The Mourgelands and Highvern both curve around the Circle Sea, separated at the top by the Pillars of Delusion.
Eastern Ir
Here in the east of the eastern continent is the beating political heart machivellian fuckstorm of Ir.
Illmora;
"The smiling green fields of Ilmora are the world’s breadbasket, and its merry flower farms provide color and fragrance, food for the spirit even in far bleak Highvern. The lucky citizens of Ilmora are led by the Merchant Princes, those three at any given time who have won for themselves the greatest riches in the land through their own ingenuity and toil. They are advised by the ageless Father-Mother, pontiff of the nation’s fertility cult. The foundation of their wise diplomacy is the expansion of mutually beneficial trade on terms of friendly peace to the whole world. They wish only to provide you the bountiful objects of your obscure longings on generous terms!
The Verdant Fleet is their navy. It serves only to maintain just defense of their merchant vessels, holding open all routes on the sea, which can belong to no nation or people, but must remain free for the visitors and guests traveling to far flung lands."
The Slug Isle;
"The Wormcourt of the Slug Isle hereby announces the coronation of Crown Ysbryda Holyworm following the voluntary abdication and tragic death of King Cerate Holyworm IV. Crown Ysbryda celebrates their ascension to the throne with an immediate and permanent end to the "Slugfood Doctrine" of summarily liquefying and repatriating all ambassadors, couriers, traders, wayward fishers, and various other kinds of foreigners, as well as indefinitely suspending the freebooter-enforced taxes on all ships in historical Slug Isle waters. Furthermore, Crown Ysbryda is pleased to announce that all couriers and diplomatic representatives are once again welcome in the halls of the Wormcourt."
Kanibalo;
"Sleek metal longships have been seen off the coasts Ulukaa and the Gronnate. The sailors, if one can call them that, for their ships have no identifiable rigging, appear to be large, black serpentine creatures with four spindly arms. Their heads are eyeless and triangular, with a wide mouth filled with several rows of small, shark-like teeth. Despite their alarming appearance, they are polite and friendly, inviting the captains of other ships to, “Pop over for a bite, dumpling. We simply have to have you for dinner.” For some reason, no one has taken them up on this yet. "
These creatures call themselves the Kanibalo, which the small-minded have bastardized as the offensive “Cannibal.”
The Great Glorious Gronnate;
"ANNOUNCING A MISSIVE FROM GRON MAXIMAL OF GREAT AND GLORIOUS GRONNATE:
[the following bellowed through a still-bleeding goat's head]
THE GRON MAXIMAL GREETS YOU WITH A HARDY CLAP AND A SMELLY KISS! THOUGH YOU ARE FEEBLE AND FAR AWAY, YOU ARE IN HIS PRESENCE, SO DO NOT BE NAUGHTY
YOU ARE BAFFLED?? ARE THE PEOPLE OF THE GRONNATE A SCREAMING GOATS HEAD??? NO, YOU FOOL, WE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SHOUTING INTO IT AND THROUGH IT IN A CLEVER TRICK!
YOU ARE FRIGHTENED BY OUR BELLOWING. THIS IS NATURAL! TO ASSUAGE YOUR FRIGHT THE REST OF THIS MISSIVE SHALL BE DELIVERED BY AN ELOQUENT AND MANNERED (BUT STILL INTIMIDATING) SCHOLAR OF GRON
[an oddly-shaped man emerges from behind the head]
Hello and Thank You, I am scholar of Gron. Please contain your intimidation, it is not needed, thank you. Since time immemorial Gronnate has been greatest and best most powerful country, and in this missive I will tell you about it.
Okay I will tell you about Gronnate now: we are ruled by almighty Gron Maximal, whom you have met, via Goat's head. Gron Maximal is great and powerful, very good man, he protects us with his great army and awesome legs. Wow.
I am a Gronnite, but look out for my logic: all Gronnites are not me!! Thank you, we are in many colours not sometimes the same as yours. There are "White" Gronnite, "Seafoam" Gronnite, "Azure" Gronnite, and "Violet" Gronnite, in all kinds of gradation, aspect, and terror.
Gronnate is great military power, but we are also very philosophy, also Fine Art. In this new Age of openness and inquiring, we are send this scholar (that's me) to learn widely and teach widelier (about Gronnate) for enriching the cultural and brain potency in all our lands, and certainly not starting wars!!
In conclusion, We thank you for your time and consideration and hope you will be amenable to enriching non-military exchanges.
Love,
[screaming again] GRON MAXIMAL (via Scholar)"
Ulukaa;
"Ulukaa is a tangle of jungles and swamp. Its people are hairless, haughty, and prone to thinking they’re being insulted. Their tattoos tell their life stories and they never travel without an entourage – at least a pet lizard-man and a masked confessor priest.
The Pontiff Queen, “All Eyes,” never leaves the capital in the deepest swamp. Any Ulukans you meet are called Ambassador, their priest is called Priest, their lizard-man is called using a trill in the language of lizard-men. They offer foods, medicines, drugs and perfumes, and are fascinated by machines and clockworks."
The Unknown Dutchy never entered the political life of Ir, here the magical veil of the Optimate never quite fell and so it remained isolated from all other lands.
The Chronicle of Ir
Being a list of those events of a large scale,
noticeable to all, which took place upon the known continents and seas of Ir,
date by date, from the first month of the Fall of the Optimate, Oct 2019.
To be dispersed to the Rulers of Ir, with a delay of
one or two months.
For the records from Oct 2019 to the middle of Dec -
Our tale picks up in the middle of Dec
16th Dec - ASSASSINATION!
Ir reels in shock as Ice Queen Setra claims to have
foiled an attempted assassination. Surely, she claims, the mind behind this
atrocity can only be the High Zarazant. If he will stoop to such measures, the
Highverners claim, what else is he capable of?
The Crystal City itself breaks out in spontaneous
demonstrations of loyalty to the Queen. The High Zarazant is burnt in effigy.
Anti-foreigner pogroms and ghost hunts are powerfully supressed.
18th Dec - The Battle for Fantibah!
Ir has watched in shock as the 'Rough Gut Boys' of
Xingando have carved their way through northern Illmora, crushing all
opposition and, allegedly, eating any that remains. Of the Great Father-Mother,
leader of the Illmoran Culturefaith, nothing has been seen.
Now the Rough Gut boys besiege Fantibah itself and, to
the shock of all, the Father-Mother emerges from their strange meditations.
Magic meets steel in the streets of Fantibah! The future
of Illmora hangs in the balance!
19th Dec - Retreat of the Rough Gut Boys
Illmorans everywhere take heart as Kazlmanns Rough Gut
Boys retreat from Fanibah in disarray!
Descriptions of the magical battle are
meagre, but rumours say the Father-Mother was driven to consume the Eternally Pregnant
Pomegranate, a rare relic, and by sacrificing this power, cast upon the Rough
Gut boys, magics so horrific that even their Steel Hearts were unable to bear
them.
The claim is that Kazlmann has been driven mad and now
seeks vengeance on the civilians of Illmora.
22nd Dec - Revolution! (or Subversion?)
The Southerly Illmoran states of Pergyrinia and Throria
claim independence and effectively enter the Ulukaan sphere of influence.
The reasons for this betrayal are unknown. Perhaps the
refusal of the Great Father-Mother to come forth in her nations hour of need?
Ulukaan trickery is suspected. Statements from Pergyrinia and Throria will only
say that they now follow SHE WHO'S VOICE DROWNS OUT ALL OTHERS.
25th Dec - DISASTER!
No-one is certain of its origin, but all over Ir
Thaumaturgists of every stripe insist some powerful event has taken place.
"The land glass, the green things now of unknown
metals, the stone as obsidian or as a great jewel, and no people of any kind,
yet only skeletons of men, birds, animals and even the shells of insects
transmuted into dark lead, lying like abandoned sculptures amidst pools of
bright and shining quicksilver."
Reports from the eastern coast of the Northern island of
the former optimate report some kind of zone of death around a formerly hidden
fortress of Xingando.
31st Dec - Tadaitzol Invades the Northern
Mourgelands!
After Setras total humiliation in early Dec, all eyes
passed from the northern part of the Hot Cold war between Highvern and the
Mourgelands.
Perhaps Setra herself was counting on this, for news now
emerges that, in an unprecedented example of intra-service co-operation, the
Highvern Army and Navy have moved move a significant force, not directly across
the Pillars, but landing somewhere in the Northern Mourgelands.
This army is not huge but is said to be commanded by
Tadaitzol the Hegemon, wielder of the Sword of Motherfucking Destiny!
The God Jan – Year 2020
1st Jan – Tadaitzols Terror March
Tadaitzol, the Hegemon, wielder of the sword of
motherfucking destiny, begins his Terror march south into the Northern
Mourgelands. No armies go forth to prevent him but the forces of the Zarazant
burn all foodstuff before his march, Tadaitzol marches into a land of dead ash.
2nd Jan – Gorianders Seige Engines
Goriander, general of Highvern boasts of his construction
of vast engines of death on the Mourgelands western border and claims he will
pull down the Zarazants Wall with his bar hands.
3rd Jan – The Zarazants Great Wall
The Wall built by the Zarazants legions across the
Southern isthmus is said to scrape the sky.
3rd Jan – Gron School of Harbour Opens!
The Great Glorious Gronnate announces (via Scribe Doot
who transcribes the Great Grons bellowed words) that the Gron U School of
Harbour is under-construction next to their Gron Capital! Soon ships from all
of Ir will be able to visit and learn ship stuff!
4th Jan – The Mountain Witch
The mountain people of Highvern tell stories of a
Mountain Witch who flies from mountaintop to mountaintop.
6th Jan – Kurdahar the Ruthless Enters
Throria
The Treasure Fleet of Illmora under Kurdahar the Ruthless
enters the city of Throria, formerly the capital of the Illmoran province of
Throria. With the province itself fallen to Ulukaan influence and the loyalties
of the City split, Kurdahar must not like what he finds, he leaves within a few
days, heading north.
8th Jan – Cybes the Beautiful encounters
Something in the Pass of Indecision
The Illmoran Treasure Fleet of Cybes the Beautiful encounters
something inexplicable and terrible in the Pass of Indecision, a reach of ocean
controlled by Illmora until a month ago.
What they meet, and what results is either unspeakable or
incomprehensible. Tales of psychic war and cyclopean forms are told, Cybes
labels the Pass ‘fallen to unearthly power’ and after a fruitless combat,
retreats West.
9th Jan – Kanibalo navy Meets the Gronnate
The extremely friendly navy of Kanibalo visit the Gron U
School of Harbour – its first visitors!
11th Jan – Gronnate research force enters
the Optimate
A mighty legion of research academics and undergraduates,
under former general Snavros of Gron, enters the southern Optimate on its
border with the Gronnate.
15th Jan – Strange Ships in the Ocean of
Alien Dreams
Unknown vessels are seen surging through the Ocean of
Alien Dreams heading east under full-sail.
17th of Jan Onwards – Ulukaan Building
Schemes
The Ulukaan government brings attention to its massive
programme of building, development and ‘cultural renewal’ in the recently
acquired provinces of Pergyriania and Throria, and the joy its new subjects
take in the reformed worship of the Mother.
19th of Jan – City of Pergyania plans to
Join Ulukaa
The rulers of the City of Chergera, main capital of Pergyriania
announce that laws currently moving through their legislature will bring them
into ‘closer beneficial strategic alignment with Ulukaa’, and recommend the
wonderful new Ulukaan product ‘Akhwei’, soon to be on sale all over Ir.
The Council of Throria, city of that province, admit that
similar laws are ‘under consideration’ due to ‘matters of circumstance’.
20th Jan – Tadaitzol the Hegemon Reaches
the Norther Isthmus
Tadaitzols forces cross the Mourgelnds northern isthmus,
though his troops are said to be suffering badly from dehydration and hunger.
21st -Kanibalos Visit Eejisfor
The Friendly navy of Kanbalo visits the Ulukaan capital.
22nd Jan – Kazlmann vs the Green General
Round Two
In northern Illmora, Captain Kazlmann and his Rough Gut
Boys, moving wildly and randomly since their defeat at the gates of Fanibah,
meet once again with the Illmoran Citizen Levies under the Green General.
Despite Kazlmanns rumoured worsening mental state, the same result reoccurs and
the Illmoran levies are driven off in disorder, though the Green General again
survives to fight another day
25th Jan – Return of the Gronnate Optimate Research
Team
Snavros and his undergraduates return to the Gronnate
claiming they have unearthed some ‘startling findings’ and opened new frontiers
into research of the Optimate.
There do seem to be less of them coming back than went
out. Perhaps they are on sabbatical?
30th Jan – Gron School of Perfumery, Pest
Control and Warfare opens in Eejisfor.
Dr Zbagnor Azure of Gron Phd, noted perfumer and
Alternate History Historical Novelist, announces the opening of the Gron School
of Perfumery, Pest Control and Warfare in Eejisfor, the Capital of Ulukaa. The
Great Glorious Gron bellows that this is a fine example of international
co-operation in the field of perfumery and strategic studies. Dr Zbagnor
appeals for students after the initial class of undergraduates mysteriously
disappear.
31st Jan – The Battle of the Ocean of Alien
Dreams
Perhaps the greatest sea-battle in Irs history to date
takes place south of the Moureglands fortified Isthmus.
While the generals of the Mouregelands are able to
observe from atop the great walls most southerly tower, Admiral Eraluessa of
Highvern attempts to land forces in a daring amphious assault. However, she
encounters once again, her old enemy, the Zarazants Abyssal Navy, and is driven
back into the sea.
The Gods Feb & Mar - 2020 (Unedited)
It was during the month of Feb in the year 2020 that I, the Herald of Ir, was myself captured by unknown forces.
As such, they were able to alter and amend my Chronicle to their own nefarious desires.
What follows no is the original, unaltered Chronicle for those months.
6th of Feb – Eraluessas Last Gambit
In a socially brave and lucky assault, Admiral Eraluessa
evades the abyssal navy in the Ocean of Alien Dreams and lunges for the
Mouregelands coast. She successfully lands major forces only 100 miles south of
Cradle, its capital. All over Ir many believe the Zarazants days are numbered.
Feb 12th
– I HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED!!
A huge Battle
begin somewhere south of Cradle, capital of the Mourgelands. Settras Legions
against the Skeletons of the Zarazant.
Twelve refuses
the armies of Tadaitzol the Hegemon entry to their lands.
THE HERALD OF IR
IS KIDNAPPED BY AGENTS OF THE GREAT GLORUOUS GRONNATE HELP ME SOMEONE!!!!
Feb 13th
– They are still fighting!
The massive
battle in the southern Mourgleands continues for a second day. Many heroic acts
take place.
Tadaitzol marches
south to join the other Legions of Highvern.
Mid-Feb –
Things cool down in Illmora
The Illmoran
theatre of war seems quiet. Troops cluster around Fanibah and the deadly
killers of Xingando under the mad captain Kazlmann, seem to have retreated or
fallen back.
Late Feb
Metal Ships meet
Huge Sea-Worms in the waters around the mythical Slug Isle.
Feb 20th
The Legions of
Highvern, apparently still fighting make a heroic last stand within sight of
Cradles walls!
Feb 24th
Details are
unclear but Tadaitzol the Hegemon and Vauphiria Donkor, chief general of the
Moureglands, meet in earth-shattering single combat. The magical powers
unleashed are so MASSIVE that thaumaturges all over Ir wake dreaming of them.
Ultimately, both parties suffer permanent loss. The Sword of Motherfucking
Destiny shatters the spirit trap of Donkor and is itself shattered. Tadaitzol
is dragged from the field and his army retreats north. Pursued by the
Mourgelands tireless hordes.
Mar 1st
ASSASSINATION!!!!
AGAIN!
Deadly assassins
strike once again at Settra, Ice Queen of Highvern!
Settra survives
and presumably seeks revenge though who sent this particular set of assassins
is something she keeps to herself.
Mar 5th
A great academic
GRONFERENCE begins in the Great Glorious Gronnate
Individuals from
all over Ir attend.
Mar 7th
Tadiatizols army,
reaches the coast of the Circle Sea and finds the equally-shattered navy of
Admiral Erulessa arriving from the north to pull them off.
But Donkors
massive legions still trudges after Tadaitzol from the South and Eraluessa
herself is pursued by the Abyssal Navy of the Zarazant.
Mar 9th
A strange single
metal craft arrives in the ports of Highvern, claiming to be an emissary from
the King of Kanibalo on the other side of the world.
Mar 16th
The GRONFERENCE
continues, it seems likely that the combined forces of Ir intend some
expedition to the Optimate. Rumours suggest some great doom is prophesied at
the GRONFERENCE.
The Gods Feb and Mar – Year 2020 - EDITED
And here are the disturbing alterations which my captors were able to make to my Chronicle for those months. (I was able to introduce a very subtle secret code into these communication without their knowledge, see if you can spot it.)
Feb 12th – War is still happening!
A huge Battle begin somewhere south of Cradle,
capital of the Morguelands. Settra’s Legions against the Skeletons of the Zarazant.
The Twelve, a notorious hermit kingdom, has been
besieged by both sides for their allegiance. Thus far, they have kept their
silence. There are whispers that they do indeed have an alliance but with whom
remains unclear.
Feb 13th – They are still fighting!
The massive battle in the southern Morguelands
continues for a second day. Many heroic acts by the Morguelands take place.
Tadaitzol marches south to join the other Legions
of Highvern. A noticeable chill runs through their army. It seems like they may
be losing faith that they can defeat the Morguelandish hordes.
Mid-Feb – Things cool down in Illmora
The Illmoran theatre of war seems quiet. Troops
cluster around Fantibah and the deadly killers of Xingando under the mad
captain Kazlmann, seem to have retreated or fallen back.
Something quickens in the Optimate.
H
Late Feb
The Metal Ships of Kannibalo meet Huge Sea-Worms in
the waters around the mythical Slug Isle. Reports have come from across Ir that
the Kannibalo have been visiting each nation and requesting to “sample the
local flavour of the populace”. Do the rumours that the origin of the Kannibalo
name have merit?
AV
Feb 20th
The Legions of Highvern, apparently still fighting
make a last stand within sight of Cradle’s walls! Their army is noticeably
smaller and fatigued. Settra may have overplayed her hand!
E
Feb 24th
Details are unclear but Tadaitzol the Hegemon and
Vauphiria Donkor, chief general of the Morguelands, meet in earth-shattering
single combat. The magical powers unleashed are so MASSIVE that thaumaturges
all over Ir wake dreaming of them. Ultimately, Tadaitzol the Hegemon suffers
permanent loss. The Sword of Motherfucking Destiny shatters! Tadaitzol is
dragged from the field and the remains of his army retreats north. All the
while pursued by the Morgueland’s tireless hordes. The populace of Highvern,
hearing of this new defeat, begin to question their current leadership.
Settra’s days may be numbered!
Reports from the North of the Gronnate hear tell of
Gron flying through the sky. How they are capable of this is unclear, though
there are rumours of the Gronnate meeting “Sky People” in the Optimate who have
taught them the secret of flight.
BE
Mar 1st
ASSASSINATION!!!! AGAIN!
Deadly assassins strike once again at Settra, Ice
Queen of Highvern!
Settra survives and presumably seeks revenge though
who sent this particular set of assassins is something she keeps to herself,
though rumours abound that this may have been a coup from within her own army!
EN
Mar 5th
A great academic GRONFERENCE begins in the Great
Glorious Gronnate
Individuals from all over Ir attend.
The revelry and gambling are unmatched in all of Ir
and the Gods weep for all who miss this occasion.
KI
Mar 7th
Tadiatizols army, reaches the coast of the Circle
Sea and finds the equally-shattered navy of Admiral Erulessa arriving from the
north to pull them off.
But Donkors massive legions still trudges after
Tadaitzol from the South and Eraluessa herself is pursued by the Abyssal Navy
of the Zarazant.
The Gronnate school
of army performs a great number of terrifying military rituals across the
country in unprecedented numbers.
DN
Mar 9th
A strange single metal craft arrives in the ports
of Highvern, claiming to be an emissary from the King of Kanibalo on the other
side of the world. Rumours continue to swirl regarding the Kanibalo’s dietary
preferences.
SHOCKING RUMOURS FROM ULUUKA. A
crazed lizardman has washed ashore on Slug Isle and tells tale of terrifying
blob people that rule Uluuka through mind control. Their true motives are
unclear. The lizardman shortly therafter died from unknown causes.
AP
Mar 16th
The
GRONFERENCE continues, it seems likely that the combined forces of Ir intend
some expedition to the Optimate. Rumours suggest some great doom is prophesied
at the GRONFERENCe.
PE
Mar 20th
The
GRONFERENCE concludes with the formation of a four-way mutual defense pact and
a resolution to stop the impending destruction of all of Ir.
D!
Thankfully the subtle minds of the rulers of Ir were able to decipher my cryptic code and in the final records of the world of Ir, three vital events took place;
My rescue from the Black Hood Gang on the Island of Calder.
The GRONFERENCE, a great meeting of the finest minds of Ir which would set the strategy for their perhaps final investigation of the Optimate.
And the perhaps-final battle between the forces of Setra and the Zarazant.
More on those may be included in later posts (as this one was getting pretty long)
(Its 112 pages of PDF)
Love that Kanibalo pic. What nation would you play? What would you try and do?
ReplyDeleteNone of them probably, I already played the whole world.
DeleteFair enough
DeleteI'd love to read a post mortem with some more meta commentary about what it took to set up a novel "epistolary" campaign like this and what you'd do differently next time.
ReplyDeleteAlso those letters look fantastic! Did your players format them like that? It seems like everyone really went all out on giving their nation a unique feel to it.
I half-assed the setup & rules but will try to write something about them.
DeleteEveryone did real well with the letters
Fascinating. I'm kind of tempted to run something like this with a group of my own players.
ReplyDeleteI assume getting a full rules write up would be too much to ask for, but is there any chance you'd post even your unedited mechanical notes or just ramblings on the vague outline of the mechanics?
I'm mildly ashamed of how much I ballparked the rules but might post something one day.
Delete