My Drow Barbarian looks like someone trying to cosplay as a Drow

Died, came back. Random gen gave me this.

STR 6
DEX 13
CON 11
CHA 8
INT 6
WIS 12

d6 even, so Female
 
 'You are Drow royalty, from Drownesia. You are also a Barbarian.'

Simal of the house of Anapsed.

You also get 'LOSE CANNON WIZARD: ALWAYS DRUNK 75% OF TIME'

Rationale?

White Girl Dreadlocks.

Totally ready to chant down Babylon

Remember all those pictures of Drow in the splatbooks? How they all look cool and decadent, tough, evil, vaguely pervy and super-cool?

Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of me being both sexy and dangerous.

Well this girl was kept at the back of the class when they made those pictures. Clutching a felt wolf.

Imagine you are a basically nice person growing up in a society where slavery, racism and misandry are positively encouraged. A society in which you, by birth, occupy the highest rung. You aren't really into that shit at all, but there is no other option. And you have an INT of six. And you look a bit funny.

If you are highly intelligent maybe you become a radical or a revolutionary or you slowly decay into a kind of champagne socialist. But if you are too stupid to rationalise things then you have to do it a different way.

You can't read serious books because they don't import them and you wouldn't understand them anyway, but you can read the mass-produced barbarian chap-books that the merchants use for ballast because they are too irrelevant for the authorities to control. And you know there are White Elves somewhere. And you know there are Northern Wastes because you overhear your aunts talking about them.

Mum says you can't pray to Lloth to make you a Barbarian, but you know in your heart that's not true.

It starts small, maybe you get into wearing furs. Impractical in Drownesia, but not that odd. You want to learn how to use a sword. A two-handed sword. Strange. But mothers so glad you are finally taking an interest in violence she will give you whatever you want. You spend a lot of time outdoors.

'Well, she doesn't have many friends in class.'

Franzetta poster on the wall. Girls will be girls.

Making your own toy wolf.

Getting into shamanism.

'She gets full marks in religious education'.

Maybe Drow family trees don't even count male members, so you spend hours in the family library, leafing through the records, looking for a gap. Fantasising.

Could there be a Nornrik branch to the family? A black (white) sheep relative? A secret uncle? A torrid affair? A secret romance in the wastes? A family secret? A BARBARIAN SECRET?

"WHY DO I FEEL THESE THINGS?"

"IT HAS TO MEAN SOMETHING DOESN'T IT?

I'M NOT MAKING IT UP MOTHER!!"

Family shame and they stare at you in the street, but you can feel the song of the North Wind singing in your veins. The call of the untamed wastes, far from the corruption of civilisation. You have never left home. You learn the ship schedules. You save your pocket money. And it's a lot, because you are royalty.

The captain doesn't want to take you. But its Drownesia, and you are female royalty. No-one in your entire life has ever tried to stop you getting what you want.

NORTH! TO THE HOME OF GIANTS AND WINTER WOLVES!

You even tell people you are a barbarian and nobody says you aren't. It's like they don't even know. And they haven't made you go home yet. You can be whatever you say you are.

If you believe in something deeply enough you can make it true.

(I have survived one session and already caught a snow leopard. I was looking for a Worg but fuck it.)

Where did the wizard come from? Still working on that one.

"Ever so quietly we gained on them"

The following take from "Beneath Flanders Fields: The Tunnellers War 1914-1918" 

(Most paragraph breaks are mine.)

"We decided to try and enter the enemy tunnels. Cutting away the soft wet  clay and removing debris in frantic working an entrance was made in about  20 minutes. We put on our Proto sets - oxygen apparatus for breathing in  mine rescue and gassy areas. taking four sappers and my sergeant, all armed  with revolvers, knuckle-knives and grenades we crawled into the German  tunnel and started up the gallery. Now, Proto sets are alright for working  in an ordinary civilian mine gallery, but crawling along or bent over in a  war time tunnel of 4 x 3 feet is not so good -  and fighting in a Proto set  is an art to be learned.

Although the German tunnels were a bit larger than our own, the size was  still very small. So, in the dark with our torches we crept down the German  tunnel towards the blown in face. We found no bodies there. We returned the way we had come and went further up to find out more of their system.  Going towards the German front line for 40 or 50 yards we came to a fork, with another tunnel leading at an angle towards our lines, so we knew than that this must lead to the workings we had blown in at point A. We went down the tunnel and found the face blown in and the bodies, or parts of, two Germans. We also heard out party clearing an entrance and this was done in a few minutes.

As we had gained so much enemy tunnel I decided to try to have a go and destroy as much as we could without too much loss to our own men. I instructed the party to prepare two heavy charges, and for an NCO and  sapper to carry them and follow us some distance behind. My party of six then set off back up the German tunnel knowing that we should most likely run into trouble as the enemy would certainly send in a rescue or fighting party after two explosions.

With myself leading and my sergeant behind me followed by four sappers, all in single file, we had just started down their main tunnel when we heard and then saw torches coming in the distance towards us. Their heavy boots made such a noise and they were shouting or talking very loud. The atmosphere in the tunnel was still thick with dust or gas from the explosions. Not knowing how many of them there were I decided it would be best if we came back and waited just past the fork junction to see what would happen.

We waited for a few minutes with our torches out and all quiet. Then suddenly there appeared through the semi-darkness with their torches blazing in front of them, seven Germans, first a sort of NCO armed with a revolver, then five armed with revolvers and grenades, and the last was a junior officer also armed with a revolver. For a moment I thought they were coming down the tunnel straight at us, but no, they decided to go down the other tunnel. They still were making a lot of noise considering the job they were on. My thoughts went to my own two men who were coming up the tunnel with the two charges - they would run right into the German party. We waited until the Germans had gone a few yards past the fork so as to get up the room to get up behind them, then we kept in our stockinged feet silently up behind the enemy in single file.

Ever so quietly we gained on them and in a few seconds I was only about four yards behind the last man, the officer, and then all of a sudden they saw the torches of my other two men coming towards them. Thinking they were their own men from the face they shouted in German, and they all stopped. Then, as no reply came they jabbered a bit amongst themselves for a second or two, then the NCO in front fired a shot down the tunnel. Back came a shot from my boys right on the second. So now, being only a few yards behind the enemy I put on my torch and so did my men behind me. The Germans were taken completely by surprise, absolutely trapped, with their enemy in front and behind them. The man in front of me, who was their officer, turned round half facing me and with my torch shining in his face, he had his revolver pointed at me in a second; but he sort of hesitated, no doubt struck dumb by the grotesque sight of a hooded body coming at him.

It must have been an awful sight for them to see us in a Proto set in that dim semi-darkness. 

I shot him before he recovered from his shock. At the same time keeping my body down to the floor level to allow my sergeant in a crouching position to shoot over me, and the others behind to fire over us. This was something we had practiced in training.

The German party never had a chance, their NCO was shot in the leg and my sergeant kicked his revolver out of his hand, but he rolled over, grabbed his gun again and was starting shooting, so the sergeant shot him again. The fighting did not last more than two or three minutes, then one of the Germans shouted 'Kamerad' and we soon disarmed the three enemy left standing. But the Germans fought well and hard, and if they had not been subject to such bad luck in getting trapped, they might have won the fight and killed the lot of us.

The casualties were Germans: one officer, one NCO, two men dead; three captured alive, one very badly wounded; Canadians: three men wounded, one badly. The last two sappers of my own party in the rear never fired a shot but both got hit themselves. We knew the enemy would be sending another larger rescue and fighting party so we laid our first explosive charge on a time fuse 50 yards up the main tunnel from the fork, dropped one near the fork itself, and ran as fast as we were able with our Proto sets still on to our own tunnel entrance.

We had just reached the entrance when both charges went off and knocked us all flat on our faces with the enemy tunnel caving in at the back of us, catching the last sapper of our party and trapping him in falling debris and timbers; we pulled him out but one of his legs was broken.

Getting back into our own tunnels we laid an explosive charge. This completed the blowing of the enemy tunnels and we knew we had stopped all the German works in that direction for a few weeks to come."

Lieutenant John Westacott

2nd Canadian TC

Westacott later had another more deadly encounter at Mount Sorrel, when he and a complete section of his men were trapped underground during a surprise German surface attack which captured the British front line trenches. Unknowing, the Canadian tunnellers emerged unconcernedly from a shaft at the end of their shift, to be spotted by the Germans.

Diving back down the shaft and sounding alarm bells as they went, they blew in several other entrances to the tunnel system, and waited. The Germans piled down after them and one of the most grisly battles of the war took place.

Fighting with grenades, pistols, rifles, and hand-to-hand with knives, bayonets and even razor sharp spades in the tiny galleries, the encounter was horrific. Westacott himself was almost to lose an arm, whilst sixty out of eighty of his shift were killed or wounded. The struggle lasted almost twenty-four hours - and the stopped just as suddenly as it had begun. When the tunnellers plucked up the energy and courage to tentatively peep out of a shaft again, they discovered that the Canadian infantry had recaptured the trench.

Windowlickers

I have always wanted super powers, so I gave myself stats and exposed myself to the terrigen mists, which I found here.

Then I thought, why stop there? Get some free NPC's. So I statted up and exposed a bunch of people I knew off the internet.

If you are worried that you are not on this list, it counts people by the strength and disitinciveness of their personality, not how much I like them. TRENT.

(I had no idea that the Terrigen mists made you stupid, but it looks like they generally do. So I have created 'Special School' superheroes. No-one has a Reason above 'Poor'. Tom turned out a fucking badass,, virtually a real super hero Not sure who the leader would be. based on these stats it looks like either Zak or Scrap.)

Anyway, if you fuck with disabled people in Otherpool or bully the Special children in class, this is who turns up. Bounding out of a yellow bus.

(If anyone doesn't want to be in this, let me know and I will take you down.)

Just so you know, it goes

Feeble - 2 Far bleow average
Poor - 4 Below average
Typical - 6 Average human.
Good - 10 Above average.
Excellent - 20 Olympic level.
Remarkable - 30 Normal human limit
Incredible - 40 Enhanced human limit

Zak (The Moron Manhunter)
FIGHTING GD 10	AGILITY PR 6	STRENGTH GD 10	ENDURANCE GD 10	REASON PR 4	INTUITION GD 10	PSYCHE PR 4
HEALTH 36	KARMA 18	SHAPE SHIFTING – EX (20) Particular imitations require a FEAT roll.

Scrap (The Gravity Witch)
FIGHTING PR 4	AGILITY TY 6	STRENGTH TY 6	ENDURANCE GD 10	REASON PR 4	INTUITION TY 6	PSYCHE FB 2
HEALTH 26	KARMA 12	ELECTRICAL MANIPULATION – EX (20) Unharmed by electricity, has shocking touch. GRAVITY MANIPULATION – REM (30) Can lift, levitate and increase the weight of things.

Tom (The (N)Ice Man)
FIGHTING GD 10	AGILITY REM 30	STRENGTH REM 30	ENDURANCE EX 20	REASON FB 2	INTUITION GD 10	PSYCHE TY 6
HEALTH 90	KARMA 18	RANGED ICE ATTACK – EX (20) SLASHING RANGED – REM (30) Can stun with snowballs, freeze people in place, or cut them to pieces with hurled shards of ice. Tough athletic motherfucker too.

Courtney (The Quantum Ogre)
FIGHTING GD 10	AGILITY TY 6	STRENGTH EX 20	ENDURANCE TY 6	REASON PR 4	INTUITION GD 10	PSYCHE PR 4
HEALTH 42	KARMA 18	INVISIBILITY – REM (30) Pretty much exactly what it says on the tin.

TRENT (‘Went’)
FIGHTING EX 20	AGILITY GD 10	STRENGTH TY 6	ENDURANCE TY 6	REASON FB 2	INTUITION TY 6	PSYCHE FB 2
HEALTH 46	KARMA 10	PHASING – REM (30) Can pass through materials of the density of steel or reinforced concrete. Uses powers to escape.

Shoe (The Pixie Giant)
FIGHTING TY 6	AGILITY GD 10	STRENGTH GD 10	ENDURANCE EX 20	REASON FB 2	INTUITION PR 4	PSYCHE FB 2
HEALTH 46	KARMA 8	LIGHT MANIPULATION – TY (6) About as good as carrying a strong flashlight. Can make things dark though. Let’s say she glows. GROWTH - REM (30) Can grow to 18 feet high. Gets +1CS to hit and does 30 damage.

Mandy  (Thug Detective)
FIGHTING GD 10	AGILITY GD 10	STRENGTH EX 20	ENDURANCE GD 10	REASON FB 2	INTUITION TY 6	PSYCHE FB 2
HEALTH 50	KARMA 10	EMOTION DETECTION – GD (10) Counsellor Troi Stuff TRACKING ABILITY – REM (30)  Can track for an hour per roll. Also Olympic-Strong so can knock you the fuck out.

Patrick (The Cave Spider)
FIGHTING EX 20	AGILITY TY 6	STRENGTH GD 10	ENDURANCE PR 4	REASON PR 4	INTUITION TY 6	PSYCHE FB 2
HEALTH 40	KARMA 12	CONTROL EARTH – EX (20) Stone armour and weapons, minor quakes, sudden cave-ins. A BIG FUCKING INSECT – GD (10) Gregor Samsa-Style

If you love somebody, set them free

I am having emotional problems with my main PC. So I am making him an NPC and setting him free to wander the FLAILSNAILS Cosmos without me. If it's meant to be he will come back on his own.

Anil of MANPAC was born in Noism'sYoo Suin* game. He was rescued from some goblin things at the exact moment that another character died. His first rolls were for a random name and an random gender. He was a eunach. His name was Anil. His highest stat was a WIS of 14. He needed a god. After thinking for about 14 seconds, his player saw a nerd wearing a nintendo t-shirt across the room.

"His god is Pac-Man! No, wait, that sounds stupid. His god is MANPAC."

And so a legend was born.

From day one he made more money robbing the people who came to rob him than he ever did from getting up in dungeons. Assaulting bandits, hiding from pandas, lying to quaggoths, great days. Then Noisms moved away to get a better job. Anil arrived in the Cobalt Reach. A land built upon the backs of dead gods. He was level three.

In his first FLAILSNAILS game Jeff Rients charged a group of 18 webbed 2nd level mutants with Anil. Then got bored and ran off to joust a chaos knight. Shoe Skogen hung around and saved his life. He spent a lot of time at zero hit points. But he levelled the fuck up.

(As a list of adventures, briefly. Argued with bats. knocked out by jacklemen. Chased by zombie mastadons. Captured in echo palace. Starts shit in Echo Palace. Throws adopted son off ledge. Rescued by Zach Marx Webber. Finds THE PORTAL ROOM. Spends actual months of non-game time going on and out of the PORTAL ROOM. Finally gets to lowest level. Captured by driders. Tricks Driders with spell. Fights Mountain giant underground. Actually manages to rescue some dryads. Ends up in north pole via THE PORTAL ROOM. Goes back to cobalt reach via ship. Hears rumours of the missing Eye Of Vorn. Decides MUST pirate eye of dead god. Grabs Sir Mannings army. fights way out of Cobalt Reach. Gets to Abu Zin Zeer. Finds eye. Eye is now Mecha-Beholder-Golem. Eye Kills Chris H (Persistent voice of sanity) and petrifies Zach Marx Weber. Mission a bust. Goes wizardly Isle of Vrokk to de-petrify ZMW. Breaks into multiple wizards arcologies, meets daemon. Loses left hand. Tricks daemon, tricks mind-flayer, tricks wizard with mind-flayer. Escapes with macguffin. Gets ZMW de-petrified. Exchanges 'impossible' task for promise of new left hand. Completes impossible confidence scam of high-level wizard IN ONE SESSION, FLAWLESS. Still a high point. Goes to Vornheim, assists with defence of city. Sees Hex-King taken down (sort of). Decides to rob house of dead Lich. Buys own siege tower. Bats once again augmentative and annoying lodgers. helps eusyram retrieve fragment of crystal dream. Betrays everybody, see prev post.)

Now I send him unto you Internet. Let this PC pass be transformed by the holy fire onto an entry on a table, a random encounter or a plot point. My only rules for using Anil is that you have to be somewhat true to his god and somewhat true to him.

MANPAC charges endlessly through the dark consuming all he can before the ghosts reach him. He is chaotic, tending a bit towards good. At least his is not directly evil. He hates undead and consumes them wherever he can, especially ghosts. He likes to move his followers through realities or 'levels' and they have learnt to expect this.

Anil is stupid but amazingly crafty and lucky. He lies freely and sometimes brilliantly despite his CHA of 9. He often cycles through stages of mania and suicidal self-destructive depression. He has no patience of any kind for anything. He is deceptive, tricky and ruthless to what he considers 'bad' people. He has never gone out of his way to hurt any average or 'good' people without some kind of reason. If you save his life he will stick by you, even if you die or get petrified.

he looks like a squat vaguely asian man with a heavy build.

this is how he thinks he looks. he actually looks like a shit version of this.

You can't tell though because since he went insane from looking at a rug, he no longer believes he has a head. he can't sense it there so he wears an insect mask he got in Bellet Osc. That's how he knows where his head is.

and in fact he looks like this most of the time

He has a neck-tattoo of Harley Quinn committing suicide and another MANPAC tattoo. His left hand is a yellow and black banded starfish.

Currently wearing the plate-mail of a paladin of the Titan of Fear. He usually carries an axe and a bow and THIS.

the eyes follow you round the room, but never both eyes for the same person

This sooper-powerful luminescent heraldic lion shield is the best thing he has ever owned. It's probably worth more than he is.

So, armour, axe, bow, insect mask, starfish hand, tattoos, glowing lion shield. But in case that wasn't enough. he is driving a team of eight oxen and pulling his very own 80 ft siege tower made of bones and full of impudent bats.

again, his isnt actually this good

 He argues with the bats.

His stats are

STR 11
DEX 12
CON 10
CHA 9
INT 8
WIS 14

Level Seven Cleric of Manpac
HP 35

he also has these things.

Axe
Obsidian Knife - counts as magic, does rituals
+3 Lion Shield
plate and sword from paladin of creus
Sling
20 sling stone
Bow
Arrows
Skull of an undead horseman
Insect Mask from bellet osk
Long single fang - unknown nature
Goblin cake
five copper snake scales - giant coin sized
lantern
torch
grappling hook
50ft rope
50ft chain
snail bridle (for giant snails)
80ft siege tower made of bone
a dozen oxen


There's one more thing. Anil accidentally drank the soul of a half-elf sorcerer called Orgun Greasgraft in the Hex Kings Palace. If Anil falls under the spell of mind-altering magics, or magical sleep, Orgun will become the dominant personality. And he will not give up the body willingly. He is an intelligent wily coward who likes not being in dungeons and not taking risks of any kind. His stats are

CHA 10
INT 16
WIS 16

Level three magic user, has the spells, Read Magic, Detect Magic, Message, Bookspeak and Levitate.

If you use Anil, or he turns up in your game, let me know what he does and what happens to him. I will update his history on this blog and we will see if anything interesting results.

*(Yoo Suin, coming to a download near you SOON)