I promised a friend an "achingly portentous, barely comprehensible, sub-tolkien prophecy to motivate you"
This is a pointless quest, leading nowhere. Is following a deranged made up poem-prophecy more stupid than thieving gold from monsters so you can get points that make you 'better'? Probably.
"Heed
FOOL these lips have spaken lines that counselled dying kings
and then spit
deeds of starry wisdom in a burning spray of rings.
I
have heard the muttered whisper of dementia-riddled gods
I
have seen the subtle barking of the Prophets sneaky dogs
I
have spoken with the Kraken on his indigo-black throne
I
have feasted with the ghoul-god as he cracked an angels bone
In
the marrow of the bone there, in the scratchings of the dogs
In
the Kraken-limb mandala, in the begging of the gods
A
name has made it's knitting like a fish caught in a scarf
A
scarf where fish are knitted in an umber-woolen path
A
NAME crawled forth from legends in the darkest dreams of man
a
name that quakes and bleeds and burns, 'tis yours EUSYRAM!
AYE
Eusyram the noble and Eusyram the fool
tis
your name hidden in the tale the comet spread from Thule
AYE.
Thule!That distant land of men whose sourcerous minds doth scorch
whose
sky-craft flips through history's page on destiny's front porch
have
named your name as forefront in the wizened wizards scheme
to
surf the flame and quench the deep and seek the Crystal Dream!
FIVE
SIGNS they have predicted that will speed you on your quest
yet
NONE may be related lest its secret free the rest.
So
riddles I shall pose thee Euysram the knight
unknot
these cryptic weavings and the dream is yours by right!
Decode
these lines and know the schemes and sights and tricks and path
evade
the gurgling Gnathopod, flee from the Chetchindwrath!
First,
seek you out the wormlight where the yellow grasses gleam
then
mount the lunar lion, but, beware the horrid Breem!
The
Breem The Breem, oh monster swimming from a nightmares jaw
evade
the boiling eye of it and break the horrors maw!
Then
secondly, make straight for shores where two man walk as one,
where
gold gives way to silver and the apple eats the sun.
where
earth and water masticate beneath the hoof-struck bridge,
where
ravens mock the eagles beak as sunlight strikes the ridge.
Obey
these words Eusyram and wisdom you shall find,
and
soon the dream of Asteroth that cracked the crystal mind!
Next,
waste no time but straight away disrobe the widows wife,
make
hobbit stew and dwarf pies too and whet the elf-lords knife
this
done, my cryptic riddles shall reveal their subtle form
and
rouse the hand of Asteroth beneath the nighted dawn.
Oh
Asteroth oh Asteroth, the master of the Breem
the
crocheter of mocking time the weaver of the dream!
The
Crystal Dream that broke the cycle many moons ago
and
lying now in fragments waits for light, it waits for you!
For
you Eusyram, for fates entrapping blade
for
destiny's sweet midwife who a hundred dawns have greyed.
Fear
not Eusyram for your quest is near at hand
where
castles clamp the shoreless sea and quell the whispering sand.
Where
fools are knighted by the wise, where wizards bow to birds,
where
eyebeams from the hero's gaze entrap the poets words!
Look
there Eusyram! Within the black encrypted rooms,
the
cellular asylum where the dirge of madness booms!
See
you now Eusyram? See you now the truth?
The eyes that hear the moaning whale shal twist themselves in ruth.
One
clue remains Eusyram to unveil the Crystal Dream,
to
bear the path of Asteroth who bore the horrid Breem,
you
must battle naked daymares in the dark archival halls
and
seduce the one-eyed duchess in the bright ceramic balls
you
must travel to the horse-henge when the Pleiades are high
and
weave the song of Asteroth to 'ope the Deamons eye!
Within
the Deamons iris where the horrid colours twist
is
writ the names of Asteroth in winding helix list.
Recite
the name Eusyram and Asteroth shall hear
defeat
his ghost, then eat some toast, the Crystal Dream is near!
The
Dream the Dream, it's hiding place a prophets fevered secret.
If
you have read these riddles right, Eusyram, you'll keep it.
And
once the Crystal Dream is yours Eusyram the Great,
your
destiny's fulfilled my child, not soon, nor far, nor late."
This is the best! I'm speechless. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
ReplyDeleteSOMEONE's been reading too much Lewis Carroll.
ReplyDeleteIt's sort of like Jabberwocky Meets The Court Of The Crimson King. Which is all kinds of awesome.
ReplyDelete