Ir as a whole
Actually those are quite hard to see on a blog so here are some cut-down versions.
Here in the east of the eastern continent is the
beating political heart machivellian fuckstorm of Ir.
"The smiling green fields of Ilmora are the world’s breadbasket, and its merry flower farms provide color and fragrance, food for the spirit even in far bleak Highvern. The lucky citizens of Ilmora are led by the Merchant Princes, those three at any given time who have won for themselves the greatest riches in the land through their own ingenuity and toil. They are advised by the ageless Father-Mother, pontiff of the nation’s fertility cult. The foundation of their wise diplomacy is the expansion of mutually beneficial trade on terms of friendly peace to the whole world. They wish only to provide you the bountiful objects of your obscure longings on generous terms!
The Verdant Fleet is their navy. It serves only to maintain just defense of their merchant vessels, holding open all routes on the sea, which can belong to no nation or people, but must remain free for the visitors and guests traveling to far flung lands."
The Slug Isle;
"The Wormcourt of the Slug Isle hereby announces the coronation of Crown Ysbryda Holyworm following the voluntary abdication and tragic death of King Cerate Holyworm IV. Crown Ysbryda celebrates their ascension to the throne with an immediate and permanent end to the "Slugfood Doctrine" of summarily liquefying and repatriating all ambassadors, couriers, traders, wayward fishers, and various other kinds of foreigners, as well as indefinitely suspending the freebooter-enforced taxes on all ships in historical Slug Isle waters. Furthermore, Crown Ysbryda is pleased to announce that all couriers and diplomatic representatives are once again welcome in the halls of the Wormcourt."
"Sleek metal longships have been seen off the coasts Ulukaa and the Gronnate. The sailors, if one can call them that, for their ships have no identifiable rigging, appear to be large, black serpentine creatures with four spindly arms. Their heads are eyeless and triangular, with a wide mouth filled with several rows of small, shark-like teeth. Despite their alarming appearance, they are polite and friendly, inviting the captains of other ships to, “Pop over for a bite, dumpling. We simply have to have you for dinner.” For some reason, no one has taken them up on this yet. "
These creatures call themselves the Kanibalo, which the small-minded have bastardized as the offensive “Cannibal.”
The Great Glorious Gronnate;
"ANNOUNCING A MISSIVE FROM GRON MAXIMAL OF GREAT AND GLORIOUS GRONNATE:
[the following bellowed through a still-bleeding goat's head]
THE GRON MAXIMAL GREETS YOU WITH A HARDY CLAP AND A SMELLY KISS! THOUGH YOU ARE FEEBLE AND FAR AWAY, YOU ARE IN HIS PRESENCE, SO DO NOT BE NAUGHTY
YOU ARE BAFFLED?? ARE THE PEOPLE OF THE GRONNATE A SCREAMING GOATS HEAD??? NO, YOU FOOL, WE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SHOUTING INTO IT AND THROUGH IT IN A CLEVER TRICK!
YOU ARE FRIGHTENED BY OUR BELLOWING. THIS IS NATURAL! TO ASSUAGE YOUR FRIGHT THE REST OF THIS MISSIVE SHALL BE DELIVERED BY AN ELOQUENT AND MANNERED (BUT STILL INTIMIDATING) SCHOLAR OF GRON
[an oddly-shaped man emerges from behind the head]
Hello and Thank You, I am scholar of Gron. Please contain your intimidation, it is not needed, thank you. Since time immemorial Gronnate has been greatest and best most powerful country, and in this missive I will tell you about it.
Okay I will tell you about Gronnate now: we are ruled by almighty Gron Maximal, whom you have met, via Goat's head. Gron Maximal is great and powerful, very good man, he protects us with his great army and awesome legs. Wow.
I am a Gronnite, but look out for my logic: all Gronnites are not me!! Thank you, we are in many colours not sometimes the same as yours. There are "White" Gronnite, "Seafoam" Gronnite, "Azure" Gronnite, and "Violet" Gronnite, in all kinds of gradation, aspect, and terror.
Gronnate is great military power, but we are also very philosophy, also Fine Art. In this new Age of openness and inquiring, we are send this scholar (that's me) to learn widely and teach widelier (about Gronnate) for enriching the cultural and brain potency in all our lands, and certainly not starting wars!!
In conclusion, We thank you for your time and consideration and hope you will be amenable to enriching non-military exchanges.
[screaming again] GRON MAXIMAL (via Scholar)"
"Ulukaa is a tangle of jungles and swamp. Its people are hairless, haughty, and prone to thinking they’re being insulted. Their tattoos tell their life stories and they never travel without an entourage – at least a pet lizard-man and a masked confessor priest.
The Pontiff Queen, “All Eyes,” never leaves the capital in the deepest swamp. Any Ulukans you meet are called Ambassador, their priest is called Priest, their lizard-man is called using a trill in the language of lizard-men. They offer foods, medicines, drugs and perfumes, and are fascinated by machines and clockworks."
The Unknown Dutchy never entered the political life of Ir, here the magical veil of the Optimate never quite fell and so it remained isolated from all other lands.
The Chronicle of Ir
Being a list of those events of a large scale, noticeable to all, which took place upon the known continents and seas of Ir, date by date, from the first month of the Fall of the Optimate, Oct 2019.
For the records from Oct 2019 to the middle of Dec -
Descriptions of the magical battle are meagre, but rumours say the Father-Mother was driven to consume the Eternally Pregnant Pomegranate, a rare relic, and by sacrificing this power, cast upon the Rough Gut boys, magics so horrific that even their Steel Hearts were unable to bear them.
The God Jan – Year 2020
The Gods Feb & Mar - 2020 (Unedited)
It was during the month of Feb in the year 2020 that I, the Herald of Ir, was myself captured by unknown forces.
As such, they were able to alter and amend my Chronicle to their own nefarious desires.
What follows no is the original, unaltered Chronicle for those months.
The Gods Feb and Mar – Year 2020 - EDITED
And here are the disturbing alterations which my captors were able to make to my Chronicle for those months. (I was able to introduce a very subtle secret code into these communication without their knowledge, see if you can spot it.)
Feb 13th – They are still fighting!
Mid-Feb – Things cool down in Illmora
The GRONFERENCE concludes with the formation of a four-way mutual defense pact and a resolution to stop the impending destruction of all of Ir.
The Last Chronicle (gronicle?)