration.

  2. This would go really well with Mission Driven and Destiny City:

    Klintron is awesome, would recommend.

  3. I feel like I've met these people. "People".

  4. This had me laughing out loud the entire way

  5. OK, I rolled up the group

    Orson, Security camera mentat (26). He can see through cameras, and take some of the footage with him and put it on a drive, but it's kind of dodgy fidelity. He can also put a security camera on the fritz the same in reverse. He doesn't like doing it anymore, because there's a Slimmerman type creepylasagna working his way into every frame. The Silverman - who is basically the Silver Surfer in full herald mode and galactus is an Insider Outsider, devouring the world out from the from some generational seed at the center. Orson wears black t-shirts with gory metal band logos. Favorite band: deCOLLATOR

    More or less the Decker. His version of cyberspace is really analog and grainy. And plus, he doesn't like to do it anymore. But desperate times call for . . .

    Charli, Medieval Combat Influencer (5). Do you remember the sword guy from the internet past who would cut through waterbottles and oranges and stuff? That's her.

    Street samurai, but only in the dumbest possible way.

    Prima Jemeema (PJ), Top .3% Only Fans (12). Aging pop culture figure from 15 years ago: the P, B, and J, you ever heard of them? The Peanut Butter one (Skippy), the Bready One (Eggy), and PJ (JJ in those days), the Jelly one (more like a strawberry syrup tho). The whole iggy pop roll around in broken glass thing. Skippy obviously made it big solo and went sophisto evening gown lounge singing, leaving her friends back with the scraps.

    Chadwick, Meme-Powered Cryptocrat (7). A little bit of the guy selling dubbed cassette tapes out of his backpack to this one. Except they're NFTs or whatever, little video spirits. I2I. Are they alive. Mostly marsupials, or imaginary marsupials with rainbows, going for that Nyancat vibe. Any one of them could go big, infect the world. They won't, but they could. The big security robot that's come to arrest Chadwick for stealing them from wherever he stole them from, he goes in careful. He knows. Have a free Incorruptable Indicia. One of a kind. Securitybot's eyes would bug out if he had them. "No! No thankyou! No! Bzzzzzzzzz.z.z.z....."

    Kind of like a Pokemon Trainer, Kind of like a Street Shaman.

  6. I take it that any team so assembled will be hunting and fighting vampire marketing spam and the bloodsucking reality behind it.

  7. A really nice blog where we can found useful information. Thanks you.

    Thus, when he have his earth-home, best coffin-home company in the hell-home for the cut-off head that giveth rest. We have seen it with our eyes still at other time he can only change when the time come.