Friday, 11 December 2020

Amber Golem (& Galaxy-Brained Update)

 First, if you haven't read the Ghost Post, take a look, you might like it, or even this one by Semiurge.

Now on to the Amber Golem

And no, I could not do any better than this concept by Warren D

Amber Golem

Magisterial and ancient artefacts. Sometimes found in museums or the dusty collections of dusty book-lads. Maybe uncovered after a flood when a riverbank erodes, the gleam of amber poking from the soggy shale, turned up in a field beneath a questing plough, dragged out of a mine, found, half-buried on a beach after a mighty storm, as if spewed from the bowels of the sea.

Great Amber statues! Primal animal shapes. Almost cubist, brutto and contained, like chess pieces. Treasure, surely. This much Amber being incredibly valuable.


The voice.

A thin, wheedling, whining piercing voice, coming from somewhere deep within. A tiny, ancient-accented sound, counterpointed by this huge, beautiful, gleaming thing.
The statue Moves!

"If they are Pre-Historic why do they have animal shapes?"
Shut up.


Prehistoric evil mosquito sorcerers who froze themselves in huge palaces of amber and had their thralls carve them into forms of majesty and bury them, till they could rise and take over the world!
But now, as they half-awaken, they found 


The Undead Sorcerer Lords are only half-awake, they dream of Mosquito paradise, where they reign as LIVING GODS, but they drift in slumber, only part-aware of the nightmare reality into which they have been thrust, for in this Nightmare Reality giant animals have become intelligent,  insects had sunk into barbarism and the world is ruled by the descendants of the brutish dinosaurs.

Even in dreams the Mosquito Lich-Lords recognise the Goose as True Ruler of the Gooseworld. Long ago the Dinosaurs, brute and unthinking beasts, bestrode the world, and the Goose is obviously the natural descendant of those might beings. Smaller, (not that the difference in scale matters much to a mosquito), but more savage, worshipped and protected by all, surrounded by lesser beings who sacrifice their own welfare and resources for the comfort of the Goose.

If this world is ever to be ruled by Mosquito-kind again, the Geese must fall! So the half-waking war of the undead bugs is not with mankind, but with the Geese themselves!!!

The Mosquitos do not realise that by the fact that the Geese are pretty dumb really and don't know what's going on, so its like a battle between someone half-asleep who keeps randomly sparking static electricity, and a violent idiot. Here at False Machine towers we call that Pinteresque.


Smashing Stuff - they can pretty much stumble through anything.

Uncomfortable Static Shocks - Being Amber, they can build up quite a lot of static electricity while wandering around, which can discharge in a field of crackling lightning 

Sleepy Sorcery - all the powers of a Master of Undeath, but focused mainly on the insect scale. Can raise terrible hordes of skeletons (insect skeletons), create vampire insects and ghost insects and can kill insects with but a single word or gesture. They do often forget what they are doing half way though or get confused, but that leads us onto weaknesses really.


Stumbling around falling asleep, getting lost, pausing, losing their track of thought. Asking whats going on. Asking why everyone is so big. Going on long tangents about pre-history. Long stories about the time they met a Bee that have no point (the story not the Bee, the Bee had a point), why is it so cold, what happened to all the oxygen etc etc.


Depending on how awake they are, or how much dementia they don't have. The Amber Golem could be a random heavy who abducts the Goose to rant at it about ruling the world.

They could be tricked or manipulated by other creatures, send off to smash and rampage as a distraction or a living weapon.

Or if they are unusually together, they may be a primary antagonist themselves, creating plots and schemes to foil the Geese (and by necessity doing harm to the Goose's support system (the PCs), employing other creatures as part of a Master Plan for world domination.

Special guest appearance by...

My Personal Genius!!!

yes, frustrated and maddened by the intransigence of my soma dealers, I have co-opted for an issue of economic justice!

Read on!!!

A Petition for the simultaneous release of the last Horus Heresy Book

"In the next few years Games Workshop will publish the final book in the long-running Horus Heresy Series. This will be book 62, almost certainly written by Dan Abnett and probably with loads of Perpetuals jammed in.

At the time of writing this we are on book 58.

For the recent releases of the final books GW has released fancy collectors edition hardbacks several months before the mass release of the paperback version. This has been mildly but persistently irritating to anyone who wants to know what happened as we all need to creep around avoiding spoilers for months.

This is a request for Games Workshop to release the fancy hardback Collectors Edition simultaneously with the paperback version so that everyone experiences the end of the Horus Heresy at the same time.

  • We deserve to experience the death of the Emperors dream for a better future as a group, not as dual streams of upper class and lower class fans. DESPAIR IS FOR ALL!
  • When we complain about whatever Dan Abnett ends up doing, we should be able to complain as a community.
  • You know you're going to sell out the Limited Edition on this one regardless. You don't need to be a bunch of snakes about everything GW!
  • Even people who get the Collectors Edition won't really be able to enjoy it fully since they will only be able to talk about it with each other, or end up spoiling it for others and be resented for it, or they will have to keep silent about it and will be resented for that. Only the darkest individuals will enjoy wielding his kind of power.
  • Come on Games Workshop YOU KNOW ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. If you just do a single act of near economic justice this ONE TIME, we promise you can have the rest of the decade off.
  • Extra points if you put Keeble on the Benzedrine and get the Audiobook out at the same time.

So far, responses have been... mixed..

But our numbers have doubled in only a few days!!

The only way is up! So click that link and lets make (future) history!!


  1. I note that "Ghost Post" and "or even this one by Semiurge" link to the same ghost post.

  2. Why do they look like animals? Because the great proto-wasp/ant sculptor colonies were driven by horrifying prophetic dreams of the world to come.

    1. Wow. Saw this after I posted. I think I like your take better.

  3. Clearly the sorceror bugs used their advanced precognitive magics to predict the most likely dominant future beings. As they perceived their far flung descendants being devoured by beaked horrors they made their new bodies match that form. Easy.

  4. I know this post, this is a Google+ post