Monday, 15 July 2013

The Old Vortex Genade Problem

And no, it's not when a 32 year old man playing a teenage version of you springs both the item, and the rule on you in the middle of a game, sucking Commisar Yarrick into the Warp despite the very careful wording of his special rules.

Young Zak S had this perennial puzzler “A vortex grenade warp (10' diameter--spawning daughter-voids) has collided with a 50'x 50' space suffering a cubic Escher-5 nanospatial distortion. Unreality spews from a dissolved side of the cube like lava and cools hematitic bubbles. The voids continue to shudder and spawn. what will happen next?”

Ah, If I had a penny for every time I’d been asked that one.

Regrettably the reality warping effects of the event also affect every relation of the event, so I was only able to produce this table in the following format as space melted around me as I was writing it making it virtually unusable as a table.


Luckily the effects of this event only last a few minutes and then disperse harmlessly. However, the zone corrodes the rules of time and as a consequence it is effectively permanent and always happening. And has always been happening.

The zone also corrodes reality so it can be difficult to know when you have left the zone. On ‘leaving’, on a secret roll of one, you are still inside. Like a nightmare of falling that repeats in the light, you dream and daydream that you are still there. You are. This is the daydream, the Zone is real.


I forgot that Scrap Princess is also doing requests. She can draw and do rules whereas I can do neither so go and ask her for something cool.

The raw data is here-

Some forest fires. Trees bow down towards the zone in a circle out of fear. Sudden changes of genre common though no explanations will be given. Chance of alternate selves is high. Portals spread like shotgun buckshot, most only bucket sized, random locations and destinations. Cosmic memory particles gamma-burst out from core eroding and recreating new memories. All possible bodies in area reanimate and try to get away from or deeper into the zone. Psychic types blinded by aftershock of ghosts. Souls swept out of the afterlife like tourists from a sinking liner in a storm, good ones clinging to astral wreckage, bad ones trying to get away. Buildings from future crash into present as ruins, a passenger plane has crashed here, annoying and conventionally attractive survivors, dinosaurs. Scale change zone, PC’s may be infested with elephants, find mountains in the toes of their shoes or be stalked by a single Bee. Former characters of players from other realities may arrive. Viriconium. Snail Quarter becomes visible. Time/Space distortions. Active clerics of every faith (some clerics, not all) commanded to converge on Zone and seal it from every direction. Rainbow explosion of coloured gas in the atmosphere Invasion of living spells (mostly ejected into space). Recently born air and earth elementals of every conceivable shape and size. A zone of subcreation, all possible forms given intelligent and animate life, secondary explosion of new living beings flows out in a wave front. All metaphors used in speech actualise. Spray of nano-wishes ejected into nearby space, most absorbed by sub-soil fauna who generally choose to become Shoggoth-Philosopher-Kings, possible source of Civilopedes. There is the immediate attention of all active gods as reality breakdown triggers apocalypse alarm in divine plane. BOILING HOLE IN EVERYTHING PLUGGED BY A PILLAR OF ENDLESSLY BURNING GLASS, DEAMONS, ANGELS AND FACES FROM OTHER REALITIES LOOKING THROUGH.

1 comment:

  1. You should give this text adventure a go:

    It's by Adam Cadre and it is quite disturbing, but this post reminds me of it, somehow. Make sure you don't give up the first time you die.