Monday, 29 August 2011

Vampire Table

The first time I ever DM'd a game of D&D I was drunk, it was 4th edition and no-one knew what they were doing. In an accidental ejaculation of creativity, one of the designers of the intro adventure had included items in the Necromancers laboratory that might actually prove interesting.

My players managed to kill the necromancer and his obese zombie buddy.

'O.K we search the room. What's on the table.'

'Uh. I don't know' (looks at adventure booklet) 'er, some vials and stuff, and a flask of vampire blood.'

'Can I drink the vampire blood?'

'I'd rather you didn't.'

'Will I become a vampire?'

'I can almost guarantee you won't'

'O.K I'm drinking it! What happens?' 

So here is a table to find out what happens when your friend drinks vampire blood without warning. Its for 4th Ed and totally uncalibrated for balance or whatever.

Vampire Blood Table

You have randomly drunk the blood of an unknown vampire. That was a dick-ass stupid thing to do. Roll twice on the below table, once for a power, one for a weakness. Do so in the presence of the DM. Whatever qualities you roll, you must keep them both. Until you get bored of them, in which case you lose both.

Beast Summoning(daily power)
Sunlight, can’t heal in sunlight. At all.

Turn to Mist (daily power)

Garlic (plus Onions)

Blood Drain Daily power. Kill someone, drink them, gain 2 d20 hp)

Can only feed on blood.

Hypnotic Gaze. Daily Power.

Running Water


Fears Holy Symbols, Any, Not Cthulhu

Cannot Die (Can still get fucked up, comes back with blood)

Arithomania (Whatever can be counted, you must count it.)

Unnatural strength. Plus 3 to strength.

Invitation. Can’t go in without it.

Fucking with a dude. Before a fight you can drop a cutting remark or a sardonic smirk. Must be Role-Played combat advantage against one enemy of choice.

Gothic Whining (must never appear to be enjoying powers, if does so, loses them.)

Unnatural Speed add 2 to speed and dexterity.

Need dungeon soil to sleep, can’t without it. Or just to be covered in soil generally.

Mocks God (80% Resistant against divine damage). Die, toss a coin, head you live with 1hp.Must actually mock god when you do this.

Bullshit monologuing. Cannot kill ANYONE without telling them how easy it was and giving them a rundown of everything you plan to do next. Must be Role-Played

In the game my friend got vampire speed and Gothic whining. He wasn't whining much so at a slow point I asked him

'You enjoying those vampire powers?'


'Ha! Say goodbye!' 

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