Saturday, 7 March 2020



(This is just the Update from the KS so if you are on there, get ready to read the whole thing again.)

Where were you all when I was Kickstarting renaissance chivalric poetry you damn cowards???

Ok we certainly have enough to print the book, pay D Shugars for a decent PDF and hopefully storage as well.

Now we need to find ways to crash the project through insane, poorly-thought-through stretch goals which seem simple but end up being insane nightmares which annihilate all hope.

And for that, we need YOU, our backers, our commmmunittteee.

Our original ideas were;

Embossing or foil - embossing doesn't work without having a tight, distinct image on the cover, which this definitely does not. I suspect foil would also be complex for the same reasons.

Thicker paper - I like this but my main worry is the thickness of the book itself, If we can keep the book and packaging below 2.5 cm thick, that makes us a 'large letter' to the Royal Mail, meaning we go into a lower postage bracket, which is something I would really like to keep considering the international audience for the book.

Bigger print run - we are going to 2000 - the worry there is storage - affordable, *dry* storage is basically a room, which if I stack the books up can hopefully fit them all, but I have no clear image in my head of how much mass, or how many pallets 2000 books will be & not knowing this keeps the storage issue "hovering" which I don't like.

Stickers -eehhhhh

Bookmark - maybe, if we can do something interesting with it.

Dustcover - Scrap persuaded me out of this originally since they hate them and since then I have started to like the relative cleanness of the book without one but maybe..

Here's my terrible idea - A POINTLESS CARD

Like a card with the False Machine Trilobite logo and a word balloon coming out saying "You have a unique and valid sense of identity number ##" and they would all be individually numbered.

And on the back would be some bullshit, I don't know. Like "Respected Community Member; Community, identity, Stability."

And we could do them on insanely expensive paper, like one of the cards from American Psycho.
And it could technically get you a discount on future False Machine products - if you buy them in person, which will never actually happen since I am not leaving this flat again.

Its kind of an anti-marketing "joke" on people doing Kickstarters primarily from FOMO or to have a valid online persona rather than for the actual thing, and also a 'loyalty card' that will never do anything useful. I suppose if you ever met me in person you could whip it out and force me to admit that you are a Valid Individual.

Anyway, we are open to your TERRIBLE SUGGESTIONS! This momentary success can't be allowed to stand in the way of Scrap and I's long history of self-destruction and systemic failure! Together, with YOUR help, we can find a way to crash this thing!



  1. How about a few optional scenario twists? Something to make people purchase the same thing again, something to make them PLAY the same thing again. As it stands, I'll probably back it, but only to support the creators. It'll sit on my shelf, aeons passing, waiting for the stars to align in the form of a brand new gaming group, entirely unhip to the horrors of that beautiful bacterial mat.

    So for example:

    - radical setting reskin suggestions.
    - alternate/extra crises to deal with at the start of the adventure.
    - extra npcs with which to compete or work with.
    - alternate mega threats to the boneless giant.

    Whatever weird, pointless gubbins stretch goals might normally provide, extra writing is always welcome. It's not the kind of thing one should have too much trouble trouble accomplishing. Just a few ways to remix the scenario.

    That's my sixpence, it's something which concerns me; that is, I'm not writing for the sake of it. I hope you consider it worth reflecting upon.

  2. I mean, I just put my money where my mouth is. Write a goddamn blog post at least. Here's to a better tomorrow!

  3. One vote for pointless card, please.

  4. Just the book as promised is fine for me. No need to make fulfilling the project more complicated & difficult.

    Just keep the extra money. Your stuff is good and you earned it.

  5. At 2.5 cm thick and stacked fifty books high, 4 deep and 10 long, 2000 of them would be about the size of a twin bed or a small couch.

  6. feet pics? lol jk... 😏 unless... 😏😏😏

    also card sounds fun, stickers I am actually a fan of...

    maybe official 3D files for miniatures so fans with access to a 3D printer can print their own fancy official minis? idk, it's an idea. It'd be funky if you could find an artist that could translate Scrap's work to 3D, honestly.

    maybe you could also include one of those "third eye" things you stare at and a mystery image appears, those are cool, if you had one of those in the book that'd make it hella cool.

    how hard is it to print your own temporary tattoos? if you printed the trilobite logo onto a temporary tattoo I'd totally use it.

    maybe if you have a particular surplus of money, you could commission an official soundtrack to the module? like from some harsh noise artist or something, or whatever YOU envision the official soundtrack being like, I'm curious. (because I'd probably just use harsh noise lmao) with like separate tracks for the different areas and shit, it could be wild.

    also feet pics please your fanbase is THIRSTY ok

    1. I am arguably a harsh noise artist and could do real trilobite tattoos on anyone who comes to New Zealand

    2. Can't make it to New Zealand anytime soon... as much as I would ADORE official Scrap Princess ink it is too far for me to go :(

      Also I didn't know you were a noise artist! where can I hear your work??? (this just completely confirms the fact that there needs to be an official soundtrack made lmao)

    3. "real trilobite tattoos on anyone who comes to New Zealand"
      God I wish I could squeeze that into my NZ trip in may...

  7. Official False Machine headed stationery is probably the level up from IDENTITY COMMUNITY STABILITY Cards.

    Perhaps some pointless in-universe ephemera? Fliers, pamphlets, beer mats, post cards...

    1. Or of course some arbitrary branded product used by very few people. Sugar tongs or collar studs.