Tuesday, 15 August 2017

Gen Con

Shortly after I post this I will be off to Gen-Con. Arriving late on the 16th, unless I have fucked up the timing in the transfer in JFK, in which case I will be arriving later.

This is what I look like.

Rules for Approaching Me

  1. Draw your blade with your left hand and lock eyes.
  2. Perform the 9th ablution.
  3. Scatter Salt Before me in a diamond pattern. (Don't break eye contact while doing this.)
  4. As you close the distance, spin a quick 180 to reveal the specially created mask of St Aldhelm (NOT Anslem, too many people make that mistake) and speak his 66th Aenigmatica in Latin.

- I will leaving my laptop at home and using my Mobile to communicate. WhatsApp messages, emails and G+ messages will reach me soonest. Emails will be replied to in minimalist fashion. Texts and calls will cost me money. Reddit and Facebook messages will not be seen.

- No Gifts Please - I'm at my carry-on limit for luggage.

- My gender is the obvious one on sight. (Male). If you want to get funky with the pronouns I will probably just sigh and roll my eyes, I will not take any special offence.

- I am really bad with faces and names. It's highly likely that I will forget exactly who you are. This does not mean I don't value you as a person. If you are worried this has happened its ok for you to subtly weave your name into conversation in the manner of the first page of a 90's X-Men comic:

"So, Storm, who I've know for thirty years, how will we defeat the Sentinels?"

"I don't know Wolverine, who I've also known for thirty years, what about you Scott Summers, my other close personal friend, who some call Cyclops?"

- I have difficulty processing information in complex social situations (like parties) and large crowds so;
  • I will almost certainly have at least one meltdown.
  • If I'm feeling stressed out I will probably try to remove myself from a situation.
  • If you see me trying to remove myself from a situation, please do not follow me asking me why I am removing myself from the situation and trying to make me 'feel better'. I will come back when/if I am ready.
  • If you at any point tell me to 'cheer up' or remark on my visible social discontent, you will be destroyed with immediate orbital bombardment.

- I realise my haircut looks 'a bit fascist', it's just for comfort, and to suit the shape of my square head, not a political statement.

- I'm also probably going to be wearing a lot of black. Seriously, its to hide the sweat from my ripe and decaying body. Its not political.

- I do not want to hear about your political views.

- Regarding sitting in a big block at the Ennies; look you can sit wherever you like but if you are going to the awards ceremony in order to support me, and I don't think this is really necessary to say out loud with my audience but the atmosphere is currently somewhat heady so I am going to make it public and in print;

Treat everyone who gets an award, and everyone in the audience no matter who they are or what side of any internet argument they have been on, with civil respect. Nobody in the room should be made to feel unsafe. If I detect anything to the contrary amongst people who are there to support me, then, regardless of who you are, you will experience and very rapid, immediate forceful and unpleasant confrontation with me directly.

And you will have ruined the night. And nobody wants that do they?


  1. Congrats on all the nominations! Quick questions:

    Will you be doing signings at the LotFP booth? And is there a favorite alcohol type that can be proffered? You don't need to bring back what you've already imbibed.

    1. I'll sign stuff, happy to drink pretty much anything.

  2. You are a hansome man with a nice haircut. If you and Scrap win any awards for Veins, it is super deserved! That book is honestly pure gold.

    What did the "DnD with teens"-teens, who may be non teens nowdays, think about the book?

    1. I'm the uncle of one of the teens and one of the guys who played in that campaign too. I'm not sure if they've seen Veins, but they liked the look of Deep Carbon Observatory.

  3. Now how do I approach you if my left hand was severed in a ritual opening of the 7th veil of Arkoash, hmm? Got an answer to that hot shot? Also I can't speak Latin with a forked tongue it's against my contract, will Ancient(AKA the one that got it right, why did they even invent other languages) Sumerian suffice?

  4. Love your writing and your politics - Keep it up mate, wish I could be there to shake your hand !

  5. Safe travels, have a nice time