ITS THE END OF WORLD WAR ONE - THE PREVIOUS FILM IN THE SERIES
Hitlers Theme plays, a wistful lament
a young man stands in shillouetts on a TRENCH RIM, staring into the distant sky, dreaming of adventure
Hitler - all I want is the secret of the jews
Goebbels - But Hitler, they keep the secret in a selection of boxes all over europe
and which they won't reveal
and the secret is always moving, you don't know what box its going to be in
so to get it, you would need to get every jew in Europe
but that's impossible, right?
Hitler - is it Goebbels, _or is it_?
CUT TO; POLAND
Halifax played by Domhall Gleeson
Poland played by Tom Hanks
Poland - don't worry, we can take Hitler
but you've got our back, right Britian, RIGHT??
Halifax - Oh we'll be _right behind you POland_
HE SMILES - ITS A SCAM!!
Halifax plots in PARLIAMENT
HALIFAX - It was always too late, but this way at least Britian will survive
BAM - A DOOR SLAMS OPEN
SOMEONE WE RECOGNISE - SOMEONE CALLED WINSTON CHURCHILL
played by IDRIS ELBA
CHURCHILL - game over Halifax
Churchill you fool! Its too late!
SMASH - CHURCHILL PUNCHES HALIFAX IN THE FACE
It's never too late Halifax, not with
churchill looks down at an AMERICAN FLAG - THE STARS AND STRIPES
churchill - the power of friendships
HITLER TEARS OPEN ANOTHER JEWISH BOX
Hitler - empty! LIke all the others! No!
Hitler smashes the box in a CRAZED FURY
Watching this are Goering and Goebels
Hitler - More! I need more Jewish boxes! The secret MUST be there! It must! Goering take your planes and level London!
Goebbels - Hitler we've kicked Europes Ass! You were right
Yes, my plan worked, but what about the _jewish mystery_?
Adolf, bro, we kinda rule the world
yeah sure the world, but what is it all worth? Unless I _understand_
Adolf there are bigger things in this world than your obsession with that JEWISH MYSTERY BOX
Hitler SLAMS Goebbels up against the wall
NO THERE ISN'T WERE INVADING RUSSIA
But Hitler, the Russians have always been our friends!
What's friendship to me... _Adolf Hitler_?
Hitler SNORTS METH
hold on the faces of the MAIN NAZIS, Hitlers Theme rises,
turns to a darker tinge...
camera moves across to the roofscapes of Berlin, perfect and untouched...for now...
and in the distance, the TIE FIGHTER MESSHERSMITS of GOEBBELS rise into the sky
SMASH CUT TO - CGI DOGFIGHT spitfires EXPLODO in the sky German Piolts SWOOP DOWN on LONDON - HELPLESS!
Gor blimy, there's too many of them
Our boys can handle it! Go get em lads
A SPITFIRE opens up with its PULSE LAZERS - in the rear R2D2 BLEEPS
Churchill - that's one down!
A MESSHERSMIT EXPLODOOS into scraps and fire
But another SWOOPS down on Churchills SPITFIRE
Churchill JINKS, the MESSHERSHMIT dives past
Churchill - damn, that was a close one! Gotta get out of this somehow! The skys full of them!
R2D2 BLEEPS a warning!
Whats that R2?
Churchill looks down
Churchill - No!
The MESSHERSHMIT, now ignoring CHURCHILL, is dive bombing Gladys who is PINNEd in the open
and she's holdin a small dog
Gladys - nooooo
She quails and tunrs away from the divebombing plane,
cut to the messhersmits cockpit - the pilot grins grimly beneath his cyberpunk visor
cut to the dog, simultaneous pull back and zoom (Jaws reference) as the plane dives down onto Gladys
cut to the Messhercmits cockpit, lazer-red recticules slooowly merge on the HEAT SENSOR body of Gladys
German pilot - heh heh heh, for you my friend, the war is over (Great Escape reference, classic movie)
The MESSHERSHMIT EXPLODES in the air
cHURCHILL - Not today Ratzi
But nine TIE FIGHTERS are closing in on CHURCHILLS tail!
Lazer bolts blast past his SPITFIRE
R2 bleeps a warning, A bolt grazes the innocent droid (we can maybe string this out a little for a classic "R2" moment)
Churchill - guess I left myself open on that dive. This might be my last flight R2.
A PURSUING TIEFIGHTER EXPLODES
Churchill - Whaaat?
CUT TO: ITs a B52 BOMBER on a STRAIGHT DIVE, BLASTING TIE fighters out of the sky! Whoever they are, the pilot must be one serious ADRENALINE GLORY HOUND
Churchill - Who's riding that thing?
CUT TO: the Cockpit of the B52 - its FRANKLIN DELANOR ROSEVELT ... and ELEANOR ROSEVLET (diversity)
ROOSVELT - You're all clear pal!
Chirchill - Franklin!
Roosevelt - Time to melt this popsicle stand!
tOGETHER churchill AND ROOSVELT blast nazi tie fighters out of the sky above LONDON
Below GLADYS waves - thats it boys! Go get em!
Even the DOG waves (close up, cute 'Indiana Jones' reference, but maybe we should have someone enter and say "Gladys, I thought you owned a Monkey? And Gladys be like - I did but he was kind of a HANDFULL, (glance to audience) you know its just a brief referencce for the FANS
CUT TO - A QUAINT ENGLISH PUB
Roosvelt - Churchill, I have bad news buddy, Hitler has cloned himself, and he's Emperor Hirohito
Chirchill - It was always his plan
Roosvelt - Winsotn, looks like we're in this war.... together
They grasp hands, a warriors clench
Chirchill - Just a war? Why not make it...
slight zoom on Churchills face, his eyes narrow but in a winsome rugged way
Chirchill - a World War
Roosevelt - heh, "World War TWO", I kinda like the sound of that
MEANWHILE - IN RUSSIA
Stalin - Kruschev, I like your style, but you are OUT OF CONTROL
Close up on GEORGY ZHUKOV, HERO of the SOVIET UNION
played by |Jason Momoa
Out of control? This whole WARS, out of control!
Zhukov HURLS his red star super medal towards STALIN
the serrated red spikes of the medal SNAP stalins pipe in two
Stalin - bwwaaaa!
(Stalin played by Jack Black)
Zhukov - I'm otta here! Sign me up for an infantrymans pay.
rolls up sleeves
Guess I'll have to handle this one...
Zhukov narrows his eyes...
Zhukov storms towards the door
Its the end of the scene right?
But NO - in a shock twist, he opens the door to find...
STALIN - this time played by LIAM NEESON
Zhukov - Stalin? what is this?
Liam Neeson Stalin - a test Zhukov , one that you just passed
Liam Neeson Stalin hits a SECRET BUTTON
Zhukov come with me
They are in a secret map room, full of arrows, hot secretatries and red bulbs, red for communism but also for emergencey
Liam Neeson - Zhukov , I'm going to OK your plan, but there's something I have to tell you
Theres one thing that matters more to me than anything else
This city - STALINGRAD
Stalins finger jabs at a map
Zhukov - Why, whats so important about STALINGRAD?
CLose up on STALIN
FLASHBACK - OLDEN RUSSIAN BEARD AND HAT TIMES, SEPIA TONES, A SPEILBERG FEEL
A YOUNG BOY AND OLDER MAN - HIS FATHER, RUN THROUGH A SNOWBOUND CITY
People hear them, but _turn away_
Please help us!
A door slams in their face
End of the line Stalinsky
Slow pan round, shadows rise, close in on the older mans face, a young boy shelters behind him
Ha ha ha
Camere WHIP - INTO- THE TSAR
Hes like Voldemort, but GIANT and made of CGI
The TSAR - Stalinsky you fool, did you think you could run
Run... maybe not.. but I can still fight!
The older man whips out a RED light sabre
The TSAR - HA HA HA - just how I imagined it Stalinsky
The CGI Tsar pulls out a dual-bladed WHITE lightsabre (Darth-Maul Callback)
Son... *run* and DON'T LOOK BACK
Young Stalinsky runs as his father and the Tsar meet in DEADLY AND AWESOME COMBAT
CLOSE UP ON YOUNG STALKNSKYS FACE - TEARS
star-wars wipe into Liam Neeson Stalin, the same eyes, no longer do they weep, but maybe Yung Stalinsky will always be running, internally, like an emotional thing
Stalin - You see Khruschev, that city is rather _precious_ to me
a grim smile but we, the audience understand his meaning
Zhukov - Stalin, I have to tell you.. tell you..
Stalin - Spit it out Zhukov
Zhukov - Stalin I never really thought you would agreee
Stalin - Oh no? Stalin raises an eyebrow, a slight smirk, seems like Stalin knows something we don't...
Zhukov - Stalin.. Hitler has INFINITE TANKS.. there's no way we can beat that!
Stalin - Oh no?
A LONG PAUSE, MAYBE EVEN THREE BEATS - IS STALIN REALLY STUMPED
WE REALLY HAVE TO LET THE AUDIENCE DOUBT HERE GUYS I KNOW ITS RADICAL BUT GO WITH ME ON THIS
Stalin - But what if we had.... INFINTE PLUS TANKS?
Stalin, more tanks than INFINITE TANKS? But, but.. its not possible.
A curtain raises, revealing...... INFINITE, EVEN MORE THAN INFINITE, T34 TANKS IN PERFECT ROWS
Zhukov - Stalin... but how?
Stalin - lets just say, I like to _think ahead_...
SMASH CUT TO - STALINGRAD
NAZI STORMTROOPERS AT-AT's AND DROIDS ADVANCE THROUGH THE INNOCENT STREETS
COMMUNIST EWOKS run for cover, but they are BLASTED by the advancing NAZIS
Goebbels - This is the LAST BATTLE, with STALINGRAD we end this WORLD WAR, right HIROHITO?
Its the EMPEROR HIROHITO, played by CHarles Dance
HIROHITO - Yes. For I am the TRUE ADOLF HITLER (shock twist!)
The other Hitler is merely a clone of me, created to draw the attention of the ALLIES while my plans proceed _unhindered_
And it worked too. With this final conquest I will have completed everything, no force on earth will be able to stop me!
Goebbels - But Real Hitlerhito, what about the Jewish Mystery Boxes?
Hitlerhito - What about them?
Goebbels - What is the secret? The jewish mystery?
Hitlerhito - Ha ha ha. You fool. THERE WAS NO MYSTERY. THE BOXES HAVE ALWAYS BEEN EMPTY!
Goebbels - But, but, but, what about HITLERS obsession?
Hitlerhito - Merely a device engineered by me to motivate my unwitting clone. An infinite bluff you might say, while I concentrate on my real goal, the Caucus Oilfields of Midway island, and with Stalingrad destroyed, my way will be open...
Goebbels - The poor fool!...
an soft bleeping noise
Goebbels - but wait...
Goiebbels turns to a SCANNER
Goebbels - ... impossible.. NO!
Hitlerhito - yes? (Hitlerhito seems calm, maybe _too_ calm. Does he know something we don't? Hmmm.)
Goebbels - Its Khruschev!
Hitlerhito - No matter. My INFINITE TANKS will deal with him.
Goebbels - But my lord... I know it seems impossible
Hitlerhito - Spit it out Goebbels!
Goebbels - Its Khruschev, it looks like he has INFINITE PLUS TANKS!
CUT TO; ZHUKOV- RIDING AN ARMY OF UNENDING CGI TANKS WHICH STRETCHES OUT INTO EVEN AN IMAX SCALE SCREEN!
Hitlerhito - Indeed? Even more tanks than our infinite number of them?
CLOSE UP ON HITLERHITO - NOW WE SEE THE CUNNING OF THE TRUE, ORIGINAL, HITLER
Hitlerhito - Well well well, Stalin you old rogue, you finally pulled it off.. EXECUTE ORDER SIXTY _SEVEN_ (Revenge of the Sith callback! We never found out what the other orders were or even if they went above 66!)
CLOSE UP ON THE NAZI DROID TANKS
RED LIGHTS PULSE
THE TANKS START TO SLOW DOWN
CUT TO; the line of infinite Russian tanks commanded by Zhukov
Maz Kanada - Zhukov my old friend, their slowing down....
Zhukov - wait, somethings not right about this...
EACH NAZI DROID TANK SLOOOOOWLY EXPANDS
AND SPLITS INTO TWO TANKS!
WHICH HOVER ON FORCE BEAMS
CUT TO; HITERHITOS (NOW FLYING) COMMAND TANK
Goebbels - Infinity... times TWO?
Hitlerhito - Ha ha ha. More than double the number of Soviet tanks! AND THEY FUCKING FLY
CUT TO; MASSED CGI FLYING TANK BATTLE AS INFINITE TIMES TWO FLYING NAZIN TANKS SWOOP DOWN UPON INFINITE SOVIET T34S
ITS CHAOS - TANKS EXPLODO AND DROID BLEEP
Maz Kanada - Zhukov , there's too many of them!
Zhukov - Wait for it...
A FLYING NAZIN TANK CLOSES IN ON GEORGY ZHUKOV AND MAZ KANADA
Maz Kanada - We have to turn back!!!
Zhukov - Wait for it.....
CUT TO; BAM - IN THE SKY - THE TANK EXPLODOS
Maz Kanada - Whaaaat
CUT TO; IN THE SKY - ITS CHURCHILL AND ROOSEVELT (and Elanor Roosvelt in the background operating controls)
Churchill - whooo hooo!
Roosvelt - Game over Hitlerhito!
INFINITE TIMES TWO FLYING NAZI SUPER TANKS EXPLODO IN THE AIR
ON THE GROUND ZHOKOVS FORCES FIGHT BACK
Zhukov - You see Maz, we knew that Hitler couldn't be the real original Hitler. He was different somehow. There was only one answer. A million to one shot you might say.
Maz Kanada - Ha ha ha
CUT TO; INSIDE THE NAZI COMMAND TANK
Goebbels - My lord, there are too many of them!
Hitlerhitso - Looks like I'll have to handle this one
close up on Hitlerhito
DRAMATIC PULL BACK AS FOUR DROID ARMS ERUPT FROM HITERHITOS JACKET AND BURST OUTWARDS, EACH ONE HOLDING A *BLACK LIGHTSABRE* (like the Blackrazor - Clone Wars reference)
THE BLACK LIGHTSABRES AND THE BLACK DROID LIMBS FORM - A SWASTIKA
HITLERHITO BURSTS FROM HIS COMMAND TANK AND STARTS MOWING THROUGH INFINITE SOVIET TANKS
Hitlerhito - Now my trap closes!
CUT TO; IN THE SKY, CHURCHILL AND ROOSVELT WATCH
Churchill - *Four* black lightsabres! Nothing can stop him! Its too late! Look, he's nearly at the caucasus midway oilfields!
CUT BACK to the BATTLE - Churchill is right! HITLERHITO is carving a line right through the soviey army! Only One tank remains, crewed by Zhukov and Maz Kanada
Churchill BLASTS more tanks out of the air
Churchill - Once he reaches the oilfields he'll be unstoppable! And NOTHING is standing in his way!
CUT TO; the BATTLE
MAZ KANADA RUSHES FORWARDS TO STOP HITLERHITO
ZHUKOVIS CRUSHED BENEATH HIS OWN UPTERNED TANK
Zhukov - Maz! No!
MAZ KANADA turns back to ZHOKOV
Zhukov , this is something I *have* to do.
THEN SHE STEPS FORWARDS, HITLERHITO AND HIS FOUR BLACK SWASTIKA LIGHTSABRES (Darksabres) LOOM over Maz Kanada
CUT TO: The AIR
Churchill - Nothing can stop him! Nothing!!
Roosvelt - _Nothing_
Cut to CHURCHILLS FACE
Churchill - Roosvelt, no! Not _that_!
CUT TO: The BATTLE
WE SEE ONLY FROM ZHUKOVSPOINT OF VIEW AS MAZ BRAVELY BATTLES HITLERRHITO
THE PINCH FACED ALIEN DEFENDS BRAVELY BUT HOW LONG CAN SHE STAND
KHRUSCHEV REACHES OUT ONE ARM FRUITLESSLY!!
Khruschev - Maz! No!!
CUT TO; THE AIR
Roosvelt - Churchill, you said it your self! There's no other way!!
Churchill - Noooooooo!
Roosvelt - Its time to use my ATOMIC BOMB, the superweapon I always had but didn't mention until now
ROOSVELT HITS HIS ATOMIC BUTTON
THE BATTLEFIELD EXPLODES INTO WHITE LIGHT (just like the Holdo maneuvre - Last Jedi reference)
CUT TO: THE BATTLE
The last thing Zhukov sees is Maz Kanada and Hitlerhito consumed in WHITE LIGHT
DID SHE FALL? COULD SHE POSSIBLY HAVE WON? WE WILL NEVER KNOW
CUT TO; LONG LOW SHOT OF THE BATTLEFIELD, NOW A PARCHED NUCLEAR WASTELAND
"Hitlers Theme" from the start, plays again, this time as a lament
Roosvelt - You know it Churchill, there was NO OTHER WAY
Churchill - Unfortunately for you, history will not see it that way (Clone Wars Season 5, Darth Maul reference, for the fans)
Roosvelt and Churchill fly off into the TWIN SUNS
MID CREDITS SCENE
A PAIR OF BOOTS CRUNCH INTO THE NUCLEAR DUST OF STALINGRAD
THE CAMERA PANS UP
ITS ... STALIN!
AND HE IS *PISSED*!!!
Stalin - Roosvelt...
STALIN SURVEYS THE WASTELAND
Stalin ..... Roosvelt, this isn't over..
CONTINUE CREDITS ROLL
EVEN THE BIT AT THE END WITH THE COPYRIGHT SIGNS
THEN RIGHT AT THE END BEFORE THE LIGHTS GO UP
CLOSE UP ON A SMALL FRAGMENT OF NUCLEAR WASTELAND..
THE SURFACE CRACKS...
A FIST PUNCHES UP!
ITS ZHUKOV! ALIVE!!
Roll More Credits
All the digital artists etc.
SHOCK (but _respectful_) end-credits sting and moving holocaust reference
Handyman played by GEORGE LUCAS (can deepfake him, Disney has the rights)
GEORGE stares subtly down into a GOLDEN LIGHT
GEORGE brings up a simple handyman's hammer
The light lessens, darkness looms
GEORGEs face takes on a look of DETERMINATION
A HEBREW MYSTERY BOX! (Maybe not with the star thing, too political, something generic instead)
The BOX is hammered shut
GEORGE nods somberly, his work is done
He reaches down and begins to wheel the mystery box away
A warehouse of INFINIte MYSTERY BOxEs! (Raiders of the lost Ark reference) Hitler was right all along though not morally obv
FADE TO BLACK
The following words..
STALIN and the ALLIES will return
WORLD WAR THREE (Episode VI): COLD WAR