Tuesday, 24 November 2020


 Ok gang, lets get Goblining! (again)


Goblins in Gas-Masks and long black coats. They knock you out, steal your things and draw on your face.

Are we talking here goblins which use gas or Goblins which ARE gas?

We are talking both. But the Goblin Gas the Gas Goblins use is actually made from Goblins. That’s why its so scheming and mischievous.

How do they do it? CYCLOTRONS. And cold fusion power.

Some would say that developing the ability to produce cold-fusion energy might make the gas goblins lords of the world but the only thing they ever use it for, the only thing it seems they can even conceive using it for, is to put Goblins in cyclotrons and transform them to a plasmic gas.

They have gas tanks and big hoovers they cart the gas goblins (the goblins turned into gas, the gaseous gas goblins) around in, and they train in specific skills and qualities as, when a goblin is transformed into gas, the gas itself retains the qualities of that goblin; sleepy goblins make sleepy gas, thieving goblins make stealing gas, which steals in the form of a hooded goblin ghost, clumsy goblins make tripping gas while greasy goblins make slipping gas, smelly goblins make stink gas, cunning goblins make brain gas, stealthy goblins make a sneaking gas, angry goblins make explosive gas grenades, ugly goblins make a binding gas etc. When they use a gas (gaseous) goblin they try to hoover them back up but can't always get them, or get all of them.

Obviously they fly around in balloons and little zeppelins which they disguise by painting a night sky on their bottoms, or by disguising them as the moon, (difficulties when more than one Gas-Goblin Captain tries to do this, also it enrages Moon Goblins, see below). The balloons and zeppelins are powered by big propellers driven by goblins pedalling on cranks, the crank goblins are jazzed up on a gas made from very athletic goblins, or simply frantic goblins, so they pedal faster. Maybe they could have just put the athletic goblins in the cranks in the first place but best not to question it really. Also they need grease to keep the cranks stealthy - GOOSE GREASE! That's right! That’s what they intend to do with your goose, either that or produce Goose Gas, whatever that is.

They abseil, bungee jump and parachute down onto the roofs of houses and connect their gas pipes to the chimneys, and probably the taps and toilet, and release their gasses into the house, and probably gas the geese individually.

Their greatest enemy is wind, so they only attack on still nights.


These Goblins literally grow, like corn or peas in a pod. Not clear if this is an actual goblin or some kind of plant imbued with goblinish sentience or something else.

They grow out in the fields like a weed, but they take on the qualities and appearance of whatever plant they grow near, both as a matter of camouflage and also just for the hell of it. Unlike most goblins they grow more active in daylight and summer, the light gets them really amped up, probably.

They are literally colonies of small dry goblins that can work as a swarm, like insect-sized goblins, moving about like sandman. Swarm goblins??? Yeah I guess that’s right, they can curl up as small as Peas, and live inside plants that look like pea-pods or corn stems, adapting themselves to whatever grain or legume is local to them, and then once they have grown enough, they all uncurl and pop out. And all together they may only be enough to power one to three goblin-sized bodies but they are a nightmare to stop as, being a granular hive organism, they can get in almost anywhere, send bits of themselves to spy on you, hide in your pockets... You  need a near air-tight seal to stop them.

These are seasonal though, becoming active in summer, but drying out and dying off in summer. Evil doers might deliberately garden fields of Grain Goblins, perhaps aiming at a summery world domination.


The Autumnal replacement for Grain Goblins. Unlike them, not a hive organism but a large tuberous goblin which grows like a pumpkin or watermelon with most of its body beneath the earth and its head disguised as a local gourd or tuber. Once awoken, or awakening in autumn, they writhe up out of the soil and set themselves to mischief.


Very slender tallish goblins, sometimes no wider than a fingerwidth and with a pointed head.

Green in colour, and wearing only green clothes, they are disguised by moving in groups and, when observed, staying utterly still so that at any reasonable distance, one would mistake them for a patch of tall grass, or reeds perhaps. Being quite flexible they can also climb in through narrow spaces, though they find this demeaning, being imperious, posh and superior goblins who actually mislike the use of their only real advantage, that of looking like grass.

Though they are also quite sharp, grabbing one hastily is difficult, you could get quite a cut, OW! They can also weave themselves together into large structures like chairs or tables and try to infiltrate that way. In winter and autumn they may change their clothes for wood bark armour, like tall thin knights and act as twig goblins, or stick goblins. Sometimes, suicidally brave, sneaking in as firewood or by pretending to be a walking stick.

Small black eyes. Refer to each other as 'magister' and 'my enlightened brethren'. Live together in old tree trunks which, as they are very thin, make a reasonable space for them.


These goblins are the slaves of a race of brutal, large, intelligent moles, supremely evil creatures who live beneath they earth and never come out. They force the Mole Goblins to dig for them, burrowing their tunnels and digging into bank vaults and pantries to steal for them.

The moles are well-designed for digging and the Goblins are not, but it boots them but little to dissent. The digging gives the mole goblins bad backs and the time underground makes them pale and black-eyed. They are terrified creatures, desperately afraid of disappointing their mole masters and are convinced that the moles can observe them everywhere they go... There is no escape!

Often covered with ground dirt, wearing ragged overalls and dungarees, sneaking about in darkness, capable of moving very large weights. They do brush up after themselves when they rob somewhere, which seem nice but is really more a matter of avoiding leaving clues.

The Mole Goblins are so ruined in spirit that they think they actually need the moles and are even afraid of life without them. They don't have names, just numbers and insults, like 'Stupid Ninety-Two' or 'Clumsy One'. The moles are too lazy and cowardly to do much with many of the treasures they gain from the Goblins generally just selling them on to more powerful creatures. (Like your Goose WHERE IS IT???)


I guess they have big round bald heads swollen with cheese gas and yellow eyes like round moons, and they don't really blink they just form crescent eyes.

they are very soft and silent and still, and quite sorrowful with long pale fingers with soft wide pads and wide splayed feet with toes a little like a frogs. (no-one wears shoes on the moon, it would damage the cheese). sharp splinters and rocks can be a challenge for them, their feet are very SOFT, if they stand on something sharp, like a lego, they don't cry out, being very silent creatures but they form such a sad pained face with their wide mouths and cry quicksilver tears which roll about, obviously they will always take any cheese you have, whatever else they have come for.

The moon Goblins believe they are at war with our world due to the fireworks, which, from there point of view, are fired at the moon on many occasions. When seen from the moon the bright multicoloured explosions fill the sky and the noise is very terrible, especially in such a quiet place as the moon. All for no reason they can make out, just pure unreasoning belligerence, hatred of the moon they say so they have no compunctions about stealing from our world.

I mean them being cheese thieves makes sense, in their lairs on the moon everything is built of cheese but there are no cows (since the terrible nuclear disaster when a cow tried to jump over the moon, millions of lives were lost) so they have to sneak down here to get it.

They can arrive by giant gun shell, by silver mirror, silver ladder, by dream, by the reflection of the moon in still water and by moth, the most common method. They will ride moths down from the moon and they will always come when the moon is at its thinnest crescent, as then is when they really need cheese. The moon being thin they need to build it back up again.

They operate by night mainly.

A local villain may have a treaty with the moon goblins. They are moon mercenaries, paid in cheese. They care little for the riches of the surface world, thinking it too bright and quite ugly compared to the great cheese palaces of the moon where everything is silver, gleaming yellow, soft and silent.


  1. Goose gas sounds like a terrifying, world-ending weapon.

    1. Or a wonderful world-changing weapon, if you are a Gas Goblin

  2. I really enjoy the grass goblins. I can't pinpoint why but it's really amusing to me.

  3. You’re really delivering on the promise of goblins in the name of your game and I appreciate it, these are excellent

    1. Think I've done 11 or 12 in total, can't tell if that is too many goblins or not enough.

  4. Finished reading The Princess and the Goblin a week or so ago; that's probably a good match for the Mole-Goblins.

    1. Now I think on it, should Moon Goblins be able to alter their size in select phases? (Having different phases as distinct castes or age brackets may be too on the nose.)

    2. Hmm I don't know. Possibly they might get thinner or fatter depending on the moon. Or maybe there are very thin stoopped curved moon goblins and exceedingly round rolling moon goblins but none in-between.

    3. Tense, springy, twitchy crescent goblins and round, robust, placid gibbous goblins?

    4. Neurotic postmodern slender french Gobins tapping the fingers of their long nails and sipping from slender glasses and bilious buff round british goblins gulping from pint pots

    5. In my head they animate like felix the cat or cuphead while the world is Ghibli

  5. Do the moon goblins and moon wizards have any connection? Cheese mercenaries is perhaps the best thing I've read in months.

    1. I feel like its a natural win. Seems impossible that they wouldn't have some kind of relationship.