Saturday, 23 June 2012


"We were talking about how we all got frozen by that priest and I didn't and how I saved us all, and David's girlfriend was there and he didn't like me talking about how I saved him."


'O.K you're driving a cart full of treasure through town, in the rain, in the early hours of the morning, what do you do?'

'Can I sing?'

'If you sing the song in full, in front of me now, then you can sing.'

'Can I get other people singing?'

'There is one drunk man following the cart. Roll a charisma test.'

The new popular song in the tiny medieval town of Scrodd on the lost Isle of the Unknown is now 'Call me Maybe' 

'You are being awarded the freedom of the town for clearing Ruffthroat Keep. Do you want to make a speech?'

'Can I sing 'Call me Maybe'?' 

'If you want to. Same rule as before.'


'Yellow the Unholy, the rain-cursed wizard is begging you to help him.'

'Didn't you say that as well as being cursed with eternal rain he also had to talk constantly about the moon?'

'I did say that. By the moon, help me.'

'Can I heal him with the power of Thor?'

'That is a spell way above your level.'

'I want to try it anyway.'

'You understand you will be rolling on the same table that ended up cursing the Wizard with the Moon and the Rain thing?'

'I want to try it anyway.'

'I will allow that as a one-time roll as it is non-combat and fucking hillarous.' (the eternal rain was also pissing me off)


'O.K your spell went wrong. Thor is punishing you with....'


'A gigantic animate brain and two giant eyes. Its a Six HD monster, you are a 1st level character, the giant brain has appeared in the castle stables. You are in the stables. It's between you and the door. What do you do?'

One surprising combat later....

'Since Yellow the Unholy is dead does that mean the rain has finally stopped?'


'So does that mean the weather predicting device I found under the keep that told me it would be sunny is actually correct?'

'Yes, yes it does.' 


'As you cross the bridge you look down and see a body caught against the pillars. What do you do?'

'I don't know, can I pull it out?'

'It's up to you, you can folow the river and wade through the mud on the bank, you might be able to snag it.'

'O.K, I pull him out.'

'Are you going to tell anyone? There is a church right behind you. You could take it there. Maybe someone saw you?' 

'They might think I killed him.'

'They might.'

'But someone might have alredy seen me.'

'They might have.'

'I could just push him back in the river.'

'You could. Maybe somewhere in Scrodd there is a family waiting for dad to come home, but he never will. Maybe somewhere there is a pet dog slowly starving to death behind a locked door, waiting for master.'

'I dont know what to do! What should I do?'

Every other player at the table - 'We're not there. Its YOUR character, YOU have to decide. It's a role-playing game'


  1. Am sorry I'm missing all of this because of work. And also I don't think it would be as fun if I was there, because I would probably be trying to talk them down from the lunacy.

  2. How did I miss all these teen dnd posts? I wouldn't know about them now if it weren't for David McGrogan.
    There's gold in here. Wow.