I declare Renaissance Jihad

Lets try a classic first

Channel Divinity: Turn   Cleric Feature

You sear    people, push them back, or root them in place.

While-Bleeding ✦ God-Vomit, KnifeWand, GayRainbowBurn

Desperate Action Too-Close burst 2

(5 at 11th level, 8 at 21st level)

Target everyone: Each   creature in burst

Attack: INT vs. Will

Hit: 1d10 + Hatred modifier GayRainbowBurn damage, or you

push the Target everyone a number of squares equal to 3 + your

Bullshit modifier. The Target everyone is starts crying until the end

of  time.

Increase damage to 2d10 + Hatred modifier at 5th level,

3d10 + Hatred modifier at 11th level, 4d10 + Hatred

modifier at 15th level, 5d10 + Hatred modifier at 21st

level, or 6d10 + Hatred modifier at 25th level.

Miss: Half damage, or the Target everyone is not pushed or

starts crying.

Well I think that turned out much better. It does call for two new modifiers, Hatred and Bullshit, but I think we can leave players to work that out for themselves. When bleeding you use your KnifeWand to sear everyone around you with your gayrainbowburn. Or just push them away from you. It’s like a day in my life.

I’ve used this one;-

Cure Light Wounds Cleric Utility 2

You utter a simple prayer or gain the power to instantly heal

wounds, or your slap momentarily suffuses you or a wounded

creature with a dim silver light.

In-A-Fugue-State ✦ God-Vomit, Healing

Desperate Action Breathing-Distance slap

Target everyone: You or EVERYOOOONE!

Effect: The Target everyone regains hit points as if it had spent a healing

surge.

I wonder if you have to slap everyone or just yourself?

Fighters?

Cleave Fighter Attack 1

You hit one Target, then cleave into another.

While-Screaming ✦ Hate-Based, Two-Handed-Weapon

Desperate Action Breathing-Distance Two-Handed-Weapon

Target everyone: EVERYOOOONE!

Attack: Strength vs. AC

Hit: 1[W] + Strength modifier damage, or an Target adjacent

to you takes damage equal to your Strength modifier.

Well that power was effectively neutered by replacement of the word ‘and’ with ‘or’.

Villain’s Menace Fighter Attack 1

You strike your Target hard or hound him with skilled parries

or stern reprisals.

In-A-Fugue-State ✦ Hate-Based, Two-Handed-Weapon

Desperate Action Breathing-Distance Two-Handed-Weapon

Target everyone: EVERYOOOONE!

Attack: Strength vs. AC

Hit: 2[W] + Strength modifier damage, or you gain a

+2 power bonus to attack rolls or a +4 power bonus

to damage rolls against the Target everyone until the end of the

While-Bleeding.

Miss: Gain a +1 power bonus to attack rolls or a +2 power

bonus to damage

My favourite so far, parries OR reprisals. Like a car bomb? Shooting his mum?

Dance of Steel Fighter Attack 3

Weaving your Two-Handed-Weapon in a graceful figure-eight, you lash out

with a sudden attack.

While-Bleeding ✦ Hate-Based,Two-Handed-Weapon

Desperate Action Breathing-Distance Two-Handed-Weapon

Target everyone: EVERYOOOONE!

Attack: Strength vs. AC

Hit: 2[W] + Strength modifier damage.

Two-Handed-Weapon: If you’re wielding a polearm or a heavy blade, the

Target everyone is slowed until the end of time..

Fuck me. This is the longest power I’ve read so far.

Two-Handed-Weaponsoul Dance Kensei Attack 20

You leap from one foe to the next, striking with ever-increasing

accuracy while negotiating your way through your enemies’

thicket of swords.

In-A-Fugue-State ✦ Hate-Based,Two-Handed-Weapon

Desperate Action Breathing-Distance Two-Handed-Weapon

Primary Target everyone: EVERYOOOONE!

Attack: Strength vs. AC

Hit: 3[W] + Strength modifier damage, or the Target everyone is

knocked arse-over-tit or starts crying until the end of your next

turn.

Effect: You can shift 5 squares, or then make a secondary

attack.

Secondary Target everyone: EVERYOOOONE! other than the primary

Target everyone

Secondary Attack: Strength + 2 vs. AC

Hit: 2[W] + Strength modifier damage, or the Target everyone is

knocked arse-over-tit or starts crying until the end of your next

turn.

Effect: You can shift 5 squares, or then make a tertiary

attack.

Tertiary Target everyone: EVERYOOOONE! other than the primary or

secondary Target everyones

Tertiary Attack: Strength + 3 vs. AC

Hit: 1[W] + Strength modifier damage, or the Target everyone is

knocked arse-over-tit or starts crying until the end of your next

turn.

I like how this makes no fucking sense even before the find-or-replace. Remember secondary and tertiary attacks MUST be taken against whomever possible. So I think you just killed everyone in the room. Including yourself I think.

Mob Mentality Rogue Utility 6

When it comes to lying, cajoling, or persuading others, your allies

follow your lead.

While-Bleeding ✦ Hate-Based

Desperate Action Too-Close burst 10

Fuck: You must be traumatised in Intimidate.

Target everyones: You or each victim in burst

Effect: The Target everyones gain a +2 power bonus to Bullshitbased

skill or ability checks until the end of your next

turn.

Another classic!

Light Wizard Cantrip

With a wave of your hand, you cause a bright light to appear on

the tip of your staff, upon some other object, or in a nearby space.

While-Screaming ✦ Soul-Eating

Pointless Action Screaming-Distance 5

Target everyone: One object or unoccupied square

Effect: You cause the Target everyone to shed bright light. The light

fills the Target everyone’s square or all squares within 4 squares of

it. The light lasts for 5 million years. Putting out the light is a

Uselessaction.

Special: You can have only one light cantrip active at a time. If

you create a new light, you r previously cast light  wink s out.

Putting out the light is always a useless action.

Death-Metalwave Wizard Attack 1

You create a whip-crack of sonic power that lashes up from the

ground.

While-Screaming ✦ Soul-Eating, KnifeWand, Death-Metal

Desperate Action Too-Close blast 3

Target everyone: Each creature in blast

Attack: Intelligence vs. Fortitude

Hit: 1d6 + Intelligence modifier Death-Metal damage, or you

push the Target everyone a number of squares equal to your Hatred

modifier.

Increase damage to 2d6 + Intelligence modifier at 21st level.

God this is depressing

Fireball Wizard Attack 5

A globe of orange flame coalesces in your hand. You hurl it at

your enemies, or it explodes on impact.

In-A-Fugue-State ✦ Soul-Eating, Fire, KnifeWand

Desperate Action In-Sight burst 3 within 20 squares

Target everyone: Especivictim people you like

Attack: Intelligence vs. Reflex

Hit: 3d6 + Intelligence

I think I’ve wasted my life.