tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4522018539311056682.post260482264507854212..comments2024-03-27T01:28:28.346-07:00Comments on False Machine: Pertuarbo - Identification Through Recognitionpjamesstuarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13288777018721199748noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4522018539311056682.post-71997025877668581012019-06-07T06:40:02.906-07:002019-06-07T06:40:02.906-07:00"I feel as if the world is slowly falling awa..."I feel as if the world is slowly falling away from me and that the nature of society and perceived reality will be increasingly defined by people who's views and intuitions I do not share."<br /><br />I'm right there with you. Unfortunately, that seems to be a normal part of being a middle-aged human male. As is losing the ability to make real friendship bonds. It's probably neurochemical.<br /><br />My therapist warned me about this before a moved across country a couple of years ago. I was like "No way. I'm charming and make friends easily." He replied, "I wrote a book about this." But I stupidly did it anyway. He was totally right.jamescbennetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06603912011980275273noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4522018539311056682.post-381726071443090102019-06-06T23:43:59.802-07:002019-06-06T23:43:59.802-07:00And didn't have a chance, but not in the same ...And didn't have a chance, but not in the same way the truly doomed Primarchs like Angron or Kurze didn't. There were probably many other ways his story could have ended, were he not so resentful, not so resigned,not so toxically destructively stoic. Those around him forced him to be what he is, and instead of trying to fight back or disagree or even just say it's not what he wants Pert went along with it, kept it inside and let it destroy him. It didn't have to end like it did, and yet with Pert being who he is it absolutely did. Theionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16442061439784381145noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4522018539311056682.post-40730795161613961572019-06-06T23:28:15.793-07:002019-06-06T23:28:15.793-07:00Glad to know that I'm not the only one who fee...Glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels a kind of bitter kinship with Pert. I also just find him one of the more compellingly tragic Primarchs,the way he constantly made to become someone he hated to please someone he hated more, and every time he managed to wiggle out from under his toxic parental figure's thumb he'd find himself under that of another, stronger tyrant. First his father, then the Emperor, then Chaos. He never really had a chance. Theionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16442061439784381145noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4522018539311056682.post-14383832334673237842019-06-06T07:07:00.418-07:002019-06-06T07:07:00.418-07:00"The truth is, brother, I have followed your ...<i>"The truth is, brother, I have followed your campaigns carefully, and I noticed a pattern that disturbed and then alarmed me. Always you do things the most difficult way, and in the most painful manner. You cultivate a martyr's complex, lurching from man to man, holding out your bleeding wrists so they might see how you hurt yourself. You brood in the shadows when all you want to do is scream, 'Look at me!' You are too arrogant to win people over through effort. You expect people to notice you there in the half-darkness, and point and shout out, 'There! There is the great Perturabo! See how he labours without complaint!'"</i><br /><br />Perty is one of the failure modes of stoicism, I think - rage, resentment and insecurity imperfectly leashed by his fear and intolerance of weakness (in himself as much as, if not more than, everyone else).<br /><br />I have grown - not comfortable, but accustomed, which is close enough - to being a flawed person on the periphery of things. There are worse places and people to be.<br /><br />Anyway. Respect and admiration to you, out here in the half-darkness. Your work is one of the things keeping it 'half-', for me.inirehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17323031535644346639noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4522018539311056682.post-90629606742742105242019-06-06T06:58:04.841-07:002019-06-06T06:58:04.841-07:00Hi Patrick,
We've never met and I'm not a...Hi Patrick,<br /><br />We've never met and I'm not a particularly fan of other humans, but I read your blog and you strike me as a genuinely delightful person. This is a great post. I hope you keep churning out more of this stuff, you're great at it!<br /><br />PicadorPicadorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01244353406711565712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4522018539311056682.post-8389698728669227402019-06-06T06:10:20.196-07:002019-06-06T06:10:20.196-07:00"Yes I could probably fix most of my problems..."Yes I could probably fix most of my problems.<br /><br />No, I'm not going to.<br /><br />Yes I want your respect.<br /><br />No, I'm not going to ask for it.<br /><br />Instead I will sit here silently resenting you for not automatically praising me.<br /><br />Bitterness is the key, and a constant low-level anger mixed with poor self-esteem.<br /><br />Resentment of beauty.<br /><br />Resentment of social ease."<br /><br /><br />Too real :(. Except for the not asking for respect part, I've pretty shamelessly asked you and plenty of others for it in the past, usually to no avail because that's a dumb way to go about things, but such is life.<br /><br />I've been feeling pretty rough lately too, throwing myself at a bunch of bullshit instead of the things I should be doing because those things are hard and scary. <br /><br />Not going to give you any saccharine / perfunctory platitudes about how it'll be ok or you're not alone (except the above statement which is more a personal anecdote than a statement about the world at large). Things will just be what they are :/.maxcan7https://www.blogger.com/profile/12504030224075149157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4522018539311056682.post-11978981444332182782019-06-06T06:01:05.623-07:002019-06-06T06:01:05.623-07:00"'What happened to the man I knew who wis...<i>"'What happened to the man I knew who wished for no more war? The boy who drew such wonderful things?'<br /><br />'Nobody wanted them,' he said."</i><br /><br />feels bad maninirehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17323031535644346639noreply@blogger.com