Monday, 12 August 2013


It’s only just crossed my mind that I’m unemployed and need a job and have a blog that people sometimes read.

If anyone needs any writing or RPG work doing, drop me a line. If you want to know what I can do look over on the right, or just read the blog. I do this stuff for free so if you pay me I can probably do better. 

As a reward for reading through that corporate whoredom, here are the final requests from when I was doing requests. I DID NOT FORGET YOU MATT H, OK I DID A BIT.

“Thousands of years ago the archipelago was a thriving maritime civilization which dominated its neighbors through superior sorcerous firepower. It is now long defunct and, though it is a very long way from anywhere, a whole economy has sprung up around salvaging useful relics from the ruins. Think the 17th-century Javan spice trade. The locals, who are largely lizard people, consider all this wizard trash a nuisance at best, and they have an uneasy relationship with the weird militant strangers from the far seas who are going to force you into trading pacts whether you like it or not. What kind of treasure are they digging up on these islands and why is it worth the months of starvation and scurvy you have to go through to get there?

Alternatively, I don't know, a list of motivations for ghosts.”

But what if the things they were digging up were also motivations for a dead empire of ghosts and that was the source of their power and it was like ghost-colonialism (ghostlonial?) and people of the present were using artefacts to use memories of the past for political gain?  Sorry Matt, I mashed your requests up together to make one thing. Here are some things you could dig up that are also motivations for ghosts.

You could roll 2d6 if you like.

Specie from the empire of MANPAC. Anyone eating a coin can consume one ghost
Worthless coppers, covered eyes of true loves corpse
Sold soul for this cash, will kill whomever has it.
Final payment for unfinished contract, mercenary ghost needs to get it done.
Forged coins bought an Empire. Ghosts will serve coin holders and detect fraud and lies
Whip of coins for greedy and faithless, following ghost eager to get back into it.
Portrait only link to earth, destruction sends directly to hell.
Last image of only child, dies young.
Concerto stolen from hell, when played activates all nearby angry ghosts, makes more angry
Awful saccharine hyper-patriotic statue of Generals pathetic death, fills army ghosts with sadness/rage.
Automated playmate misfired and mashed a kid. Ghost of builder will inhabit toy and protect you as child.
Ikon of future prophet ghost is waiting for to be born. Ghost follows portrait doing compare & contrast.
Psychopomp axe can cut ghost necks
Duelling blade broken defending lovers honour
“That killed me! It must be destroyed!”
“I will hold your oath fulfilled!” Aragorn-style bitches.
Badly forged blade broke at wrong moment. Possess it and blacksmith ghost will help you spot flaws in swords/tools.
Warhammer of healing. Blow to head dispels all negative statuses and does critical damage. Ghost wants to hit everyone.
Gem throbs in hand, shows way to ghost bones (re potential defilement)
Wedding ring
Blood Diamonds. Your blood!
Swore to strangle daemon with own necklace of coal. Stole necklace, missed daemon. Up for some intermediate strangling between here & main target.
Pearl was poets price for abandoning someone they loved. If they help you woo someone you love they get to rest.
Irritating metaphorical jewel. Glass till you understand mystery, then giant diamond, but then you don’t want it. Confused ghost died trying to solve. Still trying.
Wearing robes allows mortal to possess ghost & force action
Wedding dress/suit
Last remnant of evil fashion trend, must never be allowed to return. Activates all aesthetic ghosts.
Crown of dead kingdom. Ghost gotta serve yo.
Judges wig from dead corrupt judge. Wear it and judge will help you discern d100 lies then betray you.
Fake turin shroud inhabited by angry atheist ghost, will happly assist in fooling any and all faithful, any religion, out of bitterness re ghost form.
Plate Suit, when opened, will chase nearest ghost & wrap around, imprisoning forever
Book of handwritten poems with an arrow shot into it.
Mirror shield shows dead their old living features. Undead always attack shield (or wielder)
Badly fitting plate. Each piece from Knight that failed to save king. Wear it and they save you and get to rest. One at a time though.
Loyal ghost of armoured dog. PUGWRAITH.
Symbolic shroud you wear instead of real armour Does nothing. When you die your ghost has to hang around till someone else dies wearing it.


  1. when ive settled in new house - sorted struggle with social security then do my tax i has some money for rpg design so ill remember you - i should have several manuscripts ready by then too - 6 weeks - my heart goes out to you hope you get wok of your choosing

    1. thanks Chris. Don't feel too bad for me. I hated my old job so much that poverty and free time are like strange heavens to me now. I've done more meaningful work in the last two months than ever before. I just havent got paid for any of it.

    2. Strange heavens indeed! I've been a bit too sick to work for a few weeks now and I'm secretly enjoying the poverty and the convalescence and the perspective. I'd recommend it to anyone who lives where there is a good healthcare and social security network. Unfortunately I'm getting better now.

      Now I just have to remember how to write.

  2. Patrick, if you printed your blog out in easy to grab of the shelf for reference, cool ideas stuff, or published it in a PDF I can print of that page because it is useful right now format, I would give you money for that. Forget having a constant theme like you were trying to go for with the monster book. The theme of Patrick's weird cool ideas is enough to justify a jolly good printering.