SquidBrawl at the Seraphormer

#1

“You seem confused Agent. Take a blow to the brain in the SquidBrawl maybe?

Hold still while I info-dump you, and concentrate because this will go FAST.

YOU are me, and we, all of us, are expressions of the Eldritch Founder, a meta-reality being who’s thoughts and opinions are literally split into different bodies and factions, all so we can run the Seraphormer.

What’s the Seraphormer?

Its this giant moon-sized stitched-together ultramachine we are in right now! And its FALLING APART!

WHY??? BECAUSE REALITY IS BROKEN and everyone is FIGHTING LIKE HELL!!!

As soon as reality fractured, a titanic SquidBrawl broke out between two factions of us! Look at this mess;

	The	are flailing at the..
1	Hyperintelligent ATMAN encoders	Iron-Chambered Quileth Stokers
2	Deep-Cover Incursion Specialists	Punk Sorcerer Co-Operative
3	LichJammer Ambassador Faction	Timeline Confabulators
4	Penumbral clerks of the Occlusion Engine	Rocket-Suit Space Repair Crew
5	Gene Coder Cubical Drones	Cyber-Tentacle Gang
6	Ectoplasm-Ejaculating Ghost Gang	Post-Singularity fluorescent techno-squid

It’s impossible to get anything done with this brawl going on! And the reality breakdown means I can only communicate with you like this, through a pattern of choices.

What do you want to do?”

Find the Perpetrator – Go to #2

Reassemble Reality!- Go to #3

Meditate – Go to #4

#2

Good idea, time to do some detective work! What’s first?

Track the source of the Reality Breach – Go to #12

Hit the Streets – Go to #7

#3

Its time to FIX REALITY ITSELF!

Nothing will stop you! (For long, probably).

Go to #12

#4

Yes of course, True Understanding was always within you, if you can only settle the waters of your mind and become one with the infinite Dao, the silent darkness beyond all things. Surely the answer lies there.

You undulate softly as your mind drifts down, down down through the subtle enumerations of being, through the illusion of Time, to a point where your answers are already clear within the great oneness…

Go to #19

#5

Somehow you get away, wounded, beaten and dizzy from the violence and from reality shattering all around you, suddenly you hear a voice!

Go to #1

#6

You should never have tried to access meta-reality. Somehow you have become trapped in a time loop!

Go to #16

#7

Ok you don’t actually have streets as this is an interdimensional megastructure, but you can certainly try to shut down this riot! But how?

Use that silver tongue. Go to #8

Fear is the only language they will understand! Go to #10

#8

Yes the fine art of Diplomacy, but which subtle tactic is best for you to take?

	medium	message
1	Table bashing demagoguery	Vague dithering beneficent promises.
2	Soft voiced sympathy	We’ll redistribute resources!
3	Schitzo-cryptic arcane word-labyrinth	Fix their minds on an outside enemy.
4	High toned speechifying	Threats (go to #9)
5	Break into song!	I feel your pain!
6	Crying fit and shaking meltdown	Deep philosophy. What is reality after all?

Did it work?

Yes!  - Go to #11

No?!?!?!

Ok, time to amp up the verbiage - Go to  #10

Or…

Screw that! And screw these nerds! Time for a BEATING. Go to #14

#9

Randomly scanning through eh? Very meta-textual.

Go to #6

#10

THREATS

	Manner	Settle down or…
1	Eye-bugging inner tension and spat words	Eject you into Unspace!
2	False-friendly fatherly manner	Turn you inside out and send you to Marginalia!
3	AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE	Memory wipe and a trip to Uud
4	Crack a few jokes before the threats, why not?	Cortex removal and turned into children’s balloons!
5	Ejaculate ink and scream ATMAN code	Time-loop the lot of you!
6	Hurl things at them between words	Set to dream-delving the darkest Sleeping Gods!

Did it work?

Yes! – Go to #11

If it it didn’t:

To calm things down, go to #8

To ACCELERATE them, go to #13

#11

Yes the place is finally clear and silent, the SquidBrawl is over. Peace reigns!

Oh dreaming gods, its horrible! Look at the bodies! The Carnage! Torn fragments of meta-flesh everywhere and squid-ink staining the walls! What did we do? What did I do?

Are we monsters?

Go to #18

#12

Damn, this place is Cephalopod CHAOS. Tentacles and Meta-Ink graffiti everywhere! Seems like your ultra-personality is having a total meltdown.

You need to find that reality breach, but you have no chance of doing it until you settle this SquidBrawl, but how?

Go BERSERK. Go to #13

Join a Faction and turn them against each other, just like Yojimbo. Go to #15

Get smooth as butter, use that charm. Go to #8

#13

RAAAAGGHHHH!! ITS RAGE O-CLOCK!!

NOW IS THE TIME FOR BLOOD.

Go to #14

#14

A HUGE FIGHT ENSUES!

	You try	They counter with..
1	Wall-bouncing Squid kung fu!	Bear-attack savagery. The teeth! Re-roll!
2	Hyperfocused dimensional mind blasts!	Memory-annihilation flail! (Go to #1)
3	Murder-Apsara Dance Style!	Chronometric labyrinth! (Go to #6)
4	Electrical Tentacle Coil Attack!	Dharma-Bomb! (Go to #15)
5	DUAL-WIELD URANIUM NUNCUCKS!	Illusory mind-palace Inception blow! (Go to #19)
6	JUST CHOKE THE ASSHOLE	Nothing! You defeat them! (Go to #11)

#15

Very cunning. Using the Art of War you aid both groups against each other, secretly leading them into a fruitless attritional conflict.

Of course now both of those groups are united by hated of you..

But whatever! It pretty much kind a worked! Go to #11

#16

Ah ha! Don’t worry, you are pretty sure you have found your way out of this mind-wiping time-loop thing. Just need to try this….

Go to #6

#17

It worked, you stuff this meta-biological stuff into the crack in reality like jamming newspaper into a broken pipe. Yes its probably a horrific botch of a job, but it works!

You wonder for a moment about how exactly this breach was created..

Oh well, this kind of thing is only to be expected in the Seraphormer. You’ll probably never know!

(12# o tog – sdrawkcab siht daer nac uoy sselnU)

On to #19!

#18

Wait, this stuff is itself a meta-material!

It’s a little bit radical, but maybe your could use this stuff to fix the reality breach

Go to #17

#19

The Reality Breach is Fixed!

All is well. You have stabilised the situation and brought balance to the Founders Mind. A deep sense of calm fills you. Congratulations Founder.

(Wait, do you know how you even did this?  – Go to #20)

#20

Of course, you repaired the reality breach with FLEX TAPE.

Wait, that’s completely insane and makes no sense. And this flex-tape actually looks like something disturbingly organic, like the strange textured skin of some being from beyond reality…

What did you do? Who’s skin is this? How was reality broken?

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

Go to #21

#21

It’s a PARA-REALITY INVADER!

Something from outside the Seraphormer has found its way in! That’s what caused the breach! What even is it?

	Looks like a	and its..
1	Grey crystal angel	Tearing at the reality gap!
2	Caustic shadow trilobite	Doing some kind of ritual!
3	Skeleton ultra-golem	Summoning more of its kind!
4	Post-singularity kill-AI	Meditating.
5	Pain-Armoured Demonform	Feasting on Founder flesh!
6	A radical crazed Founder!	Performing the Kali-Yuga dance!

Go to #22

#22

The Invader notices you!

“So, fragment, somehow you have walked the weave of consequence and choice and detected my presence here. It will not be enough. Do you think your petty mind and weak tentacles can defeat me? COME FORTH AND TRY!”

A Battle is on! Go to #14