Thursday, 15 June 2017

Hugh Lupus

The fat, greedy, lazy but not entirely incompetent master of the City of Legions, which is called, even by him, “Legions Fort”, and which is not a fort, and has no legions, claims dominion over Wir-Heal as a representative of Castle Mammuster.

In practice Lupus unable to send a meaningful number of troops into the peninsula due to the dense terrain, the deadly dreams of the Titans, the ever-present Curse of the Woodwose and the fact that he just doesn’t have many troops. Only small groups of rogues and adventurers are able to get around at all, and at with enormous risk.

Nevertheless, Lupus is willing to “license” adventurers or explorers of almost every kind, as well as the borderline lunatics of the Court of Wassail, hoping to skim off whatever they bring back and hopefully find some way to fasten his hand more tightly on Wir-Heal. 

Lupus loves three things, wine, food, money and hating the Welsh.

Anyone pointing out that these are four things is locked in stocks marked 'pedant' and pelted with peas till they pass out.

Though Lupus is a brutal, greedy, lustful, status-obsessed Welshaphobe, he has two excellent leadership qualities; he is clever and he is lazy. His laziness means he never persists too long in his brutality and that the City of Legions has a thriving civil society since that means less work for him, and his cleverness means he rarely taxes people more than they can bear, and that he beats his enemies quickly and ruthlessly, leading to an efficient stability.

None of this would be obvious on meeting the growling, near-obese, wine-stained, hungover, petulant and wrathful Lupus in person.

An Average Day For Hugh Lupus

What’s the Clock?
Where’s his Lordship?
01.00am - 11.00am
Asleep. He will not be happy if woken up unless it means money or killing the Welsh.
11.00am - 12.00am
Breakfast and Beer. He is forced into stained finery and bulging bronze mail.
12.00am - 01.00pm
Lupus arrives late to mid-day mass and usually falls asleep at some point during the service. His snores echo round the Cathedral.
01.00pm - 02.00pm
Lupus tours the city walls, inspects and threatens the troops on guard and ritually calls down curses on the Welsh. He usually has a drink or a pie in hand. He may be encountered by PCs as he criss-crosses the town and could take an interest in them, especially if they have a martial air.
02.00pm - 03.00pm
Lunch, consisting of wine, d6 pigeon pies and harassing the staff. Lupus will often interview potentially useful but low-status people during this hideous and greasy experience.
03.00pm - 05.00pm
Court business. All of the petitions, meetings and official administration for the day are forced into these two hours during which Lupus becomes increasingly drunk, angry and hungry. He is much happier after eating so wise petitioners and administrators will either bribe their way into an early meeting or 'happen' to have brought food with them.
05.00pm - 07.00pm
Dinner! The feasts of Lupus are legendarily rich and meaty. Lupus will invite interesting, useful, attractive and high-status guests to this dinner. A great deal of the political organisation of the Kingdom takes place here, important deals are made and contracts signed.
07.00pm - 09.00pm
Entertainment. This could include minstrally, dancing, gambling or idle blather.

Any hanging, decapitation, eye-removal or de-handing of a criminal will be scheduled here. Lupus likes to have a chat with the guilty party to make sure they have learnt their lesson.
09.00pm - 10.00pm
Sex and/or sleep. If Lupus has managed to persuade, or pay, anyone to fuck him it usually happens around this time, after which he passes out. If not, he passes out anyway.
10.00pm - 01.00am
Paranoia, religion, surprise inspections, drug abuse, espionage and crime.

Lupus wakes from his sinful bed and is stricken with a terrible awareness of his own nature. He prowls the castle and town with a drawn sword looking for traitors, performs surprise inspections and drills on his troops, abuses non-alcoholic intoxicants, breaks into the Cathedral and falls down weeping before the cross, meets with spies and informants and sometimes has people quietly drowned before passing out in bed with his sword in his hand.

Reasons To Meet With Hugh Lupus

You don't have a choice. If you don't find out about him, he will find out about you.

Legally, he is the Lord of Wir-Heal and all the surrounding lands. No-one is allowed in without his agreement. Anyone removing items or treasure from Wir-Heal must pay a reasonable tax (It's only 10%, he's not an idiot) and not massively or shamelessly disobey the law in any way that would be obvious.

Illegally, he also the crime-lord of Wir-Heal. Wrecking and trading in items from the Broken Eons is illegal, yet goes on continually beneath the surface of the City of Legions, it goes on because Hugh Lupus controls and regulates the trade. In this case his tax is 50%.

Technically you have to petition Lord Lupus during business hours. In reality PCs can probably dream up a number of ways to meet him and gain his agreement.

Meeting Hugh Lupus

·        Lupus is extremely perceptive and cunning. He can usually tell roughly what level individuals are, regardless of how they present themselves.
·        He is roughly as smart as the DM, so if PCs can't fool you, they can't fool Hugh.
·        He always has at least 6 halberd-armed men and 6 longbow archers within calling distance, either trotting behind him or in a nearby room (except between 09.00pm and 01.00am).
·        He has no particular prejudice against anyone except the Welsh.
·        He loves to be flattered, even if its fake.
·        He is a high-functioning alcoholic and is drunk 75% of the time. Gifts of food and booze are always appreciated.
·        A first offence means losing a hand, but you can choose which one. A second offence means losing an eye, but you can choose which one. A third offence means losing a head "but you can choose which one! Ha ha ha ha ha."
·        Lupus does not use a food taster, there is a 50% chance he is immune to any particular poison and has a well-known standing order that anyone who does successfully poison him is to be publicly congratulated, castrated, blinded and dumped in Lupus’ own grave to share his fate.


  1. "Lupus loves three things, wine, food, money and hating the Welsh."

  2. "A first offence means losing a hand, but you can choose which one. A second offence means losing an eye, but you can choose which one. A third offence means losing a head "but you can choose which one! Ha ha ha ha ha.""

    This is it, right here, this is all you need to know... he's THAT guy.

  3. "Paranoia, religion, surprise inspections, drug abuse, espionage and crime."

    Weird Part of the Night - Louis Cole

  4. This is awesome work, just what I needed for an NPC.