Monday, 25 January 2021

Sky-Child and Monster Count

Ok the previous post got us close to fifty non (or less) vilent monster ideas for Goose-Gold & Goblins.

I told myself that  when I got to fifty I could stop making monsters and move on...

Comments from the last post had some pretty good ideas. Shall we see if, with their help, I can approach the finish line?


The Gibbon Grandmaster is the governor of this gang. That mysterious madman sits upon a turquoise throne, half drowned in azure gloom, and whispers commands through his mirrored mask.

His weapon and his aim is the Gibbon-Simulation, a twisted mockery of the GooseWorld with all of its actors and actions replaced by long-limbed apes! 

The Mirror-Gibbons move through mirrors abducting and replacing people like a sci fi communism-monsters.

They act human by doing a crayon drawing of your face and sticking it to the front of their Gibbon face, and also wearing human clothes on their Gibbon bodies. They stand on each others shoulders and wear long coats, trying to act human. Or steal paper and write letters trying to lure people out to the trees; "PLS COM KWIK 2 TH GIBON TRES I UR MOFER NED U I AM NAWT A GIBON RITING TIS"

Then you wander out there and BANG, you are in a Gibbon-Sack and some Gibbon is in your house pretending to be you.

"there's something off about the mayor..."

What does the Gibbon Grandmaster actually want? What is their end-goal? Are they seeking some central kernel of humanity itself, so they may comprehend it? s their obsession with humanity driven by desire, resentment, or sheer perversity? How deep will their gibbon-simulation go? How engorged will their illusion become? What madness lies behind the gibbon-masters eye?

The Gibbon-Master, a dark echo to the Goosemaster. But while the Goosemaster tries to provide challenge, interest and fairness, the Gibbon Grandmaster tries to annihilate these things. They are a person against the principals of the game itself and they will not rest until they accomplish the Gibbonification of all that is and reality is but a shadow on the wall of time...


The Monks Main Deal = looking spooky, being sinister, chanting mournfully, ringing spooky bells, walking in rows and dooms generally. They wear long cassocks and always keep the hoods up so their face is in shadow. They just have normal faces underneath but like looking cool and sinister.

Also huge leathern tomes of doom. The Monks keep scribal records of whatever dooms occur. You can go and look, to read the Dooms. Usually one is blind, cackling, possibly homicidal and mad, and has poisoned the pages and hidden the book in a labyrinth, but that’s pretty normal for the monks of doom you know?

The Monks of Doom are both sinister and scary, and tbh just seem like they are largely up to villainy. They bring doom to things. Or maybe they just know that doom *will* be brought to all things.


If they point at you and go DOOM then your doom is on its way.

Yes the monks are often scheming up some doom or other. Often just going through the motions if they don't have anything else on, like performing a ritual in a stone circle at night with blazing torches
not any particular ritual, just a general sort of one. 

They are very gothic monks, good at keeping terrible soul-shattering secrets, or just normal ones...

And by keep I mean gesture mysteriously and pointedly towards the secret, because they really want people to *know* that they have soul-shattering secrets which can BLAST THE MIND. TERRIBLE TRUTHS I TELL YOUUUU.

They also hang around in or near graveyards, ring bells during storms, loom dangerously from doorways, thrust scraps of paper into your hands with obscure sigils scratched on them before scurrying away.

They recruit kind of like its a cult. 

"We are not a cult!" (they are).

Talk about "ebon mysteries" and "sanguine chalices". They are basically like the Masons for weird secrets. Have meetings where you can dress up and wear masks, and they have a funny handshake too. Like many ridiculous conspiracies, things can go a bit wrong, someone always going a bit crazy and taking things "too far". Like, if they ran into an actual eldritch horror, what would they even do?

They have a hideout, (its not really hidden), the Monastery of DOOM, which has hidden passages, a crypt, a labyrinth in the tower, statues where you open secret doors by pressing the eyes in, eldritch tomes, an observatory, etc etc. Oh and a hunchback, and definitely lots of traps.

What do they want?


And either to prevent, or ensure some TERRIBLE THING OR OTHER. They are constantly insisting that things either not be done, or that they MUST be done, and usually with a time limit based on the moon or something.


They are knights. They ride huge snails - which don't really go that slowly when you think about it. About the speed of an ambling horse, and they keep at it. 

They all have quests, which as it happens gets them right up in your fucking business, and of course they are all excellent hand to hand combatants, (unless you run away), not that there is much call for that in this game. 

And they are very honourable, all into helping the weak and what have you, but they can be dangerously inflexible about that. If they make an oath or whatever that either gets all up in your face, or in your way, they will damn well stick to it, through hell or high water.

So they can be handy to have around, or a big problem. Possibly both.

Not to mention the kicker - they are all quite mad. Some think themselves made of glass. Some are in love with the moon. Some think their thoughts are birds which fly away at shocking sounds. Some narrate their own lives. Some cannot speak normally but only in rhyme.

So now you have a possibly-mad knight with a very specific quest following you very slowly about, you will have to run to avoid them. They are too slow to actually do anything useful but keep turning the fuck up everywhere you are at the worse possible time.

PICKLE LICH/PICKLE WITCH - from Benjamin Cusack

Pickle Lich or Pickle Witch. Really they are almost exactly the same thing, with roughly the same powers. Gender makes very little difference if you are dead in a number of jars. But they like the name to rhyme, even if there is only one of them present.

A lich, (or a witch), in a jar. Or possibly in several jars.

Don't place them in sunlight and please keep them in a cool room. 

They really want to get all their jars back together, and to avoid them being used as jam or whatever, and tbh those jars could be anywhere.

A main deal is that their limbs can roll this shit around like a hamster in a hamster wheel. They are horrifically vulnerable to breakages, failing seals, having a towel thrown over them or being violently shaken, so they will usually get their creepy minions to carry them about and hide them in specific places. Or anywhere there are shelves! MUHAHAHAHAH!

If you think about it the Pickle Lich, (or witch)'s main desire to get all of their limbs back, or at least on the same shelf, is pretty reasonable. Though if they do they will almost certainly set about evil doings in response. The more bits of themselves they can get back, the more kinds of super-magic they can do and the more trouble they can cause.

Their main foes are the Roadkill Pharaohs - taxidermized mummy lords, who will hopefully keep them busy.

SKY CHILD - from Montefeltro

The sky-giants, the Titans, who live up in the clouds and among the stars, and who almost never touch the ground, (and when they do it can be disastrous)..  Sometimes they just drop a child.

It falls like a meteor, crashing to earth in a giant crater and starts crying. (When they cry, it rains, and storms gather). The sky titans are maybe not great parents, or they are forgetful, or perhaps the earth is the last place they look when they lose a child.

But whoever finds the Sky-Child has to look after it.

A Titanic Toddler, from two to four years old. When up and walking about its maybe twelve feet tall, maybe taller. Say two stories? Twenty feet? 

And those proportions - whoo boy this thing looks messed UP.

At some point the sky titans will miss it, and work out where it is, and come and pick it up, and if it has been badly cared for... Well, I wouldn't like to be in that position, would you?

The Sky-Child has magical powers which come from the sky. Its moods affect the weather, which is unfortunate as it is a toddler and its moods are incredibly variable. So the place is sunny when it is happy, rain when it is sad and storms when it is upset, lightning when it has a tantrum.

Obviously, Goblins and other regrettable parenting influences might have their own ideas about what to do with the Sky-Child - they might seek to cart it off and teach it Goblinish ways. Can you even imagine! They may also want its teeth for secret reasons, (giant coins from the tooth fairy?), or to sing it goblinish songs so it dreams goblinish dreams.

Whoever finds them has to feed them, keep them safe, clean them, teach them, clear up when they get into trouble. The kid will follow them around.

Instead of giving it a milk bottle you have to give it whole cows to suckle, (the cows are pretty confused by the whole thing). The Sky-Child picks them up in one hand or two and drains them dry pretty quick, hopefully depositing them gently when it is done.

Obviously the Sky-Child likes picking things up and putting them in its mouth, which can be dangerous in many ways. You don't want it getting a taste for human flesh. 

Looking after a Sky-Child for a sustained period of time can be a massive drain on resources but in most cases a community will come together to help out, and you can even appeal to the Emperor for tax credits

The Monsters So Far.....

  1. Amber Golem
  2. Bomblenowl
  3. Creature from the Unknown
  4. Conspicuous Squirrels
  5. Copy-Monsters
  6. Crime Bird
  7. Dracula
  8. Dragon
  9. Gelly Cube
  10. Ghost (standard)
  11. Ghost, of a Sinister Pig
  12. Ghost Queen
  13. Goblins, Cheese
  14. Goblins, Corn
  15. Goblins, Egg
  16. Goblins, Gas
  17. Goblins, Ghost
  18. Goblins, Glass
  19. Goblins, Gloom
  20. Goblins, Grain
  21. Goblins, Grass
  22. Goblins, Gourd
  23. Goblins, Long
  24. Goblins, Mole
  25. Goblins, Moon
  26. Goblins, Trash
  27. Ingot Beast
  28. King Slime
  29. Loan Troll
  30. Men-Of-Bones
  31. Mirror-Gibbons
  32. Moblins
  33. Moon Mage
  34. Ogre
  35. Pickle Lich/Witch
  36. Pumpkin-Headed Böggelmen
  37. Ratmaster
  38. Rude Orcs
  39. Secret-Eaters
  40. Sinister Pigs
  41. Sky Child
  42. Sky Witch
  43. Snail Knight
  44. The Danger-Snake
  45. The Master-Thief
  46. The Monks of Doom
  47. The Worlds Most Evil Dog
  48. Thieflings
  49. Trap Dogs
  50. Xanthic Men





  1. That's not a gibbon, it's a baboon in a mask. How deep does the apespiracy go.

  2. Ah-ha, this post just solved a plot knot for me; the introduction of a pickle witch is just what the situation calls for.

  3. Thank you!
    Love the rolling around idea, and the minions carrying around.
    One quick note though, C U S A C K.
    Love the write-up!

  4. How do these badass snail knights measure up to an outraged goose?

    1. Nothing can defeat the Goose.

    2. So if a snail knight vows to slay the goblins that stole your goose, you would be well advised to get the goose back and be well away before he catches up. Nice.

  5. Looks great! The Sky Titans' parenting skills clearly leave something to be desired, but then again, could someone else be responsible for the epidemic of tropospheric toddlers going AWOL? I suspect the nefarious hand of the Sky Witch...

    1. Maybe they jut practice antifragile parenting. Or its like letting your kid put rocks in their mouth so they develop a good immune system.

    2. Could be. Imagine the PCs' disappointment when they go to the trouble of capturing and drugging a grizzly bear to replace the baby's lost teddy and stop it crying, only for mum to show up and say "you did what? Nah, just let 'em bawl. It's good for 'em, they get spoilt otherwise."

  6. The pickle lich got a laugh from me.

    Funniest shit I've ever seen