Thursday, 31 December 2015

The Best Heroes

I keep meaning to write the third part of my imaginary Fantastic Four series - Ride of the Stygionauts, but for some reason instead I came up with this, an entirely new super hero team which is like something from a childs sketch book.

I don't know why I imagined it or why I keep imagining it. Its strange. It doesn't really fit anywhere.

So.. Happy New Year?

----------FROST MASK-------

Frost Mask is the worlds greatest thief, expert in deceit and stealth, master of crime and criminal genius.

Every tear she cries freezes on her face, even if she cries when she is asleep without realising it. Because of this she has declared that she will never be sad, even in her dreams, and dedicated her life to crime and adventure.

She is in the Umbra-Louvre looking at the umbral art, surrounded by trillions in wealth and the worlds most bored and attractive people. The real stolen paintings glow like gems wrapped in bridal veils.

Frost Mask once stole an entire Paris weekend and made it her lair. It was the weekend after the declaration of victory in WWI. She took it because the people seemed so happy. For this reason, Paris has no communal memory of winning World War One and the authorities of that city work feverishly to capture her and get back their weekend.

So in a sense, Frost Masks arch-enemy is the Conseil de Paris, but really she has a lot of arch enemies. Sometimes Chi-Master is her arch-foe. Her greatest enemy is Ennui, both the emotion and her evil half-sister who has that name.

(Some economists estimate that Frost Mask has stolen perhaps 1% of all human wealth throughout history and a sub-branch of economics is dedicated to making sure she is never caught because the injection of that much money into the world economy could result in disastrous inflation and global collapse.)

-----------CHI MASTER---------

Chi Master is an intelligent and wise golden gorilla. He is a master of all forms of Kung Fu and Guardian of all the Chi Force on earth.

The More life Chi Master is fighting to protect, the more powerful he becomes. If the whole world is threatened he becomes as powerful as Superman, able to lift mountains, shrug of missile attacks and kick ships out of the sea.

But if no lives are threatened then he has only the powers of a normal gorilla who is also a kung-fu master.

This makes it hard for him to catch Frost Mask when she is his arch-enemy because her thefts and crimes rarely endanger human life. Frost Mask takes from the rich and the dull and keeps it.

Chi Master lives in a really big tree which comes out of the ocean somewhere near Jakarta. The tree is so huge that an entire island is caught in its branches.

There are ancient pagodas on the island, and many mysteries hidden in the branches of the tree.

The tree occupies a Chi-Nexus on earth, that's why it is so big. It is a chi tree.

---------ARMY MAN-----------

Army Man is a man who has all the powers of anyone in any army. If anyone in an army can do something then he can do it too.

He is the best at fighting, driving, flying planes, swimming and blowing things up. he is really brave and never gives up. His gun turns into a tank. His backpack turns into a glider. His arch-foes are the brown army-men (he is green.)


Selenium Princess explores all the constellations of space from her  crystal pirate base on the moons shadow line (visible as a burning bead of light on the moons edge during an eclipse.)

she is at war with the Ziggurat Moon, which is another moon the earth had long ago and which sometimes returns.

Everyone on earth is afraid of her but they don't realise that without her they would have been enslaved by the Ziggurat Moon ages ago.

The Crystal Base of Selenium Princess is full of alien rogues. Sometimes criminals escape from earth and go there, sometimes bad guys from the moon visit earth. She runs a laissez faire regime and the governments of earth do not like it but there is not much they can do about it.

------MONSTER PRINCESS----------

Monster Princess is still a little girl. She is a small cyclops in a pink princess dress with a crown and sceptre and a box with all the monsters in it, in the form of toys, that she carries under her arm.

When she takes a monster out and says its name it becomes real.

She can pull out any monster; Vampire, Yeti, Godzilla-monster, all of them.

When she makes them real they have to obey her becasue she is the Princess but some of them can be troublesome.

The mother of Monster Princess is the Monster Queen. She is really big and lives under the sea. Sometimes she threatens the earth.

-----------DOCTOR ELEMENTAL----------

Doctor Elemental is actually four real-life doctors (they have phd's in various things, not all medical) who are each experts in different kinds of elemental sorcery. (One is bad).

When danger threatens the earth they combine into Doctor Elemental who can command pure elements at will. (He can separate them but not combine them). His (or her sometimes, depending on who is currently part of Doctor Elemental) is Blue, White, Green and Red.

The doctors get upset with each other and have medical drama's. They are kind of their own arch-enemy sometimes.

If one doctor dies then the other three have to go on a quest to see who will replace them. The replacement is always a doctor of some kind.

This way 'Doctor Elemental' goes on, even though the individual doctors die.


When danger threatens the world, the Best Heroes all team up and fight it.

Sometimes they don't all want to team up. Chi-Master can usually convince Frost Mask to join in if it looks sufficiently dangerous and interesting and if she joins in most of the rest will as well.

*it is a team with two princesses on it


  1. Write stories about them and sell them.

  2. Army Man fucking killed me.

    I want you to know this. I'm fucking dead now because of Army Man.