Now then now then

Young Matt Diaz asked for "Carnival generator. For horrible undead carnivals. Danse macabres and calaveras, formaldayde-filled freakshows. Cruel and wild and exploitative."

Lets see what we can do for him in one hour.

Reasons The Clowns Are Evil

1 Red face paint is fresh child’s blood.

2 Under the paint they have the faces of dead relatives.

3 They are fallen souls from a higher reality, this cosmos is their hell, clowning is the punishment.

4 Have been surgically and psychically altered to react to laughter with intense pain and to die on the day they fail to make an audience laugh.

5 Are being forced to abduct children from the audience and torture them to death of their own children will be killed.

6 They hear voices whenever the carnival sound isn’t drowning it out. It’s the same voice.

7 Are planning to murder someone in front of the audience tonight and disguise it as a joke. They are all in on it.

8 Are covered with bulging carcinomas underneath the padded suits. The tumours have teeth and hair.

9 There is a box full of eggshells somewhere in the circus. The eggs have clown faces painted on them. During the performance one gets smashed. The clowns face breaks. It breaks wrong, blood and splinters and slivers of bone and black cracks.

10 Are hollow inside like paper bags. Boots full of lead weights to keep them down. During performance they take off and float about, its meant to be a trick but you can see its real and wrong.

11 The squeaky voice you through was fake is real, the real voice is the fake one.

12 They think you are their lost child and will steal you back.

Truth about the Immortal Ringmaster.

1 Head is a hollow egg. Hat is in charge, it never comes off. Pupils are black pits.

2 The pet monkey is in charge, no-one knows.

3 One of the ‘drunken immortals’ banned from heaven for drinking and partying too much.

4 Gains a year of youth every time they see an accidental death.

5 Ran party for apocalyptically minded gods to gain place on ark during flood. Immortal so long as party continues. Has clay tablet signed in cuneiform.

6 Tiny forgotten splinter of primal chthonic HATE from dawn of time embedded in the world like shrapnel. Has grown flesh body like a scar. Needs constant merriment around to disguise self from vengeful universe.

7 Hilarious manic Lich in disguise. Phylactery around the tigers neck.

8 Mass delusion psychic projection of evil intelligent circus animals. They adopt new animals and induct them into the cult. People are slaves. The cages are unlocked.

9 Rapey Timelord. Unstoppable.

10 Will live so long as they live only eyes. Otherwise normal.

11 Circus is a ghost that haunts them. Cannot get away. Tries to die but wakes up with top hat and cane.

12 Hears every bad thought in ½ mile radius. Universal nearby fun is only moment of silence and inner peace.

Reasons the Entertainment Chills

1 Acrobats have razorblade hands.

2 Animals always smiling, even when impossible for that animal.

3 Pratfalls, breaks and cuts are real. Children laugh compulsively and insist on staying. No adults do.

4 Mirrors show true souls of those reflected. Horrible.

5 Tickets are on leather skin of last audience, you think you recognise a tattoo.

6 Parents disappear in crowd, if came without parents then they appear in crowd. Alive or dead, on a 1 for 1 basis. No backsies.

7 Half glimpsed arm tattoos on carny workers are scenes from your life.

8 All carnival staff have clearly been weeping. They deny this through gritted teeth.

9 You have a one of a kind VIP ticket. All staff shocked and sympathetic to see it. They don’t want to be near you. Increasingly upset and surprised if you are still alive/around by end of night.

10 You win every game, can’t lose. They laugh and load you with toys.

11 Screams in background during big cheers. Tail off just after the audience noise goes down.

12 Every painted figure and carousel horse and clowns face and poste face and mask and toy face has one eye closed and face scrunched up like a stroke victim. No-one comments on this.