Tuesday, 23 September 2014

A Bounty on the Dignity of Zorlac

Fiddln' Joe I says (for, as you no doubt know, it's always been my habit to name myself in my own mind in order to avoid any legal complications arising from surveilance of the telepathic kind), Fiddlin' Joe, you've been screwed over and worked over and dammn near killed and robbed and libeled. You've been hung up in a tree in the street. You've been sexaully alleged against, (and you without even mammal glands to work em with. Swear to Vorn, last thing I was attracted to turned out to be the husk of a fruit vibratin' in a strong wind, what the hell got into me?), and had yer name slandered. And for what? By who? Well its only the same guy.


Fellahs a librarian, try to sell the boy books and he sets a goaddmn city on you.

Well Fiddlin Joe (I says, once again, entirely to myself within myself), Joe, its about time you did somethin' about this fella. You can't let people just go on siezin an advantage over you, no matter how much of a good egg you may be.

So I fixed on killin this guy and burnin' down his house, but, you know, events took a hold of me (as they so often do) and here I am fixin' to burrow into the head of a sleepin' god for about the second time.

First time I tried this we had a bunch of people, but they seem to have.. eh.. escaped notice at about the crucial moments. Left the few if us left facin' a whole heap of badness downn there in the sleeping mind of Vorn.  We was lucky to get out at all.

Well I aint much tougher than before but, dang it, ah have become funct-on-ally immortal and what the hell are you supposed to do with that kind of thing except take risks? We got more people with us this time, sure hope they dont dissapear on the axis of cruciality, as has been know to happen.

Gotta get in there and kill about three unkillable witches. Personally I can't hit shit but ah bought about twenty sacks and they only got about a head each so that should be enough.

Anyway, I'm gonna be busy gettin hacked at and pierced in the service o Vorn so ah thinks to myself 'Joe, old Fillin' Joe' (you see I was once again refering to mahself internally so to speak, in order to avoid  confusement) 'Joe, aint you just about one of those one-per-cent you heard folks talkin' about. You are beleagured with coins. Joe, why not just settle this Tortuga-Style and wax fierce on Das Kapital, that is, play it like a Lawman Joe and upend a bucket of Bounty on that poor fool, she how he likes it ah says!'

Well here you go. This bounty is guaruntee'd by the Bank Of Fiddlin' Joe, and I say anyone can claim it at all, but if you aint known to be reliable you better bring evidence that you did the deed.

Let it be known throughout the multiverse that 'Fiddlin' Joe Cooper, the cockroach thief, hereby places a bounty on the dignity of Zorlac the Librarian.

10,000 GOLD to the first to publicly throw a pie into Zorlacs face.

(Pete Loudly the audiomancer will add a further 5000 gp if the filling stains permanently.)

20,000 GOLD to the first to STRIP HIM of his trousers in a public place, thereby inducting him onto the HALLS OF SHAME.

20,000 GOLD to the first To write the word 'TIT' on his forehead in indelible ink.

Each reward may be claimed only once, but they may be combined

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